I'm Back.................

So, the writers block seems to be over. It's not that i had nothing to write or i was short of ideas, perhaps i was enjoying being myself over the past month ... bearing the fruits of my labor which i had put in over the past one and a half year.I would not like to sound egoist but i think that i have achieved what was due for a long time....(something about this in my next post).


I think i would like to share some thing about me,it's perhaps the most difficult question that someone can answer .. the question that brings sweat on your face, makes you chew your lips ...grasping for breath ... thinking each word one would utter out ... now it's difficult to present a true picture of yourself in an interview ...because you want to crack it badly ..your life depends on it ... but perhaps i can reveal my true self in this blog ...bcoz i don't give a damn to what everyone thinks or interprets .. so keeping, the tradition of presenting this answers in a crisp and sweet way ... i am forced to use bullet points .....

• I have long ago discovered that i was born with two left feets, discs and party's are not for me ... i still wonder why ppl drag me to the dance floor .... i just wish they are a little smart!!!!
• Ya .. i discovered on this Wednesday night that i my conscious does not allow to party and booze ... when hundreds are massacred in your country ... i wish others had some sense .....and behave responsibly as citizens of this country.
• I don't like to be told what NOT to do.... this pushes me even further and i assure you that, i can cross any limit to prove you wrong ... If ppl have some doubt .... then i wish they were more practical ...in life.
• I am a self obsessed individual ...who does not care about the feelings of others ... i only care about my achievements, my goals and my targets.
• I forget b'days,anniversaries and rarely like to attend family functions.
• I rarely call my parents... talk to my sis once in a month ... and forget to wish my mom on her b'day last year ... suprisingly i did not forget this year, bcoz of the flak i got from my sister.
• I don't like to shower ppl with gifts and i expect the same in return....... this is unlike my sis ... who gifted a big teddy and flowers to my mother ..... kind of find it weird......
• I don't like to show off my self .... i believe more in action rather than thinking .....
  
• The phrase ,"May be if had done that" or "if only" does not exist in my dictionary.... those who believe that they are unlucky should ask themself whether they put in 100 % commitment .... You build your own luck...
  
• I don't expect to get attendance credit for classes that i don't attend ... proxies are not my cup of tea... everyone thinks that i am fool doing this ... but then i have principles and standards i have set for myself....
• I want to work for the best research labs...(i 'll be doing that)... want to study in the top institutes...y?? bcoz the kind of backing i have received from my father and mother .... I owe atleast this to them .... if they can give me the best of the facilities ,y can't i give back this to them ...( I have discovered this over the past one and a half year)
• I don't like to spend much of my time chatting on GTalk .... find it stupid ... if it's business then i have no problems ..... else the useless hate useless pinging......
• I stammer when it comes to public speaking .... i have no shame in admitting the same ... words are not my friend i suppose.....
• I love the challenge of giving competitive exams ... perhaps the number of exams i have written, can be published as a fat book of archive papers....
• I won't say that i haven't committed mistakes in life ... but then i have never pondered on them ... moving forward with more vigor and self belief......

I guess these are some of the points i can think at this moment ... perhaps ppl who know me can make addition to this list ... you are welcome.....

these are the lines a geek like me (entirely not on my own) wrote roughly two years back ....for .................... a

arsa hua woh milay nahi,
fir sapne mein aana ajab ho gaya
sapne mein aake zara muskura ke,
neende churaana gazab ho gaya na mulaakatein,
aur na hi koi baatein,
fir na jaane yeh kab ho gaya
na socha na samjha na janaa kabhi kuchh,
bus pataa chalaa ki dil kho gaya

Names....

Well i have been often criticized for not taking names in my blog.... my friends have always told me that how disappointed they were, when they knew that i was talking about them but did not directly point towards them. The only post in which i did take names was for the closest pals in my engineering college ... bharat,atin,raghav and sid .... and perhaps i would never forget them ... but then everyone says that you move on in life and meet new friends .... So here i am writing about the new pals and friends , i made in MUMBAI....... So here goes the addition in my honour list :) ... So that no one feels jealous .....i will introduce them in alpahbetical order.......

So when i landed up in mumbai ... i had no idea .. how would a delhi brat adjust to the hustle and bustle of this city .... i won't say it was easy but these people did made my stay somewhat easy....so here I go....

ABHI(bhaiyaji....) Somehow everyone will wonder about the nickname "bhaiyaji"... it's a long story which can't be explained for some obvious constraints.... and i thought that i would dedicate a whole post towards him..... phir socha ,,,kya itni importance deni chahiya?? ....:) ...well he claims that he knows the by lanes of bombay on back of his hands .....ya he surely knows the backlanes of the pubs in bandra ..... that's bombay for him ..... work hard and enjoy your time with booze.... i would not afraid to admit that he is perphaps the closest friend that i have in mumbai (...i can smelll others feeling jealous)....what i have learnt from him ... is to be positive ... take criticism and turn it around... be a STUD,behave like one .......and give a damn to what everyone thinks about you ....... thanks mate...

ANAND(Andy)... well he is the friend who told me to be realistic in life .....and i covered it in my post earlier... though i somehow don't agree with him on this point .....and he knows that... I would say that in the beginning i wasn't really close to him ... but as the time passed i understood him better :)..... i am confident ki "ye ladka life mei kuch karega"....... but that "kuch" to wo bhi nahi jaanta ...... and what have i admire his super oratory skills, a great personality and a mass female fan following...:) ... just one point that i would like him to make clear ....... why this sudden interest in visiting temple dailiy?... he's gonna kill me

PREETI(nickname ...loon na loon ........koi to bataye.....) ...i always thought from the beginning that she was some kind of weirdo ....(aaahhhh maar daalegi)... but the day i knew her my myths were shattered....what i admire about her is that she is forever smiling ...may be one day i will inculcate this aspect into my life .... though one illusion she has is that every guy is looking at her:).... though it's quite the opposite ...NSP (nain(eyes) sukh prapti) is her USP .......(ab to pakka khoon hone wala hai mera).... and she always tells me "ki mai ajeeb sa hoon" ..... and i would like to make it clear publically that i am different .... because i am not ordinary :)...isliye.......samjhi...... and she is the one who made me suffer on that shopping experience of her's.....( i would never forgive her)

SUMAN(could not think of ny nicknames....) To me he is a true IITian ...one who never compromises on the standards set in life ... he studies what he likes ... never bothered about the marks he gets ... some say he is STUBBORN but i don't think that diluting one's standards is the alternative to this .... U rock ....... but one caution to all da girls ... he is very apprehensive in offering lift to the girls .... except ??( your's guess is as good as mine:)).....

SURYA(suri...).... the most awesome quizzer that i have come across in my life ...I tell U DUDE he is brilliant....just looking at the way he blushes while talking to girls makes me wonder .... iska kya hoga :)..... he becomes to conscious in front of them ... chill DUDE ..... though we have linked him to every girl we could think of doing but he never minds that... itni sharafat acchi nahi hai .... you 've gotta be strong .... though we had some recent clashes but deep inside he is gem of a human being.....

SUBBU(mai baap) ..... Sitting alone in a corner ... you could never wonder ... that this silent asssain can be so lethal ...when he opens his mouth .... a brilliant orator .... and the most responsible individual that i have come across ... he is the living example ... of the qoute that responsibilty makes the best to come out of you ....(sorry yaad nahi aaa raha exact qoute) .... he is one of the very few individuals which i respect..professionaly ... some day i hope that i would be able to put forward my viewpoints like him and not stammer as i always do......

VIKAS(vicky....,jahapanaha.....aur bhi hai)..NO COMMENTS .... arre burra mann jayenge vicky sir agar sirf ye likh ke chor diya ... i haven't seen the sense of humour he posesses ... he can think on his feet and come ot with lines that would make you laugh and simultaneously make you kill him like the ones "kabhi BULANDSHAHAR india ke map mei bhi dekha hai ??"......I am sure that the day he finds deirection in his life he would do wonders.....

So these are the NAMES.... that will forever be with me ......where ever i am in life........

A Dream- Part II

Time to complete the story I had left….. though deep inside I know, hardly anyone is interested in reading it …..( going by the comments I received on my last post)….but still I want to tell my story …….

What after the alarm went bang on that day , I did wake up in 6 in da morning, not to attend my convocation… seriously I had no motivation in attending the ceremony at a place where i hated going …. Everyday ……where there was no respect for your talents…. A place where they taught you to build “dreams” in da air, without laying down the necessary foundation needed to build it …. To me you can never build dreams in thin air…. Perhaps I did not want to receive my degree from certain individuals ……

So where the hell I was on that day?? … I went to an institute …. the best the country has to offer in fulfilling my IM ( Intellectual Masturbation) on the paper which i had been writing …. To me this was productive … rather than catching 392 and spending an hour on da trip that took me no where …… Even if there was a 0.000000001 probability in me attending it ….. i made sure that the event never took place by not completing the stupid “NO DUES” form of my institute … I never told my parents about the event …. else they would have forced me to go there … I did receive the email ……but it pressed the DELETE button … I did not want my mom to applaud my degree … bcoz deep inside I knew that she never wanted me to come to this institute ….. so there was no point in making her put an artificial veil of happiness over her face ….bcoz I had let her down…. her dreams never crystallized…….

And to my friends …. I never felt that I would gain anything from attending it …. firstly my best friend wasn’t there and …. I felt that no one had ever understood me in those four years … my dreams and passions … to them perhaps I was some kind of weird … thing that had hit them out of the blue ……. Whatever … there was no point in going there and being “happy” in front of them…. My father always tells me that it’s best to avoid things that make you angry …. and out his thousand advices I followed this one …… I am sorry to my friends that I wasn’t able to meet them …. But I could not sacrifice myself for this occasion…. Convo’s are the events we look forward to in our lives …. But to me that day in January was just another day …….

PS: My Institute … I don’t know what forced them …. But they did deliver my degree to me next year as I signed the “NO DUES” form later …… though it did not really matter to me ….. it’s another piece of cardboard that lies in my drawer.

A Dream.......

You have cherished this moment since the day you entered the hallowed four walls of the institute. Slogging out the nights over a piece of code ... which fails to run because of some "Stack Overflow" error. Your life is hinged on it.... because you have gotta prove something.... but the bloody code refuses to run ... and you wonder what the hell..... the research paper annotates your discovery.. but oohh boy you need to implement it parctically ... to prove it to a panel of so called professors or "jokers" ...that you have discovered some thing new , a revolutionary idea ... though deep inside you know that no one will give a damn to your proposal.... they will sleep through the presentation and for formality say "good work"...... 

This apart .. their approval is critical to your dreams... which you have cherished over the years ... the dreams which started gaining shape the day you saw a "black box"... on which we depend a lot ....A COMPUTER... the fascination .. of how the hell this machine perform such calculations in a short span of time.... the discovery of your dream starts with revealing open every layer of this machine ... the processors , the registers and every piece of circuitary inside the black box... the madness extends further .... and you realise what this machine can compute and what it can't .. the so called theory of NP and complexity .... and then how the hell we are able to convert our so called "fourth generation language" the C ,C#,JAVA into bits of 0's and 1's.... but ohh boy the journey is fascinating ..... it transcends ... all the difficulties you face.........

And then the day comes... where sun is shining brightest ...on a chill january morning .. your day of reckoning... you are expected to get on the stage ... amids the round of applauses form your pals and parents which are sitting proudly .... the robe is  bit uncomfortable... but you hardly bother about this .....your name is called ... and their is a gulp in your throat ... the anxiety is killing you ... the sweat on dat .... january morning (is it possible???) ..you walk up to the stage ... with the hands shivering.... a piece of paper certifying your toil of four years is given to you ... you are anxious to get of it quickly... but then you realise whether... your moment of glory has been captured by the photographer or not ....you make it sure it very well happens... this photo will be shown to your children,grandchildren and so on....... you get off the stage... and realise that tears are rolling down your mom's eye ....... the moment sunks in.... the dream has been achieved or is it ??

But then suddenly the Alarm rings @ 6 in the morning ...............

(to be continued....)

Who needs a Title!!

This piece of intellectual masturbation (I will throw more light on it some another day!!) is a result of a discussion that I was having with my friend a few days back. Well what was it all about …. He pointed out that I am too optimistic and one should be realistic in life …. Well I used be that a few years back, but then I realised it’s no point doing things what all the junta does and i should be different from the league of ordinary gentlemen and women……

Thinking narrowly can some how take away the vigour and vitality in one’s life. I am not of the opinion that we should forget our past all together and start from block one. Past has taught me the blunders that I have committed (willingly), hey but I have learnt more than others than most of my peers who are hell frightened to take the route never traversed and perhaps they never will… bcoz it takes GUTS to take risks that most of them never shall … it’s easy sitting in corporate glass towers and living a “structured life”, than to follow your love and passion. Perhaps they shall one day realise that brushing their dreams under the carpet, will be painful and they should have never done the same … it may be too late then…..

This is the power of “trying” … because then you learn from your mistakes… I am candid in admitting that life’s no ALGORITHM (time for comp. science fundaas!!). you can’t devise the best piece of steps and code for your life … but life’s more of HEURISTICS and that’s the magic of it … we built one set of rules , then we fail and then we learn from the mistakes … do a little bit of tweaking and ….have a new set of rules …. these rules change depending upon the circumstances … having a rigid set of ALGORITMIC rules will never solve our purpose… and being a pessimist … will never help to a little bit of tweaking … coz one will be too afraid to try….. so think as wildly as possible, imagine some thing which isn’t feasible on paper because the greatest pleasure is in doing things that other say you can never do …. Prove to them that they were wrong …(perhaps they shall never discourage others in the future!!)…

Perhaps I may be boasting …then may be I am, but the point that I am putting forward is that unless you try, be optimist you will loose the battle even before you begun…. So it’s no harm thinking of the most weird and wild idea in one’s mind …than to just sit ideal and never take on your fears ….. thinking positive is half the battle won … So GO FOR IT!!

complexity of anonymity

i was working on a problem to reduce the complexity of anonymising structured data, to ensure the privacy of individuals and achieved a factor of O(n) an improvement over the previous best solution which promised a complexity of O(nlogn)....(for all the non-geeks ... i somehow promised to solve this problem in a shorter time...:))......

So you must all be wondering , why the hell i am boring you to death by telling this....well coz all of us at some stage in our life have try to suppress various "key attributes" of ours ... so that we can hide our past. We dont want others to let know ...about the events which took place in our lives...may be we all are scared ..of what ???..well we should ask ourselves , if hiding your problems and difficulties can solve them , then i don't think there would be any in this world , sadly it's not the case......

The mask which we wear keeps on changing ... in front of our parents,relatives and our friends...we always try to project a cool image of ours... the "james bond" type ... but when this mask is revealed ... we stand in front of them ... naked and not able to look straight into their eyes....so we ignore them ....but for how long ???...... we all wish that we are able to suppress some critical information of ours so that others don't know about us .... we wish that "anonymizing" oneself is as easy as the solution that i somehow have been able to arrive in theory of mining...

But life's no dataset or a corpora that than be tailored and clustered to our wishes, we can't bulit training sets that function according to our commands. Training sets normally put data in data into two "portions" left or right ... but the opinions of people and their thinking can't be binary .... its between o and 1 .... and not 0 and 1.... no matter how long one try to cover one self with the veil .... this veil will reval our true face..... so it's better we dont try all this crap in our life's ...coz emerging out it can take ages... we may try to present a happy face... but deep inside we know how this can slowly eat our happiness .... so it's better to be your true to one self.....

So anonmyzing our key attributes can suppress some of our characteristics... but we forget ...that combination of our other attributes .... the so called "quasi identifiers"...in the language of database can reveal the facts we have tried to hide .....it's like a cat and dog race... i may have promised to solve the theoretical problem in O(n) time.... but some day , others will reduce the complexity further .... bringing out ways where this anonymity can be "unmasked"... and then proposing another way to anonymizing ourselves... but in the end we all are running a race , where we know that we will eventually loose..... so live as u want ... to live ..... GTH everyone......

PS: i may have used some jargons ...which are used in computer science theory ... but i hope everyone gets the point....