Paint me Red!!

#FF0000... you all must be tearing apart your hair and wondering ..what the hell i have written .. well it's nothing but the RGB value of color red...( Geek @ his best)...Before coming to the conclusion that i have become insane,mad and what not i must tell you that i am all right ... my fascination with color red has nothing to do with the terror attack... but on the contrary it's to do with the rise of my favorite football club LIVERPOOL , "The Reds"..I mean watching them play this season is nothing short of a dream ..having beaten Manchester united and Chelsea in their own backyards..they have learnt to garner points away from home, perhaps this was the single biggest link that was missing in their title chase over the past few years .. way to go......

I know it's too early to call this season ...leading by just one point ..anything can happen but i salute their team spirit and passion ... if u wonder why i support a club which has under achieved in the past 10 years ... the answer is ,I like UNDERDOGS...why?? ...because i was the one in this elite club ...


I still remember the fascinating day of 25th may,2005 .. when despite all the odds they came back from 0-3 at the halftime to defeat AC Milan in Ataturk stadium in Istanbul.Perhaps it was fitting that the red city was host to this occasion and "The Reds" had finally arrived ... i did not sleep the whole night... god knows how i passed my engineering major the next day:)..but nothing ... even the fear of the exam could dampen my excitement on that night ... the passion with which they played that night can never be surpassed it was magical!!. The boyhood dream of Gerrard was finally fulfilled and no wonder he slept with the cup that day .......

This was the day .. that marked a turning point in my life ... yaa it's absolutely true ..you all must be wondering that i needed inspiration from them. Yes , at some point in your life .. when confidence level is the least, you need a kick on the back. Perhaps i am not that great that inner motivation can drive me .. so i need some thing to urge me on ...and the fact that it took me another 3 years to carve out my own path ...tells that i am an ordinary soul!!!... May be i don't like to reach my target the easy way ... arre there's no drama and adrenaline in this... i like to struggle, and given no chance by others, i like to emerge from the ashes like a phoenix (sorry for using your blog name)..

To me a NADAL is a better player than federer .. because for federer and tiger woods it's walk in the park ... they aren't the UNDERDOGS....On that night, it was the greatest come back by the UNDERDOGS..... and they won because they had the team spirit,passion and faith.. among the players.. which you can't buy ... they had a captain that perhaps is the beat midfielder in the world ...who doesn't run after money unlike the leagues of Christiano Rolando ....the guy can't even commit his allegiance to his club even after the start of the season......or the joker robinho who ruined his career .. bcoz a shaikh offered him a few dollars more in Manchester city .....You can get all the money ... but will you perform your duty with commitment and passion ?? this question seriously needs to be asked ...

To me it's the greatest team in the world ,i don't go by trophies and titles ... just the atmosphere at ANFIELD pumps up your adrenaline ...may be someday i'll be there to witness a match ... but by then they would have pulled down the stands and moved to STANLEY PARK ... but i can assure that the passion will be same ... the electric atmosphere and an inspirational captain ...they may or may not win EPL this year ... but the UNDERDOGS have arrived so has this UNDERDOG.........: )

Title ... zaroori hai kya??

After being accused of self-indulgence ... like i am Barack Obama... i now plan to move to the next level ... So something more about my self ( If u are contemplating on killing urself ... then do contact me).....

Chalo i will start with some numbers... numbers are all that i know ...if u ask me i can give probability for every damn event that can occur ... chalo time to list down some no's .... 249,13,99,10.2 ....and yaa they are in chronological order ..and you 'll be wondering how they are associated with me ... now here my ingenuinity comes to play... So i 'll map all these using a function ( bhai logon ... basic algebra hai ... thoda samajh lo !!)

F(249,13,99,10.2)= Yours Truly..... thoda filmy dialogue bhi ho jaaye ... considering the crappiest movies i have been priveledged to witness over the past few months ... film dialogue to mere khoon mei bas chuke hai !!

"Aaaj jo bhi mai hoon , in number ke wajaha se hi hoon "

Guyz... pls dont kill me for this bad and pathetic dialogue .... abhi naya naya aaya hoon is industry mei ....chalo numbers apart you would agree that you need these variables to prove your self in front of others. i would not go deep inside these numbers ... their reasons... ye kaam to google ka hai ..... mining ur data and interpreting your searches....

I have never believed that a human being can be quantified by numbers... bhaiya life is not statistics ... humans are defined by their intricacies,characterstics that you can never quantify .... so i think that these personality tests are as hollow as celina jaitley trying to act on stage...i have never felt that i needed to be @ point X in my life to prove that i have arrived home...or reached somewhere..If you seriously ask me i still don't know where i am heading in life .. if i reach point A then i earn to be at point B and this journey will continue. To me the journey is more important in life than being able to reach targets... perhaps i would not like to stagnate by being at Point Z( the final point) in my life ... i would like to move on and rediscover my self again and again .... i don't think that reading any thing is derogatory ...because you might never know when it would help you..........

I live and will die with philosphy .... "The most uncomfortable person in this world is a person who is not himself" isliye to i follow this .....again and again... I have learnt to listen myself by building a cocoon around my ears ...i don't give into the fashion treands ... perhaps that is why i wear the weirdest jeans that are too loose ... but what the hell i am comfortable doing that ... i don't drink ...(arre bhai log alcohol ki baat kar raha hoon)... inspite my friends gulping loads of beer,vodka,whiskey and what not ... i dont feel the drinking makes you cool... and so does playing heavy metal songs on my winamp...there are names thay you would better associate in a zooo ( Gorilla..... i am sorry bhaiyaji)....I would like to improve .... but not to please others ... perhaps that's why i am considered "ajeeb sa",uncool,and not happening .... because i have learnt to be myself....

Vaise i could go on and on .....but i know that suicide is not a good way to die :)....so i would shut up my mouth ... and signal to the readers that ur ordeal is over......and get back to my NUMBERS.......

PS: Just to inform that i 'll be in hyderabad from dec 12 to dec 14... so this is for those who don't have my contact ... would love to catch up with old pals!!! ... If u feel the need ... so plss fire mails if u want .......Nespaper advertisement khatam hui:)

I'm Back.................

So, the writers block seems to be over. It's not that i had nothing to write or i was short of ideas, perhaps i was enjoying being myself over the past month ... bearing the fruits of my labor which i had put in over the past one and a half year.I would not like to sound egoist but i think that i have achieved what was due for a long time....(something about this in my next post).


I think i would like to share some thing about me,it's perhaps the most difficult question that someone can answer .. the question that brings sweat on your face, makes you chew your lips ...grasping for breath ... thinking each word one would utter out ... now it's difficult to present a true picture of yourself in an interview ...because you want to crack it badly ..your life depends on it ... but perhaps i can reveal my true self in this blog ...bcoz i don't give a damn to what everyone thinks or interprets .. so keeping, the tradition of presenting this answers in a crisp and sweet way ... i am forced to use bullet points .....

• I have long ago discovered that i was born with two left feets, discs and party's are not for me ... i still wonder why ppl drag me to the dance floor .... i just wish they are a little smart!!!!
• Ya .. i discovered on this Wednesday night that i my conscious does not allow to party and booze ... when hundreds are massacred in your country ... i wish others had some sense .....and behave responsibly as citizens of this country.
• I don't like to be told what NOT to do.... this pushes me even further and i assure you that, i can cross any limit to prove you wrong ... If ppl have some doubt .... then i wish they were more practical ...in life.
• I am a self obsessed individual ...who does not care about the feelings of others ... i only care about my achievements, my goals and my targets.
• I forget b'days,anniversaries and rarely like to attend family functions.
• I rarely call my parents... talk to my sis once in a month ... and forget to wish my mom on her b'day last year ... suprisingly i did not forget this year, bcoz of the flak i got from my sister.
• I don't like to shower ppl with gifts and i expect the same in return....... this is unlike my sis ... who gifted a big teddy and flowers to my mother ..... kind of find it weird......
• I don't like to show off my self .... i believe more in action rather than thinking .....
  
• The phrase ,"May be if had done that" or "if only" does not exist in my dictionary.... those who believe that they are unlucky should ask themself whether they put in 100 % commitment .... You build your own luck...
  
• I don't expect to get attendance credit for classes that i don't attend ... proxies are not my cup of tea... everyone thinks that i am fool doing this ... but then i have principles and standards i have set for myself....
• I want to work for the best research labs...(i 'll be doing that)... want to study in the top institutes...y?? bcoz the kind of backing i have received from my father and mother .... I owe atleast this to them .... if they can give me the best of the facilities ,y can't i give back this to them ...( I have discovered this over the past one and a half year)
• I don't like to spend much of my time chatting on GTalk .... find it stupid ... if it's business then i have no problems ..... else the useless hate useless pinging......
• I stammer when it comes to public speaking .... i have no shame in admitting the same ... words are not my friend i suppose.....
• I love the challenge of giving competitive exams ... perhaps the number of exams i have written, can be published as a fat book of archive papers....
• I won't say that i haven't committed mistakes in life ... but then i have never pondered on them ... moving forward with more vigor and self belief......

I guess these are some of the points i can think at this moment ... perhaps ppl who know me can make addition to this list ... you are welcome.....

these are the lines a geek like me (entirely not on my own) wrote roughly two years back ....for .................... a

arsa hua woh milay nahi,
fir sapne mein aana ajab ho gaya
sapne mein aake zara muskura ke,
neende churaana gazab ho gaya na mulaakatein,
aur na hi koi baatein,
fir na jaane yeh kab ho gaya
na socha na samjha na janaa kabhi kuchh,
bus pataa chalaa ki dil kho gaya

Names....

Well i have been often criticized for not taking names in my blog.... my friends have always told me that how disappointed they were, when they knew that i was talking about them but did not directly point towards them. The only post in which i did take names was for the closest pals in my engineering college ... bharat,atin,raghav and sid .... and perhaps i would never forget them ... but then everyone says that you move on in life and meet new friends .... So here i am writing about the new pals and friends , i made in MUMBAI....... So here goes the addition in my honour list :) ... So that no one feels jealous .....i will introduce them in alpahbetical order.......

So when i landed up in mumbai ... i had no idea .. how would a delhi brat adjust to the hustle and bustle of this city .... i won't say it was easy but these people did made my stay somewhat easy....so here I go....

ABHI(bhaiyaji....) Somehow everyone will wonder about the nickname "bhaiyaji"... it's a long story which can't be explained for some obvious constraints.... and i thought that i would dedicate a whole post towards him..... phir socha ,,,kya itni importance deni chahiya?? ....:) ...well he claims that he knows the by lanes of bombay on back of his hands .....ya he surely knows the backlanes of the pubs in bandra ..... that's bombay for him ..... work hard and enjoy your time with booze.... i would not afraid to admit that he is perphaps the closest friend that i have in mumbai (...i can smelll others feeling jealous)....what i have learnt from him ... is to be positive ... take criticism and turn it around... be a STUD,behave like one .......and give a damn to what everyone thinks about you ....... thanks mate...

ANAND(Andy)... well he is the friend who told me to be realistic in life .....and i covered it in my post earlier... though i somehow don't agree with him on this point .....and he knows that... I would say that in the beginning i wasn't really close to him ... but as the time passed i understood him better :)..... i am confident ki "ye ladka life mei kuch karega"....... but that "kuch" to wo bhi nahi jaanta ...... and what have i admire his super oratory skills, a great personality and a mass female fan following...:) ... just one point that i would like him to make clear ....... why this sudden interest in visiting temple dailiy?... he's gonna kill me

PREETI(nickname ...loon na loon ........koi to bataye.....) ...i always thought from the beginning that she was some kind of weirdo ....(aaahhhh maar daalegi)... but the day i knew her my myths were shattered....what i admire about her is that she is forever smiling ...may be one day i will inculcate this aspect into my life .... though one illusion she has is that every guy is looking at her:).... though it's quite the opposite ...NSP (nain(eyes) sukh prapti) is her USP .......(ab to pakka khoon hone wala hai mera).... and she always tells me "ki mai ajeeb sa hoon" ..... and i would like to make it clear publically that i am different .... because i am not ordinary :)...isliye.......samjhi...... and she is the one who made me suffer on that shopping experience of her's.....( i would never forgive her)

SUMAN(could not think of ny nicknames....) To me he is a true IITian ...one who never compromises on the standards set in life ... he studies what he likes ... never bothered about the marks he gets ... some say he is STUBBORN but i don't think that diluting one's standards is the alternative to this .... U rock ....... but one caution to all da girls ... he is very apprehensive in offering lift to the girls .... except ??( your's guess is as good as mine:)).....

SURYA(suri...).... the most awesome quizzer that i have come across in my life ...I tell U DUDE he is brilliant....just looking at the way he blushes while talking to girls makes me wonder .... iska kya hoga :)..... he becomes to conscious in front of them ... chill DUDE ..... though we have linked him to every girl we could think of doing but he never minds that... itni sharafat acchi nahi hai .... you 've gotta be strong .... though we had some recent clashes but deep inside he is gem of a human being.....

SUBBU(mai baap) ..... Sitting alone in a corner ... you could never wonder ... that this silent asssain can be so lethal ...when he opens his mouth .... a brilliant orator .... and the most responsible individual that i have come across ... he is the living example ... of the qoute that responsibilty makes the best to come out of you ....(sorry yaad nahi aaa raha exact qoute) .... he is one of the very few individuals which i respect..professionaly ... some day i hope that i would be able to put forward my viewpoints like him and not stammer as i always do......

VIKAS(vicky....,jahapanaha.....aur bhi hai)..NO COMMENTS .... arre burra mann jayenge vicky sir agar sirf ye likh ke chor diya ... i haven't seen the sense of humour he posesses ... he can think on his feet and come ot with lines that would make you laugh and simultaneously make you kill him like the ones "kabhi BULANDSHAHAR india ke map mei bhi dekha hai ??"......I am sure that the day he finds deirection in his life he would do wonders.....

So these are the NAMES.... that will forever be with me ......where ever i am in life........

A Dream- Part II

Time to complete the story I had left….. though deep inside I know, hardly anyone is interested in reading it …..( going by the comments I received on my last post)….but still I want to tell my story …….

What after the alarm went bang on that day , I did wake up in 6 in da morning, not to attend my convocation… seriously I had no motivation in attending the ceremony at a place where i hated going …. Everyday ……where there was no respect for your talents…. A place where they taught you to build “dreams” in da air, without laying down the necessary foundation needed to build it …. To me you can never build dreams in thin air…. Perhaps I did not want to receive my degree from certain individuals ……

So where the hell I was on that day?? … I went to an institute …. the best the country has to offer in fulfilling my IM ( Intellectual Masturbation) on the paper which i had been writing …. To me this was productive … rather than catching 392 and spending an hour on da trip that took me no where …… Even if there was a 0.000000001 probability in me attending it ….. i made sure that the event never took place by not completing the stupid “NO DUES” form of my institute … I never told my parents about the event …. else they would have forced me to go there … I did receive the email ……but it pressed the DELETE button … I did not want my mom to applaud my degree … bcoz deep inside I knew that she never wanted me to come to this institute ….. so there was no point in making her put an artificial veil of happiness over her face ….bcoz I had let her down…. her dreams never crystallized…….

And to my friends …. I never felt that I would gain anything from attending it …. firstly my best friend wasn’t there and …. I felt that no one had ever understood me in those four years … my dreams and passions … to them perhaps I was some kind of weird … thing that had hit them out of the blue ……. Whatever … there was no point in going there and being “happy” in front of them…. My father always tells me that it’s best to avoid things that make you angry …. and out his thousand advices I followed this one …… I am sorry to my friends that I wasn’t able to meet them …. But I could not sacrifice myself for this occasion…. Convo’s are the events we look forward to in our lives …. But to me that day in January was just another day …….

PS: My Institute … I don’t know what forced them …. But they did deliver my degree to me next year as I signed the “NO DUES” form later …… though it did not really matter to me ….. it’s another piece of cardboard that lies in my drawer.

A Dream.......

You have cherished this moment since the day you entered the hallowed four walls of the institute. Slogging out the nights over a piece of code ... which fails to run because of some "Stack Overflow" error. Your life is hinged on it.... because you have gotta prove something.... but the bloody code refuses to run ... and you wonder what the hell..... the research paper annotates your discovery.. but oohh boy you need to implement it parctically ... to prove it to a panel of so called professors or "jokers" ...that you have discovered some thing new , a revolutionary idea ... though deep inside you know that no one will give a damn to your proposal.... they will sleep through the presentation and for formality say "good work"...... 

This apart .. their approval is critical to your dreams... which you have cherished over the years ... the dreams which started gaining shape the day you saw a "black box"... on which we depend a lot ....A COMPUTER... the fascination .. of how the hell this machine perform such calculations in a short span of time.... the discovery of your dream starts with revealing open every layer of this machine ... the processors , the registers and every piece of circuitary inside the black box... the madness extends further .... and you realise what this machine can compute and what it can't .. the so called theory of NP and complexity .... and then how the hell we are able to convert our so called "fourth generation language" the C ,C#,JAVA into bits of 0's and 1's.... but ohh boy the journey is fascinating ..... it transcends ... all the difficulties you face.........

And then the day comes... where sun is shining brightest ...on a chill january morning .. your day of reckoning... you are expected to get on the stage ... amids the round of applauses form your pals and parents which are sitting proudly .... the robe is  bit uncomfortable... but you hardly bother about this .....your name is called ... and their is a gulp in your throat ... the anxiety is killing you ... the sweat on dat .... january morning (is it possible???) ..you walk up to the stage ... with the hands shivering.... a piece of paper certifying your toil of four years is given to you ... you are anxious to get of it quickly... but then you realise whether... your moment of glory has been captured by the photographer or not ....you make it sure it very well happens... this photo will be shown to your children,grandchildren and so on....... you get off the stage... and realise that tears are rolling down your mom's eye ....... the moment sunks in.... the dream has been achieved or is it ??

But then suddenly the Alarm rings @ 6 in the morning ...............

(to be continued....)

Who needs a Title!!

This piece of intellectual masturbation (I will throw more light on it some another day!!) is a result of a discussion that I was having with my friend a few days back. Well what was it all about …. He pointed out that I am too optimistic and one should be realistic in life …. Well I used be that a few years back, but then I realised it’s no point doing things what all the junta does and i should be different from the league of ordinary gentlemen and women……

Thinking narrowly can some how take away the vigour and vitality in one’s life. I am not of the opinion that we should forget our past all together and start from block one. Past has taught me the blunders that I have committed (willingly), hey but I have learnt more than others than most of my peers who are hell frightened to take the route never traversed and perhaps they never will… bcoz it takes GUTS to take risks that most of them never shall … it’s easy sitting in corporate glass towers and living a “structured life”, than to follow your love and passion. Perhaps they shall one day realise that brushing their dreams under the carpet, will be painful and they should have never done the same … it may be too late then…..

This is the power of “trying” … because then you learn from your mistakes… I am candid in admitting that life’s no ALGORITHM (time for comp. science fundaas!!). you can’t devise the best piece of steps and code for your life … but life’s more of HEURISTICS and that’s the magic of it … we built one set of rules , then we fail and then we learn from the mistakes … do a little bit of tweaking and ….have a new set of rules …. these rules change depending upon the circumstances … having a rigid set of ALGORITMIC rules will never solve our purpose… and being a pessimist … will never help to a little bit of tweaking … coz one will be too afraid to try….. so think as wildly as possible, imagine some thing which isn’t feasible on paper because the greatest pleasure is in doing things that other say you can never do …. Prove to them that they were wrong …(perhaps they shall never discourage others in the future!!)…

Perhaps I may be boasting …then may be I am, but the point that I am putting forward is that unless you try, be optimist you will loose the battle even before you begun…. So it’s no harm thinking of the most weird and wild idea in one’s mind …than to just sit ideal and never take on your fears ….. thinking positive is half the battle won … So GO FOR IT!!

complexity of anonymity

i was working on a problem to reduce the complexity of anonymising structured data, to ensure the privacy of individuals and achieved a factor of O(n) an improvement over the previous best solution which promised a complexity of O(nlogn)....(for all the non-geeks ... i somehow promised to solve this problem in a shorter time...:))......

So you must all be wondering , why the hell i am boring you to death by telling this....well coz all of us at some stage in our life have try to suppress various "key attributes" of ours ... so that we can hide our past. We dont want others to let know ...about the events which took place in our lives...may be we all are scared ..of what ???..well we should ask ourselves , if hiding your problems and difficulties can solve them , then i don't think there would be any in this world , sadly it's not the case......

The mask which we wear keeps on changing ... in front of our parents,relatives and our friends...we always try to project a cool image of ours... the "james bond" type ... but when this mask is revealed ... we stand in front of them ... naked and not able to look straight into their eyes....so we ignore them ....but for how long ???...... we all wish that we are able to suppress some critical information of ours so that others don't know about us .... we wish that "anonymizing" oneself is as easy as the solution that i somehow have been able to arrive in theory of mining...

But life's no dataset or a corpora that than be tailored and clustered to our wishes, we can't bulit training sets that function according to our commands. Training sets normally put data in data into two "portions" left or right ... but the opinions of people and their thinking can't be binary .... its between o and 1 .... and not 0 and 1.... no matter how long one try to cover one self with the veil .... this veil will reval our true face..... so it's better we dont try all this crap in our life's ...coz emerging out it can take ages... we may try to present a happy face... but deep inside we know how this can slowly eat our happiness .... so it's better to be your true to one self.....

So anonmyzing our key attributes can suppress some of our characteristics... but we forget ...that combination of our other attributes .... the so called "quasi identifiers"...in the language of database can reveal the facts we have tried to hide .....it's like a cat and dog race... i may have promised to solve the theoretical problem in O(n) time.... but some day , others will reduce the complexity further .... bringing out ways where this anonymity can be "unmasked"... and then proposing another way to anonymizing ourselves... but in the end we all are running a race , where we know that we will eventually loose..... so live as u want ... to live ..... GTH everyone......

PS: i may have used some jargons ...which are used in computer science theory ... but i hope everyone gets the point....

A.L.O.N.E

There comes a moment in one's life , one when realises that he has to fight his battle for survival alone. The friends on which i had counted on my past , either betrayed me because i could not match up to their "so called" high standards or they moved on in life. I know that this feeling has some thing to do deep inside my head , may be the neurons are exercising a lot , and they need some rest....or may be they have emerged out of the smoke screen which was built because of my own whim's and fancies..............

So why the hell do i need to be with someone ??..... i had always though that living alone and focusing on my career goal; would bring happiness to me ....though i took a longer path to achieve my aim ...but i can surely bet it was worth the effort .... but now a felling of loneliness has begun to bite me deep inside.... though i have i achieved success , but it has come at a cost ...a cost where i have no one to share my success with , may be i don't feel the need as i always thought the whole world was perhaps against me ...or may be it was the driving force , which i myself created to accelerate on towards my target (some physics fundaas.....).. .People say that happiness is inside you , but what the hell ... haven't been able to retrieve it...and i am sorry none of data mining stuff works here...

My "so called" friends say that i have changed , i have become more reclusive and introvert .. i hardly log into the stupid "gtalk" once in 20 days ... and that too talk to one of my closest friends (i know he would get a clue when i force him to read this .... ) .. well i dont feel the need to waste my time on this crappy messenger where people unnecessarily ping you ...why the hell do i need to answer them . I find more solace in reading "multivariate chebyshev inequality" than all this stuff.I realise that it's good to move on in life and forget your past .. but whenver i try to do it . it comes back haunting in my dreams .. people like should realise that everyone moves on in life , the realtionships you had developed also transcend up and down ( mostly it was down in my case)...but deep inside my head i should realise that may be it's for my good ....others have their own life and i should not impose myselves on them and i also expect that they do the same ... may be it's all in between the ears.... I need to realise that i am what i am and dont' expect to live the life of others .... as my friend tells ... "you should start enjoying life!!" ...... i would surely take his cue....

I know that i have written this post haphazardly without paying due to the single point i wanted to say .. may be its a reflection of my mind .... i think a lot, and to stop it.. and start doing things which take away my boredom.... i had bulit this feeling that one is happy with so many friends around talking with them ... hours and hours on phone ... but in the end you achieve nothing out of it ....... perhaps these few lines cover the jist that i have some how failed to put through this post....

In ode to the sweet sands of time,

I hear a promise made by a friend of mine:

Vast as may be the distances to gain,

She will turn back time to come meet me again.

Whiffs of this gale will revisit my memory,

But will carry with them a scathing accessory.

Yet when I take a fond trip down the memory lane,

I‘ll want to trace back my steps and come meet you again

But then you realize………………………

When you look around you, you are all A.L.O.N.E …………………………

Truly a Penalty!!!

Penalties in football are the only way out to separate two teams,both of them having given their blood and soul for 120 minutes to win the coveted title.The drama and the agony associated with the shootout is what attract millions of viewers all around the world praying for their teams victory.For me the purpose of shootout is to seek out fools rather than heroes,the fools on whom the responsibility of the loss can be pinned,One can become a zero from a hero in fraction of second.

This is what happened in this years champions league final,when Mr chelsea,John Terry missed a spot kick which took away the champions league trophy from his hand..the kick which would always weigh down on his shoulders, till he redeems himself with the champions league title. Though he wasn't the only one who missed the penalty,but we will still remember him rather that ronaldo and anelka , because he was expected to be the torch bearer of chelses ,mr dependable and what not.....

The pain could be clearly seen in the eyes of a player .. who missed the trophy by a whisker..a player who cried when manchester united lifted the trophy...may be it was fitting on the 50th death anniversary of the busby babes, a team which promised so much for United..may be they were playing with them on that night at Moscow.The image which would always strike my mind would be of bobby charlton receiving the first winner medal(though he refused to wear it) on behalf of his team mates who left the world on a dreaded night at Munich....

Penalty shootouts are truth of life also, like in the game of football you get one opportunity to prove yourself , though it's more than fraction of a second(it may be 2-6 hrs). The opportunity which can make or break your dream. If you fail to realize this one moment, then life can haunt you till you res eruct it back ... which can be painful. The moment one realises that an opportunity is missed , he will stand in front of the world stripped of one's pretensions and conceit, it will leave you helpless and show the image that you hoped no one will ever notice.One is forced to stand Naked,bereft of ones self esteem and at the mercy of others...But still the life has to go on , so what happens next ??? One is thrown at a place forced by the whims of his dear ones to build his life again .. a place where one is least interested to go, feels like a big hole, that one is crawling to get out of it ...though others make it sure to pull you down..a place where one knows that he is smarter and more intelligent than his peers, but there aren't any opportunities to prove one's worth ... may be it's a penalty for not fulfilling your talent and expectations...But this world does provide with more motivation to get the hell out of here , so one works twice as hard... sacrificing all the pleasures in life...all the comforts ... to pursue his dreams....and how satisfying it is when the whole world realises your talents (though somewhat late)....and you shut many mouths in this process........

Life throws a PENALTY at you , which can be reversed for sure ... and i am sure Mr Chelsea would do the same....

It's been an Year .....

Thought i would never write such senti (aadat par gayi hai ab to)posts, but then i am giving away my inhibitions or wiping away the smoke that i have built over the past one year , pretending that i am happy being alone and independent , being somewhat indifferent to the feelings of my family members and relatives ..(as if i was ever concerned ).

Circa , July 3rd 2007 .. it perhaps is the day which has changed my life forever and for my good. I was bit apparent coming here , coz i had never been away from my family for 23 long years of my existence on earth .... or technically 22 , coz i did stay away from them during the year before ... but i did return to them in 4-5 days ....A sense of vacuum or a feeling of emptiness did develop inside me , during my early days of stay here .... i always thought (and still think) that Delhi is far better that bombay anyday ......i don't damn care about the night life in this city coz i hardly have one ... but the twists and turns of lutyens and bakers lane can never be eclipsed by the scenic beauty of marine drive or the the so called crowd at the bandstand. Mumbai might make people happy , independent and wealthy ... but to me it's a strange city ... a city where no one has time for anyone ... a city where people go into church gate station like swarms of bees ... , some how i do feel that i never belong to this place and never will.

But , then mumbai is called the city where you can make your own destiny for nothing , be it the bollywood or the financial hub , millions have made their fortunes in the city ... and perhaps i am no different .. but then my fortunes have come in the field of academics .. so be it . Before coming here i took things for granted , a sense of complacency had set in me ... which prevented me in fulfilling my potential to the fullest .. but being here away from my parents and loved ones a sense of emptiness did strike me .. and the best thing to get out of it was to devote my self to my passion of ...... u all can guess by now ....bloody ......ALGORITHMS .....:) .

I did feel some kind of independence here .. away from the constant bantering of my parents and relatives ...as if every move of mine was being scrutinized to the fullest ....( those crappy associations which i had last talked about ...) , but coming here i felt free to do whatever i wanted to do... In my present day i have become less opinionated ... not caring about others ... and somewhat selfish ... always weighing in the pros and cons for better of my self.... This has moved me away from my parents .... though i was never that close... i have never told them about the difficulties that i am facing , always trying to get out of it myself 's ... I generally do discuss about topics related to my career with them ... but never have felt the need to go into more of the details.... some how think that a distance has remained that i have never tried to abridge... for some odd reason ..which i have never understood and may be i never will. I don't care much about the things going in my house .... having built a cocoon around me ... always end up fighting with my father ..on any issue .. may it be Indian Hockey (his passion) or if it concerns me ....My mom does understand me somewhat ..(being a psychologist does help :)) .. she can make out by my face ... my happiness and disappointments ... but she observes me ....most of the time without interfering in my stubborn opinions ....she knows i am opinionated, but i do look forward to that day when she comes to know about my blogs :) .... i hope she won't be shocked or horrified ...( God save me !!!).

My parents always complain that i don't end up calling them for 7-10 days .. somehow don't feel the need to talk to them ...to tell them everything in going in my life .... perhaps it's the reason they don't know me ... or my friends too well ....they do know about some of my literary abilities..but then i have never felt the need in revealing this side to them ... perhaps i don't want them to be worried about me .. that much ....coz may be i am not that worried about them ...In the last one year i have developed the confidence to handle and resolve most of my problems .. and i want them to be happy coz some how i do feel that i have taken them for granted ..(most of us do that) .. so it's better that i don't tell them my difficulties if i can't share with them their's.

Barring all this i do think that i have the best dad , the best mom and best sis that there can be in this world and i am thankful to them for bearing with an eccentric son like me. For long i have worried them with my sudden and strange whims , but they have gladly faced them all.The times when my friends were made their parents proud by taking their first job , i was busy searching for my destiny, i hadn't been easy if i hadn't got their support and encouragement. They deserve an applause !!! I will be grateful to them till i exist.......

Bonferroni's gyaan

so Ladies and Gentlemen(if any) i am back with more of the "geek" gyaan ... that i somehow can associate with real life situations.... got this extraordinary ability to link theory with practicality of life ...(ya i know most of you would envy me !!)........

In short this is Bonferroni's so called principle............

if you look in more places for interesting patterns than your amount of data will support, you are bound to find crap....

so all the men will quite agree with this ... when they take their loved ones or so called their female "friends" .....( we all are tired of hearing the cliche statement , oohh.. we are just friends) .. out for shopping.Bonferroni's gyaan fits perfectly in this situation ... all the men have suffer the ordeal ... when the ladies ... just can't find enough of their passion for shopping , they go around and around mining for stuff ... that would even put the mining algorithm of used by Google to sleep ....zzzzzzzzz..., but then men can't even utter a single word in front of them ... though a volcano full of lava .. would be erupting in their minds for sure ... praying that the ordeal will get over soon,, promising to themselves that they would never come accompany in this shopping spree.... but all they can say in front of her is "anything for you ma'am" ..........

I also had the privilege of accompanying one of my friends to her shopping spree's on an eventful Sunday at phoenix lifestyle in mumbai .... though i was blessed with the fact that two of my good friends were also there .... nahi ..to i would have also joined the long list of martyrs ... who were blessed with such experiences of there .....thank god for that .... Now no words can describe the path or the journey we took ........on this auspicious day ..... even Dijkstra the designer of the shortest path .. problem would have pulled his hair out ... by looking at our adventures ,when hopping from one store to another ..... and surprisingly in the end ... she bought none of the stuff she was looking for ... surprising ???? ....Naaahaa....

Jokes apart .....(b'coz i am going to get a real bashing when i make her read this stuff) .... , Bonferroni's principle which i took up from web mining is applicable in our real life too.... , many of us would have felt at some stage in our life .. that we think too much . collect too much of information .. analyze it by using those crappy statistical tools and... in the end we infer our noble prize winning discovery ...which turns out to be crap...... . The best word the , the so called gyaan gurus have given is the "strategy"... writing realms of pages on how you can be successful , rich and powerful in this world... but if reading biographies of great people would have been the solution ... then all of us would be great and successful ... pity it's not the case ... So reading those crappy stuff for motivation .... is not the solution to your problems , coz what they did was to take risks ...which ultimately resulted in success for them .... they did not follow any so called blue ocean strategy ...... to reach their goals ... So the best thing is to clear all the clutter inside your brain ... without trying to look in for associations ....and patterns ....the best thing would be keep it straight and simple ..without much of the complications ...in life ( ya i am not that gyaan guru ... but can relate it from personal experiences.........).. the following lines from a song in Taare Zammen Par .. would sum up my thoughts.......


Tujh Mein Agar Pyaas Hai
Baarish Ka Ghar Bhi Pass Hai
O, Roke Tujhe Koi Kyon Bhala
Sang Sang Tere Aakash Hai

Ye meri kahani...........

No, its not that i have reached the end of my life , having accomplished everything ...., but surely i am at a state in my journey where i can look back and dwell upon the past five or six years. The following piece of Pseudo code( can't think of another term!!) bundled with the Aerosmith number best captures my journey .........

do
{
Dream on..............
} until , your dream comes true;

Ya .... for all the geeks would say that it's not the exact syntax of the do-while construct, but i am not trying to make readers learn any programming language. And for all the morons and non-geeks who don't understand even a bit .... it's a vicious loop that you have to enter irrespective of whether one wants or not .... The best escape route could be to surpass this loop and continue this journey of yours. But i did enter this loop ... at a very early stage of my life ... ever since i was able to spell my name .... though the "dream" always kept on changing.

In the early stage ... the dream was about getting good numbers in class ... to finish in the top three in the school ....which i somehow managed by FLUKE!. Then the dream reached higher orders of madness , to graduate from the best engineering college in the country .... that failed at the last hurdle .... but this failure spurred me on to think even more ...... transcending all the limits that one could do..... I started living it through the web pages of people i used to be fascinated with ...... their accomplishments of having published some 30 odd research papers on my favorite topic ALGORITHMS and OPTIMIZATION. The proofs, lemmas and the results fascinated me ...or you could say inspired me to dream on..... further and further ..... , some how felt if two scholars could revolutionize the way we search for information on the internet ... then given iota of a chance .. i could also replicate a fraction of their work.......

This fascination ... did urge me on towards studying papers and courses .. which were never supposed to be part of my UG curriculum , in the hindsight it proved out to be a good move .. whose benefits i am able to reap now....... I can boast , that i am a pretty good analyser of such stuff now.... But some how feel that i should have used these abilities in my practical life too. Problems could have been tackled with the same analysis as any theoretical design problem....perhaps the approach was not right ... In order to solve my problems , i used the easy approach of GREEDY ALGORITHM ANALYSIS , though the intention was to produce the result easily ...... the complexity in the worst case was high .... which always marred my progress further .... or in a layman's language ... the journey from point A to B ..... was not carried in a shortest distance possible .. i always somehow managed to route my journey via point C, ( Some how the fundas ... of displacement ..had stuck to me for long.. :) ..).

The best approach would have been to use a DIVIDE and CONQUER approach ... to divide my problems and conquer my fears... though these approach required many resources ... coz a recursive costs add to your solutions..... but the resources in this case were more time and effort .. which i could have managed... if i look back now....... Enough of this looking back business .... coz time cant really come back ... so after a really sorry and sad post ... which i had written some time back ... and got lots of choice words ... from a dear one .... i decided to look somehow positive in life .... NO the dreaming did not stop .... but the dream went to the background .... and the small aspects of life were PAGED into the .....my RAM (limited though) ...... these were always kept in the back store ... and never did i transfer them to the faster memory (RAM). Perhaps studying OS(operating systems) ...... was also useful :).... hough i wished i had followed this approach a little earlier ..... So after following this approach ...... i did start to enjoy the small aspects which i had somehow forgotten ..... the results were good ... may be my memory was refreshed after flushing out the PAGES .... which had stuck in it for ever................


So finally the dream .... is getting a picture of some sort ......surely i would be able to fulfill it in the coming months ......... just praying for it.........

PS: this one's for the numerologists and the astrologers..... , who the hell says 13 and 99 are unlucky ...?? remember it's us who make the numbers ..... numbers don't make us .........

For Akbar's Sake ,Please...............

So after an eventful sunday , on which i wasted the whole day on a doomed movie , did not have the courage and the will to write a review on JODHA AKBAR. Feeling priveleged that SAURAV has decided to contribute to my blog , by pening down the ordeal we all suffered on a fateful sunday. So here goes the review.................. thanks to Saurav once again

I couldn’t recall last where I had been let down so much. All the hype and hoopla surrounding Jodhaa Akbar had fizzed out in a 3:30 hrs ordeal.
Wondering what Mr. Gowariker could have done differently, I was in a fix!!
Hrithik hadn’t let us down yet again. He is one of those guys who will give up his 100% , no matter how substandard the script is, remember the string of flops that followed Kaho na pyaar , there wasn’t one film where the boy faltered.
Ash was her usual self ..’’All handwriting and no content”( Mahesh Bhatt in one of the umpteen interviews on television). Although, I guess we appreciate her that way. But age/marriage seems to have taken a toll on her,
boys- figure it thats out that for yourself!!
There wasn’t any problem with Ashutosh’s direction either.
Well quite clearly there wasn’t enough meat in the story.
A poor script!! Mr Gowariker had never faltered in this area of film making before.
To put the record straight,
But for the grandeur and scale , it would have been a soap opera running for at least
1000 eposides.
Hey did Ekta Kapoor pounce on that idea!!
A grumpy mother in law played by a hapless Ila Arun, well we never knew she could act also!!
A marriage of compromise and subsequent saas – bahu “nok-jhoks”.
Remember that salubrious meal, it already had few lips reaching out for it,
Anand and Vikas suddenly had their stomachs doing a “Ding a Dong…”
The director started with a noble cause but somewhere he seemed to have lost the track. The war scenes were presented with panache, but hey hold on!! There was hardly any fact to the story…
What is the fuss that these Rajputs are trying to create when there was hardly any fact or to put it simply…
It was fiction all the way with doses of History interspersed here and there!!
The producers seemed to have cashed on the name of Akbar…Well its paying dividend too!!…The movie is running to nearly packed horses all over the country.
Ever thought where to spend your dad’s 80 bucks in case u plan for this movie ..
I have a few suggestions for u..
To start with .. A laconic bargain with one of the college side vendors for a high octane Novel , and I would have my food and fodder for the next few days.
A HOT Cappuccino with Miss Wadhwa ( subject to permission from her bhaiya!!)..Stop dreaming, u idiot!!
Yeah, how do I miss out on those humorous anecdotes by Vikas, perhaps the only saving grace of the film.
DISCLAIMER: Those jokes were purely Non-Veg!!

IPL:The great indian circus

so ...20th feb was a historic day for indian cricket , when the corporate honchos splurged cash as if liquor was flowing all around the HILTON towers in mumbai (may be vijay mallaya's presence had some influence).At the end of the 10 hour CIRCUS (yes ,it was this only) ....and after spending 160 crores ... the likes of preity zinta , shahrukh khan ....justified there new found love for the game of CRICKET......(preity even remembered the 76 runs yuvi had scored on feb 19 )......:)...Now they may all be banking on the euphoria of india's 20-20 world cup win last September....but seriously ,there seems to be no logic on the kind of cash they have spent.

First the concept of IPL is somewhat flawed, they are banking on the city loyalty of supporters to help promote the league.Let's assume it may come true , though its highly unlikely .....i would never support brett lee knocking the stumps out , when sachin tendulkar is batting , no matter if lee is in my team ....but lets accept some morons ....passionately follow their cities , then would the live telecast attract only the city loyalists ?? ...This question seems to have no answers ... it's like a double edge sword to me .........

Second .... the way players were auctioned ... it was as if some commodity auction was going on at the chrsitie's or the sothebey's ...how can one treat players like that....they have some preferences ... on their price , for which city they want to play for ...but lalit modi's dream baby seemed to forget all these aspects and only concentrated on the moolahaaa.......

Third , some of the selections made mere even mind bobbling .....ricky ponting getting less than the one match (some 10 ball wonder ) manoj tiwari......, what was the rational for such selections ..if they went for marketing .....then it would have been better for the franchisees to select film stars instead of cricketers....They would amassed more money for them......because cricketing skills were not the criteria for selection..........There are some more issues which make it's viability somewhat circumspect... what if they never get a clear window for the IPL , then it would become a domestic 20-20 championship of local indian players. without international stars , you won't be able to find 80 odd domestic cricketers of the level and quality desired to attract the crowds..............

They want to follow the EPL model , but they seem to have forgotten that teams in EPL play all around , IPL will just last for 50 odd days ........football world cup comes in four years ...where as the nine test playing nations have a regular playing schedule all around the year...so the notion of associating players and fans with the city is highly unlikely....and the last point of contention is the format 20-20 ..it's like pyjama cricket to me ...with all hype and little substance.. it cannot produce the drama that sydney test produced....the verbal banter between the players ... three wickets in an over by michael clarke .......so spectators who seriously follow cricket ...and appreciate its quality would never accept this format........

BCCI and corporate world seems to be riding around 1.7 billion dollars on the back of the , fluke win in the 20-20 world cup final...all the best to them....but i see little light at the end of the TUNNEL.