A Thought....

Today while returning back from work, i was thinking what lies ahead for me in the coming months. Either i can continue with the same routine or take a drastic step that can completely change my surroundings for the major chunk of my adulthood. Perhaps the decision involves many stakeholders, it's not always easy to only concentrate on yourselves, your desires and wishes... but feelings of others do matter.

I have always taken decisions which i felt were good for me..often shunning the criticism that i have faced about them. It's easy to take them while you are 18 something..but as you grow older decisions can have after effects which can be influential down the road. The though process has undergone a radical transformation over the past few days. The feeling to prove oneself has completely gone out of the window, because i have realized there are smarter asses than me all over the world and try as much, i can never be at par with them. So why not enjoy what you have got rather than go after something that's like chasing a mirage. Your core strength's determine your well being...some day i have to stop chasing goals. I know i am contradicting my self considering what i wrote in my last post, but the feeling to stop and enjoy my present state is stronger than it was ever before.

The eternal optimist in me is perhaps starting to betray me. It's part of the effort to change, that i am seriously contemplating to be more regular on my blog..I only wrote when i was frustrated, lonely and had to vent out my anger but one can easily express themselves on topics which have been always close to my heart but i never felt to talk about them. Writing helps me to put together my thoughts in a rational manner, be more articulate and perhaps improve my pathetic writing skills. It's not enough to be good at your own work, the power to express your self is important. In the past i have lost so many times with friends because i was not able to put down my problems in front of them. In the quest to achieve more and more i have failed to keep up with most of my old pals.

Conversations are important as they help you to put down your points, sitting alone can become frustrating after a while. They help you to discover parts of life that have been kept aside or lost in translation. The undiscovered or unprocessed side of your life can bring major surprises and shocks to oneself. It' no use of being timid and taking things as they come, one should be able to express his or her opinion about it. No one should take you for granted.

I have no idea where i started in this post or where i am going to end, perhaps it's the state of my mind. I agree the rant is still there though i have tried to suppress it... It's not easy doing that... perhaps things can and will change...

Magic and Reality....

It always has been the case that i put in my best efforts on things i love doing. Remarkably over the past eight months i have enjoyed each and every moment that i have spent at my workplace, having the privilege to interact with best of the brains that i have met. Though it's a different aspect that i never wanted be in this city as part of my assignment, mumbai still beckons me and hope i will be there one day.

Dreams are part of one's folklore, the struggles to achieve them and then aiming a tad higher. Perhaps I can never be satisfied in a state, transition is mandatory as in the case of automata theory :)... I dont have any hint regarding the decision with i have to take by April mid...but hell i am not worried about it at this juncture of life..because i have realised that i have never achieved my goals by thinking about them. I had the best time in my life when i stopped thinking about the outcomes of my decisions.

So whats fascinating about my work life, well i can go back to my home after work and read about child hood idols the poincare's, riemann's and abel's. Mathematics to me has been the essence of my survival over the most stormy passages that i have experienced. It took my concentration away from the troubles and problems that i had to face growing up. My parents are still worried about this wastage of my precious time, when i should be socializing and going out with my friends ...(i hardly have any in delhi)...In the hindsight this unnecessary reading about the great works have helped me to be more rational, and solve some of the toughest lemmas, conjectures and hypothesis in computer science. Theoretical CS is 99% maths to me. The magic of turning machines, P Space and PCP have always fascinated me, right from the time i had laid my hands on them.

As for the reality..... you can imagine that being lost in this world can have ramifications in other aspects of your life, perhaps none greater than expressing yourselves in front of others, socializing with them. Though i have never considered them to be that important but i have started to realize that its' essential for one to move out of his comfort zone and look at at the other side with open eyes. I have serious problems in speaking publicly in front of a bunch of people. I have tried to look into this aspect over the past few months but i always have a feeling that certain things are not necessary for your audience ...and a certain level of intelligence is expected...but perhaps the best speakers are the one that can take everyone along with them. It's very easy to speak in front of people whom you are comfortable with, but what counts is the first impression you leave on people that you don't know... It has always been easy for me to type pages and pages of what i wanted to express...but never had the confidence to express them in front of others... some thing or the other always ended my disastrous journey. Perhaps i am still overawed by the occasion.......

I guess being satisfied after reading and understanding roughly 200 pages of perelman's proof of poincare's conjecture it not that healthy..:)

rt

War and Peace

Today everyone woke up to the surprising news of Barack Obama winning the Nobel prize for peace. This news has stirred up a debate about his candidacy for the prize, with people questioning the basis or the deeds which led to him winning the prize. I must admit that i never dreamt in my wildest dreams that he would win the prize.

What has he done? none of his promises have bore any fruit till now be it the Israel palestine conflict or his promise to talk with Iran, his efforts to free the world of the nuclear weapons. Frankly speaking he has done nothing, he has only talked about it. The nobel committee feels that his efforts in bringing together leaders and reaching out to people in middle east and western asia is a start in the right direction. The lecture which he gave at the Cairo University was certainly a good start.

I support the viewpoints of the people opposed to his name for the coveted prize, but then we are forgetting a point that nobel peace prize is more about a political statement rather than a right person being nominated for it. Certainly there were better candidates this year be it the Zimbabwean leader Morgan Tsvangirai, but there is a message that the nobel committee wants to send out this year.

The message is clear, it wants to put pressure on US to stop taking the military option in solving conflicts. Bearing in mind the conflicts of Iraq and Afghanistan , it does not want to see Iran conflict taking the same shape. Obama being the commander in chief of the most powerful force in the world would think twice before using any military option. There has been a lot of expectation from Obama ever since he assumed the presidency of the united states. He has tried to mend relations with the world which were thwarted by the arrogant stance of George Bush , who was at war while he went to sleep.

Cynics would bash this choice for the nobel prize, his supporters would now think that he is the ultimate saviour of the world. But the expectation or the promises may never be fulfilled. So we all must tread cautiously, without expecting miracles. Today's decision perhaps reflects this sense of expectation, the optimism that Obama would make every thing right. Will he become the second man to walk on water, perhaps time will tell, but today's decision reflects the hopes of people all around the world. I am sure he is no "Mahatma" or "Martin Luther King", but its very easy to point fingers at others, without putting your feet in his shoes.

When he ran for Presidency, opponents said he was more of a celebrity with exceptional oratory skills, but he proved everyone wrong. Many would think today's decision is influenced by the power of the US, but then who says everything which happens is fair. Some how i have this feeling that people are wary of his success, his rise has been so meteoric that no one expected.
I can only say that we must respect the fact that he has done all this through his hard work, and in your journey of success you reach some heights which you have never dreamt, may be it is just one of these days!!!

Power Of Finger!!

I regret the fact the we all take this right for granted!!! ... when over half the population all over the world is ruled by dictators.Just wish that the remaining 47 who didn't vote some day stand up lighting candles and demand their rights.....

Bindaaaassss....

As the saying goes, whatever begins has to come to an end ...perhaps i am glad that today it has come to an end..the ordeal is over ... i have tried to live these two years with minimum fuss and complexity in my life ..where the soul goal was to focus on my dream of a grad school ...and i have pretty much achieved the same. This time has not been easy, i have sat in class rooms where the walls were like a prison. I have seen professors blabber stuff which is utter nonsense, people giving presentations where they expressed one sentence in 10 lines ... going round and round like a jalebi ...with little content and all gas ...and they bloody say that ..they are Einsteins deserving all the fame and moolaha....

I did try to be patient, but then there was always and adversary which always challenged my temper ,be it the unprofessional behavior shown in the classes , disrespecting your batch mates...and thinking that they are too cultured to be with someone ..i must say that modernity is not being hep .... going to pubs ...laughing at others ... just becoz ... they are not part of your culture ... the best way to answer them is to reach pedestals that they can never imagine to reach ... there's no way of doing right a wrong thing ....just becoz the rest of the class does it you follow it and vindicate the same... I know life is not fair , but then it's upto us to leave a level playing fiels and not to bask in the glory ...whose foundations have been shaky ......

I have realised that people have been judging others ,on a set of parameters which they think are best for them... but i am glad that people who have been considered outsiders have walked away with the highest laurels in the class, be it the best pay packets or the admits to the prestigious universities ...perhaps this might open their eyes and they would stop having negative opinion about them ...considering them weird .... dehaati... and what not .... please look at where you stand and then have opinions about the others. I have tried to be calm but as the adversary argument tries to challenge your solution to an algorithm .. i am driven on by the negative vibes that i get ... it challenges me to transcend horizons and leave them far behind ... never to look at them.

I would admit that i have made pretty good friends in these two years and will never forget ..perhaps it's bcoz of them that i have been able to live my time out here.. i am thankful to you all .... but i am pretty happy that it's all over and i would not interact with people ...who want to make it big in life by using whatever means .... they think is right ..


ALL THE BEST TO THEM ... but remember that you cannot reach horizons which demand true hardwork and diligence .....

Paint me Red!!

#FF0000... you all must be tearing apart your hair and wondering ..what the hell i have written .. well it's nothing but the RGB value of color red...( Geek @ his best)...Before coming to the conclusion that i have become insane,mad and what not i must tell you that i am all right ... my fascination with color red has nothing to do with the terror attack... but on the contrary it's to do with the rise of my favorite football club LIVERPOOL , "The Reds"..I mean watching them play this season is nothing short of a dream ..having beaten Manchester united and Chelsea in their own backyards..they have learnt to garner points away from home, perhaps this was the single biggest link that was missing in their title chase over the past few years .. way to go......

I know it's too early to call this season ...leading by just one point ..anything can happen but i salute their team spirit and passion ... if u wonder why i support a club which has under achieved in the past 10 years ... the answer is ,I like UNDERDOGS...why?? ...because i was the one in this elite club ...


I still remember the fascinating day of 25th may,2005 .. when despite all the odds they came back from 0-3 at the halftime to defeat AC Milan in Ataturk stadium in Istanbul.Perhaps it was fitting that the red city was host to this occasion and "The Reds" had finally arrived ... i did not sleep the whole night... god knows how i passed my engineering major the next day:)..but nothing ... even the fear of the exam could dampen my excitement on that night ... the passion with which they played that night can never be surpassed it was magical!!. The boyhood dream of Gerrard was finally fulfilled and no wonder he slept with the cup that day .......

This was the day .. that marked a turning point in my life ... yaa it's absolutely true ..you all must be wondering that i needed inspiration from them. Yes , at some point in your life .. when confidence level is the least, you need a kick on the back. Perhaps i am not that great that inner motivation can drive me .. so i need some thing to urge me on ...and the fact that it took me another 3 years to carve out my own path ...tells that i am an ordinary soul!!!... May be i don't like to reach my target the easy way ... arre there's no drama and adrenaline in this... i like to struggle, and given no chance by others, i like to emerge from the ashes like a phoenix (sorry for using your blog name)..

To me a NADAL is a better player than federer .. because for federer and tiger woods it's walk in the park ... they aren't the UNDERDOGS....On that night, it was the greatest come back by the UNDERDOGS..... and they won because they had the team spirit,passion and faith.. among the players.. which you can't buy ... they had a captain that perhaps is the beat midfielder in the world ...who doesn't run after money unlike the leagues of Christiano Rolando ....the guy can't even commit his allegiance to his club even after the start of the season......or the joker robinho who ruined his career .. bcoz a shaikh offered him a few dollars more in Manchester city .....You can get all the money ... but will you perform your duty with commitment and passion ?? this question seriously needs to be asked ...

To me it's the greatest team in the world ,i don't go by trophies and titles ... just the atmosphere at ANFIELD pumps up your adrenaline ...may be someday i'll be there to witness a match ... but by then they would have pulled down the stands and moved to STANLEY PARK ... but i can assure that the passion will be same ... the electric atmosphere and an inspirational captain ...they may or may not win EPL this year ... but the UNDERDOGS have arrived so has this UNDERDOG.........: )

Title ... zaroori hai kya??

After being accused of self-indulgence ... like i am Barack Obama... i now plan to move to the next level ... So something more about my self ( If u are contemplating on killing urself ... then do contact me).....

Chalo i will start with some numbers... numbers are all that i know ...if u ask me i can give probability for every damn event that can occur ... chalo time to list down some no's .... 249,13,99,10.2 ....and yaa they are in chronological order ..and you 'll be wondering how they are associated with me ... now here my ingenuinity comes to play... So i 'll map all these using a function ( bhai logon ... basic algebra hai ... thoda samajh lo !!)

F(249,13,99,10.2)= Yours Truly..... thoda filmy dialogue bhi ho jaaye ... considering the crappiest movies i have been priveledged to witness over the past few months ... film dialogue to mere khoon mei bas chuke hai !!

"Aaaj jo bhi mai hoon , in number ke wajaha se hi hoon "

Guyz... pls dont kill me for this bad and pathetic dialogue .... abhi naya naya aaya hoon is industry mei ....chalo numbers apart you would agree that you need these variables to prove your self in front of others. i would not go deep inside these numbers ... their reasons... ye kaam to google ka hai ..... mining ur data and interpreting your searches....

I have never believed that a human being can be quantified by numbers... bhaiya life is not statistics ... humans are defined by their intricacies,characterstics that you can never quantify .... so i think that these personality tests are as hollow as celina jaitley trying to act on stage...i have never felt that i needed to be @ point X in my life to prove that i have arrived home...or reached somewhere..If you seriously ask me i still don't know where i am heading in life .. if i reach point A then i earn to be at point B and this journey will continue. To me the journey is more important in life than being able to reach targets... perhaps i would not like to stagnate by being at Point Z( the final point) in my life ... i would like to move on and rediscover my self again and again .... i don't think that reading any thing is derogatory ...because you might never know when it would help you..........

I live and will die with philosphy .... "The most uncomfortable person in this world is a person who is not himself" isliye to i follow this .....again and again... I have learnt to listen myself by building a cocoon around my ears ...i don't give into the fashion treands ... perhaps that is why i wear the weirdest jeans that are too loose ... but what the hell i am comfortable doing that ... i don't drink ...(arre bhai log alcohol ki baat kar raha hoon)... inspite my friends gulping loads of beer,vodka,whiskey and what not ... i dont feel the drinking makes you cool... and so does playing heavy metal songs on my winamp...there are names thay you would better associate in a zooo ( Gorilla..... i am sorry bhaiyaji)....I would like to improve .... but not to please others ... perhaps that's why i am considered "ajeeb sa",uncool,and not happening .... because i have learnt to be myself....

Vaise i could go on and on .....but i know that suicide is not a good way to die :)....so i would shut up my mouth ... and signal to the readers that ur ordeal is over......and get back to my NUMBERS.......

PS: Just to inform that i 'll be in hyderabad from dec 12 to dec 14... so this is for those who don't have my contact ... would love to catch up with old pals!!! ... If u feel the need ... so plss fire mails if u want .......Nespaper advertisement khatam hui:)