Magic and Reality....

It always has been the case that i put in my best efforts on things i love doing. Remarkably over the past eight months i have enjoyed each and every moment that i have spent at my workplace, having the privilege to interact with best of the brains that i have met. Though it's a different aspect that i never wanted be in this city as part of my assignment, mumbai still beckons me and hope i will be there one day.

Dreams are part of one's folklore, the struggles to achieve them and then aiming a tad higher. Perhaps I can never be satisfied in a state, transition is mandatory as in the case of automata theory :)... I dont have any hint regarding the decision with i have to take by April mid...but hell i am not worried about it at this juncture of life..because i have realised that i have never achieved my goals by thinking about them. I had the best time in my life when i stopped thinking about the outcomes of my decisions.

So whats fascinating about my work life, well i can go back to my home after work and read about child hood idols the poincare's, riemann's and abel's. Mathematics to me has been the essence of my survival over the most stormy passages that i have experienced. It took my concentration away from the troubles and problems that i had to face growing up. My parents are still worried about this wastage of my precious time, when i should be socializing and going out with my friends ...(i hardly have any in delhi)...In the hindsight this unnecessary reading about the great works have helped me to be more rational, and solve some of the toughest lemmas, conjectures and hypothesis in computer science. Theoretical CS is 99% maths to me. The magic of turning machines, P Space and PCP have always fascinated me, right from the time i had laid my hands on them.

As for the reality..... you can imagine that being lost in this world can have ramifications in other aspects of your life, perhaps none greater than expressing yourselves in front of others, socializing with them. Though i have never considered them to be that important but i have started to realize that its' essential for one to move out of his comfort zone and look at at the other side with open eyes. I have serious problems in speaking publicly in front of a bunch of people. I have tried to look into this aspect over the past few months but i always have a feeling that certain things are not necessary for your audience ...and a certain level of intelligence is expected...but perhaps the best speakers are the one that can take everyone along with them. It's very easy to speak in front of people whom you are comfortable with, but what counts is the first impression you leave on people that you don't know... It has always been easy for me to type pages and pages of what i wanted to express...but never had the confidence to express them in front of others... some thing or the other always ended my disastrous journey. Perhaps i am still overawed by the occasion.......

I guess being satisfied after reading and understanding roughly 200 pages of perelman's proof of poincare's conjecture it not that healthy..:)

rt

A Dream.......

You have cherished this moment since the day you entered the hallowed four walls of the institute. Slogging out the nights over a piece of code ... which fails to run because of some "Stack Overflow" error. Your life is hinged on it.... because you have gotta prove something.... but the bloody code refuses to run ... and you wonder what the hell..... the research paper annotates your discovery.. but oohh boy you need to implement it parctically ... to prove it to a panel of so called professors or "jokers" ...that you have discovered some thing new , a revolutionary idea ... though deep inside you know that no one will give a damn to your proposal.... they will sleep through the presentation and for formality say "good work"...... 

This apart .. their approval is critical to your dreams... which you have cherished over the years ... the dreams which started gaining shape the day you saw a "black box"... on which we depend a lot ....A COMPUTER... the fascination .. of how the hell this machine perform such calculations in a short span of time.... the discovery of your dream starts with revealing open every layer of this machine ... the processors , the registers and every piece of circuitary inside the black box... the madness extends further .... and you realise what this machine can compute and what it can't .. the so called theory of NP and complexity .... and then how the hell we are able to convert our so called "fourth generation language" the C ,C#,JAVA into bits of 0's and 1's.... but ohh boy the journey is fascinating ..... it transcends ... all the difficulties you face.........

And then the day comes... where sun is shining brightest ...on a chill january morning .. your day of reckoning... you are expected to get on the stage ... amids the round of applauses form your pals and parents which are sitting proudly .... the robe is  bit uncomfortable... but you hardly bother about this .....your name is called ... and their is a gulp in your throat ... the anxiety is killing you ... the sweat on dat .... january morning (is it possible???) ..you walk up to the stage ... with the hands shivering.... a piece of paper certifying your toil of four years is given to you ... you are anxious to get of it quickly... but then you realise whether... your moment of glory has been captured by the photographer or not ....you make it sure it very well happens... this photo will be shown to your children,grandchildren and so on....... you get off the stage... and realise that tears are rolling down your mom's eye ....... the moment sunks in.... the dream has been achieved or is it ??

But then suddenly the Alarm rings @ 6 in the morning ...............

(to be continued....)