Movie....which side are you.....

I would admit that leaving aside the hectic schedule and odd working hours, the saving grace about my current profession is that i get the opportunity to meet a lot of  budding entrepreneurs. Though I don't have the resources to fund them but at least I am able to help them structure their proposition in front of Investors. In short create a compelling story, perhaps this is what Investment Bankers are paid for.

Having said that, I feel some times that being on the other side would be more exciting. Not talking about being an investor but rather being an entrepreneur. The kind of challenges these people face are fraction of what we can ever imagine. There I was meeting someone whose half the team comprising of 10 people was poached by a rival. It takes a lot of grit and determination to overcome this jolt and get back on your way, but this entrepreneur did it in 20 days flat and now he is up and running. This perhaps is an iota of difficulties that an entrepreneur faces.

They have to focus on each and every aspect of their business be it sales, strategy or doing number crunching. I am amazed how easily they get command over their financials in spite of having no professional education, perhaps you don't require that. Constructing Balance Sheets, Profit & Loss Statements is all about thinking in a structured and logical manner which they all are well accustomed to. Their day to day challenges teach them how to think quickly and re align their business with the changing environment.

Today perhaps represents the best opportunity for someone to start on his own, it has two pronged advantages one you are in control of your own destiny and secondly you provide employment to other set of Individuals, not forgetting the fact that you learn all the traits of life by doing this. People always talk of Savvy Investors but they are forgetting the fact that investors only come to being when we have spirited entrepreneurs who make it possible for them to invest. As one Fund Manager told me it's like watching the movie but to feel the pulse and adrenaline you have to be in the movie.

This sentiment / feeling is being reflected in today's environment where a lot of Fund Managers themselves are leaving to start their own ventures. They all say that people they have funded have made more money than their standard carry fee would ever make for them. Not all ventures are successful, out of the 5 we talk about 95 have already bitten the dust. But these 95 entrepreneurs never loose hope and always rise up to start a new one. We mortals being on the sidelines can only imagine the fun and excitement we are missing out.

In short, perhaps it's time to take the plunge and make life more exciting and lastly "Be in the Movie"........

Time for some action.............. 

The Final

It's that time of the year again, when my mom thinks that my behavior is on the border of Insanity. No it's nothing to do with the hot weather, but it's the last week of May the time when close to 100 million passionate supporters spread across different time zones gather to watch the spectacle called Champions League Final. 

Critics would still say that it's the league title in one's native country that would provide most satisfaction to a club's loyal support base, but there's something magical about this whole format that brings together the best teams across europe. Given that most of the world's top footballing talent is display in leagues across europe , it shouldn't be a surprise as to why it is a marquee competition.

Enough of the praise for the format / players, it's time to get back to business and time for some serious hardcore analysis ( this is what I bankers are paid for). So it's the re run of the 2009 final when Barcelona seemed to be the only team playing at san siro. If rumors are to be believed it was the after effect of guardiola's brilliant pre match strategy of showing a video based on gladiator theme to his players ( Gosh!! what can one expect in england). Barcelona thrashed manchester united that night, if i can remember they were not even able to string together a sequence of more than three passes in the mid field. But when you have magicians like Iniesta  and Xavi controlling the midfield, I would not have given the hapless red devils an iota of chance.

This final would again be a contrast of two playing styles, the beautiful and free flowing football played by barcelona. As the saying goes practice makes one perfect, it shouldn't be a surprise that what is taught in their training academy is replicated on the playing field. Contrast this to manchester united's style of playing that demands that one wins at any cost. So their strategy revolves around stifling their opponents, closing down the flanks and attacking them on the counter attacks. ( Don't think they can beat barcelona at their own game). I am no expert to talk about players combinations (4-4-2, 4-5-1) but both teams are certainly spoilt for choices, when it comes to alternatives for each position on the ground. Still it would be Messi Vs Red Devils XI, considering how the argentine has become the pivot around which the whole team revolves around. One should never forget barcelona's great mid field but the magic of little man overshadow's them all.

Now coming back to saturday's match  it's gonna be a great spectacle with most of the Wembley chokker block with english supporters. Perhaps it would be the best chance for manchester united to win this one, considering they are accustomed to these conditions. But my sentimental favorites would still be barcelona, they have promoted a brand of football over the past 3 years that makes you watch this game, how magically they are able to weave their web around the opponent and then literally walk the ball inside the goal.

One off final's do have there share of surprises as its the performance on that night which matters, frankly if barcelona were to play manchester united 15 times a year their record would be 14-1. That apart it would also be a fight between two tacticians Alex Ferguson and Pep Guardiol, with Ferguson being the master at this one. 

Saturday's final might not live upto it's expectation as one never sees free flowing football on big match occasions. Whatever the outcome it's going to be a grand spectacle with 100 million zombies like me glued to the idiot box. Perhaps it would be interesting gesture to wear that barcelona jersey and watch the match amongst manchester united's supporters in the "Man Utd" Cafe at lower parel. Any one game for this ?

Thoughts

I guess it's not a good omen for  my limited followers to start their 2011 with my rant, but unfortunately they have no choice. There is a lot i wish to write about the past 6 months, but have learnt that brevity pays in the long run. Listing down random events that have transpired in this period.

• November brough a sudden change to my career path, moved base to mumbai to begin my journey in the world of I-Banking. The move was not done in a hurry, but had put in lots of thought behind it, life had become too monotonous back in Delhi. The world out here seems to be more professional ,have learnt that it's important to put one's though clearly across the table. In short practiscing the art and nuances of deal making

• Thoroughly enjoyed my mid - week social get to gethers with my friends. But the joy may be short lived as the larger fraction would be moving out of Mumbai. I guess i can't hold them according to my wishes, everyone has a life of their own.

• 10 days spent in Hyderabad on the back drop of ICM (Maths conference) were amazing, had a chance to interact with some of the legends in the field of mathematics and computer science. In short the experience was overwhelming.  Planning to be in Seoul in 2014.

• Gave sort of my first talk sometime in september this year. Had a chance to visit calcutta after a long time. The city has not changed much, but i gotta chance to explore new townships on the outskirts of the city.

• Turning back to I Banking, have been living on the cloud :) since i had started out here. There's too much use of jargons out here but have realised that its important for you to sell. Have explored the intricacies of many sectors and there's lot to learn.

• Long hours at the office can have some side effects, bulging waistlines to start with a few. Have forgotten some important dates which i should never have. Perhaps ,i have to stop thinking what others would feel about that and move on with my life.

• Turning into more of a capitalist nowadays, thinking about profit, feasiblity blahaaa..... another side effect of the career shift

• I am realsing that's quite diffcult for me to make acquintances with new people, can be quite deterimental for my carrer. Have to improve this qaulity of mine.

 To sum it up, the changes happening over the past 2 months have been great. Hope I 'll be able to stick to the path i have taken.

Just before i end some maths gyaan on the first day of 2011. Realised 2011 is a prime number and amazingly it can be derived by  summing up 11 consecutive prime numbers ....  Some food for thought

A world cup too far...

So the party is about to begin in less than 24 hours, the greatest sporting event that takes place every 4 years is about to unravel. It truly is a world cup unlike the cricket one, where a handful nations are competitive enough. So what's different about this cup, brazil aren't the talented team they used to be. They seem more to be a well oiled machine rather than the flamboyant and brilliant team we all had recognised it to be in the past. Argentina is still an enigma..despite the forward lineup consisting of greats like messsi, tavez, higuain, tevez and milito..their temprament is a problem. Azzzurri have grown too old and england still suffer from the hype associated with EPL. Thus it would be like another cup except the "fact" that it's the first time that the dark continent is the host and what better place than south africa to host the cup.

World cup is expected to be different with the profound impact of the Vuvuzela on the players and visiting spectators. Some call it irritating, but then you have to accept it as part of the local culture. The success of the cup depends on the local population as much as it depends on spectators visiting from other countries. Unlike europe where there's equal participation among indiviiduals from different nations, the success of this cup depends upon the support of the local population.

Going by the response... the hype and enthusiasm seems to be missing. There could be many reasons for it...some find the tickets to be steeply priced or the mode of disbursement absurd where majority don't have access to credit cards and thus the online access to them. But aren't we missing the real fact... football traditionally game of blacks in south africa should have been welcomed with great enthusiasm which is missing. Flash back to 1996 when rugby a game considered to be of the elite population had such a profound impact on the population there. The country had recently come out of the apartheid when Nelson Mandela used the event to bring harmony among the black and white. He found it to be a instrument which could help overcome the racial divide among it's population. People were made part of the event, unlike the 2010 world cup where shanty's and local population have been forced to move out of their present locality for the cup.

One major factor which can be attributed to the difference between 1996 and 2010 is the leadership at the helm in South Africa. 1996 was when Mandela made an impact not only on the nation but a sporting event as a whole. His clean image and struggle to end years of discrimination had paid dividence and he used the rugby world cup to bring people close. Fast forward to 2010 when the man at the helm Jacob Zuma is the opposite of what mandela was, neither is he consdered honest nor his off the work news held him in the highest regards. He has failed to bring his population together for the cup. His appeal and charisma is pale when compared to madela. Sporting events are no showpieces, there influence on the population today and generations ahead can be profound if handled the right way. What's important is the after effect they leave behind on the people. Rugby world cup in 1996 helped remove the animosity among it's population. I am afraid too say this one would just pass as another sporting event leaving behind white elephants unless the local population is made part of the event.

Do we want africa to loose it's best chance to host a cup....which would have no impact... the question seems to worry me a lot...perhaps the start in another 24 hours could answer my worries....

Surreal.....

Rooh ka banjara re parinda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda todke
Re gharonda todke, gaya chhodke

Je naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de

Bemalang tera iktara

Not Connected...9920******

The decision came sooner than i had anticipated. The mobile companies just lost one subscriber...perhaps it does not matter to them when you have 600 million of them.

Designing and writing algos for them is different, still remember those my undergrad years when i was fascinated with the architecture of GSM...their data structures and how they manage to transfer calls from one Base Station to another...the security protocols and the encryption algos....

But the choice was rather personal..... have decided not to carry one for the foreseeable future...... hope to find more solace with my self.... hope i stick to it....

Deleted......

Today after much deliberation, i have finally deleted my facebook (suspended) , orkut and yahoo account (broke the final connection with my alma matter). These would remain cached as long as Google wants them, but some day they would disappear for good. I only have a google and a twitter account as of now.

Did some final weeding in my gmail...deleted my chat list, removed those fancy labels, filters are gone and i finally unsubscribed every damn magazine, newsletter and other event list. Pruned most of my cell contacts, created a backup of those silly photos and videos and archived them for good. The cell phone would be gone by sometime next week ( I am not ready for the 3G revolution!!!). I have a feeling that people would be better off without these distractions, as they were in the past.....and ya after backing up ....the blogger would also vanish....... and so would my footprint on the WWW.....

A Thought....

Today while returning back from work, i was thinking what lies ahead for me in the coming months. Either i can continue with the same routine or take a drastic step that can completely change my surroundings for the major chunk of my adulthood. Perhaps the decision involves many stakeholders, it's not always easy to only concentrate on yourselves, your desires and wishes... but feelings of others do matter.

I have always taken decisions which i felt were good for me..often shunning the criticism that i have faced about them. It's easy to take them while you are 18 something..but as you grow older decisions can have after effects which can be influential down the road. The though process has undergone a radical transformation over the past few days. The feeling to prove oneself has completely gone out of the window, because i have realized there are smarter asses than me all over the world and try as much, i can never be at par with them. So why not enjoy what you have got rather than go after something that's like chasing a mirage. Your core strength's determine your well being...some day i have to stop chasing goals. I know i am contradicting my self considering what i wrote in my last post, but the feeling to stop and enjoy my present state is stronger than it was ever before.

The eternal optimist in me is perhaps starting to betray me. It's part of the effort to change, that i am seriously contemplating to be more regular on my blog..I only wrote when i was frustrated, lonely and had to vent out my anger but one can easily express themselves on topics which have been always close to my heart but i never felt to talk about them. Writing helps me to put together my thoughts in a rational manner, be more articulate and perhaps improve my pathetic writing skills. It's not enough to be good at your own work, the power to express your self is important. In the past i have lost so many times with friends because i was not able to put down my problems in front of them. In the quest to achieve more and more i have failed to keep up with most of my old pals.

Conversations are important as they help you to put down your points, sitting alone can become frustrating after a while. They help you to discover parts of life that have been kept aside or lost in translation. The undiscovered or unprocessed side of your life can bring major surprises and shocks to oneself. It' no use of being timid and taking things as they come, one should be able to express his or her opinion about it. No one should take you for granted.

I have no idea where i started in this post or where i am going to end, perhaps it's the state of my mind. I agree the rant is still there though i have tried to suppress it... It's not easy doing that... perhaps things can and will change...

Magic and Reality....

It always has been the case that i put in my best efforts on things i love doing. Remarkably over the past eight months i have enjoyed each and every moment that i have spent at my workplace, having the privilege to interact with best of the brains that i have met. Though it's a different aspect that i never wanted be in this city as part of my assignment, mumbai still beckons me and hope i will be there one day.

Dreams are part of one's folklore, the struggles to achieve them and then aiming a tad higher. Perhaps I can never be satisfied in a state, transition is mandatory as in the case of automata theory :)... I dont have any hint regarding the decision with i have to take by April mid...but hell i am not worried about it at this juncture of life..because i have realised that i have never achieved my goals by thinking about them. I had the best time in my life when i stopped thinking about the outcomes of my decisions.

So whats fascinating about my work life, well i can go back to my home after work and read about child hood idols the poincare's, riemann's and abel's. Mathematics to me has been the essence of my survival over the most stormy passages that i have experienced. It took my concentration away from the troubles and problems that i had to face growing up. My parents are still worried about this wastage of my precious time, when i should be socializing and going out with my friends ...(i hardly have any in delhi)...In the hindsight this unnecessary reading about the great works have helped me to be more rational, and solve some of the toughest lemmas, conjectures and hypothesis in computer science. Theoretical CS is 99% maths to me. The magic of turning machines, P Space and PCP have always fascinated me, right from the time i had laid my hands on them.

As for the reality..... you can imagine that being lost in this world can have ramifications in other aspects of your life, perhaps none greater than expressing yourselves in front of others, socializing with them. Though i have never considered them to be that important but i have started to realize that its' essential for one to move out of his comfort zone and look at at the other side with open eyes. I have serious problems in speaking publicly in front of a bunch of people. I have tried to look into this aspect over the past few months but i always have a feeling that certain things are not necessary for your audience ...and a certain level of intelligence is expected...but perhaps the best speakers are the one that can take everyone along with them. It's very easy to speak in front of people whom you are comfortable with, but what counts is the first impression you leave on people that you don't know... It has always been easy for me to type pages and pages of what i wanted to express...but never had the confidence to express them in front of others... some thing or the other always ended my disastrous journey. Perhaps i am still overawed by the occasion.......

I guess being satisfied after reading and understanding roughly 200 pages of perelman's proof of poincare's conjecture it not that healthy..:)

rt

War and Peace

Today everyone woke up to the surprising news of Barack Obama winning the Nobel prize for peace. This news has stirred up a debate about his candidacy for the prize, with people questioning the basis or the deeds which led to him winning the prize. I must admit that i never dreamt in my wildest dreams that he would win the prize.

What has he done? none of his promises have bore any fruit till now be it the Israel palestine conflict or his promise to talk with Iran, his efforts to free the world of the nuclear weapons. Frankly speaking he has done nothing, he has only talked about it. The nobel committee feels that his efforts in bringing together leaders and reaching out to people in middle east and western asia is a start in the right direction. The lecture which he gave at the Cairo University was certainly a good start.

I support the viewpoints of the people opposed to his name for the coveted prize, but then we are forgetting a point that nobel peace prize is more about a political statement rather than a right person being nominated for it. Certainly there were better candidates this year be it the Zimbabwean leader Morgan Tsvangirai, but there is a message that the nobel committee wants to send out this year.

The message is clear, it wants to put pressure on US to stop taking the military option in solving conflicts. Bearing in mind the conflicts of Iraq and Afghanistan , it does not want to see Iran conflict taking the same shape. Obama being the commander in chief of the most powerful force in the world would think twice before using any military option. There has been a lot of expectation from Obama ever since he assumed the presidency of the united states. He has tried to mend relations with the world which were thwarted by the arrogant stance of George Bush , who was at war while he went to sleep.

Cynics would bash this choice for the nobel prize, his supporters would now think that he is the ultimate saviour of the world. But the expectation or the promises may never be fulfilled. So we all must tread cautiously, without expecting miracles. Today's decision perhaps reflects this sense of expectation, the optimism that Obama would make every thing right. Will he become the second man to walk on water, perhaps time will tell, but today's decision reflects the hopes of people all around the world. I am sure he is no "Mahatma" or "Martin Luther King", but its very easy to point fingers at others, without putting your feet in his shoes.

When he ran for Presidency, opponents said he was more of a celebrity with exceptional oratory skills, but he proved everyone wrong. Many would think today's decision is influenced by the power of the US, but then who says everything which happens is fair. Some how i have this feeling that people are wary of his success, his rise has been so meteoric that no one expected.
I can only say that we must respect the fact that he has done all this through his hard work, and in your journey of success you reach some heights which you have never dreamt, may be it is just one of these days!!!

Power Of Finger!!

I regret the fact the we all take this right for granted!!! ... when over half the population all over the world is ruled by dictators.Just wish that the remaining 47 who didn't vote some day stand up lighting candles and demand their rights.....

Bindaaaassss....

As the saying goes, whatever begins has to come to an end ...perhaps i am glad that today it has come to an end..the ordeal is over ... i have tried to live these two years with minimum fuss and complexity in my life ..where the soul goal was to focus on my dream of a grad school ...and i have pretty much achieved the same. This time has not been easy, i have sat in class rooms where the walls were like a prison. I have seen professors blabber stuff which is utter nonsense, people giving presentations where they expressed one sentence in 10 lines ... going round and round like a jalebi ...with little content and all gas ...and they bloody say that ..they are Einsteins deserving all the fame and moolaha....

I did try to be patient, but then there was always and adversary which always challenged my temper ,be it the unprofessional behavior shown in the classes , disrespecting your batch mates...and thinking that they are too cultured to be with someone ..i must say that modernity is not being hep .... going to pubs ...laughing at others ... just becoz ... they are not part of your culture ... the best way to answer them is to reach pedestals that they can never imagine to reach ... there's no way of doing right a wrong thing ....just becoz the rest of the class does it you follow it and vindicate the same... I know life is not fair , but then it's upto us to leave a level playing fiels and not to bask in the glory ...whose foundations have been shaky ......

I have realised that people have been judging others ,on a set of parameters which they think are best for them... but i am glad that people who have been considered outsiders have walked away with the highest laurels in the class, be it the best pay packets or the admits to the prestigious universities ...perhaps this might open their eyes and they would stop having negative opinion about them ...considering them weird .... dehaati... and what not .... please look at where you stand and then have opinions about the others. I have tried to be calm but as the adversary argument tries to challenge your solution to an algorithm .. i am driven on by the negative vibes that i get ... it challenges me to transcend horizons and leave them far behind ... never to look at them.

I would admit that i have made pretty good friends in these two years and will never forget ..perhaps it's bcoz of them that i have been able to live my time out here.. i am thankful to you all .... but i am pretty happy that it's all over and i would not interact with people ...who want to make it big in life by using whatever means .... they think is right ..


ALL THE BEST TO THEM ... but remember that you cannot reach horizons which demand true hardwork and diligence .....

Paint me Red!!

#FF0000... you all must be tearing apart your hair and wondering ..what the hell i have written .. well it's nothing but the RGB value of color red...( Geek @ his best)...Before coming to the conclusion that i have become insane,mad and what not i must tell you that i am all right ... my fascination with color red has nothing to do with the terror attack... but on the contrary it's to do with the rise of my favorite football club LIVERPOOL , "The Reds"..I mean watching them play this season is nothing short of a dream ..having beaten Manchester united and Chelsea in their own backyards..they have learnt to garner points away from home, perhaps this was the single biggest link that was missing in their title chase over the past few years .. way to go......

I know it's too early to call this season ...leading by just one point ..anything can happen but i salute their team spirit and passion ... if u wonder why i support a club which has under achieved in the past 10 years ... the answer is ,I like UNDERDOGS...why?? ...because i was the one in this elite club ...


I still remember the fascinating day of 25th may,2005 .. when despite all the odds they came back from 0-3 at the halftime to defeat AC Milan in Ataturk stadium in Istanbul.Perhaps it was fitting that the red city was host to this occasion and "The Reds" had finally arrived ... i did not sleep the whole night... god knows how i passed my engineering major the next day:)..but nothing ... even the fear of the exam could dampen my excitement on that night ... the passion with which they played that night can never be surpassed it was magical!!. The boyhood dream of Gerrard was finally fulfilled and no wonder he slept with the cup that day .......

This was the day .. that marked a turning point in my life ... yaa it's absolutely true ..you all must be wondering that i needed inspiration from them. Yes , at some point in your life .. when confidence level is the least, you need a kick on the back. Perhaps i am not that great that inner motivation can drive me .. so i need some thing to urge me on ...and the fact that it took me another 3 years to carve out my own path ...tells that i am an ordinary soul!!!... May be i don't like to reach my target the easy way ... arre there's no drama and adrenaline in this... i like to struggle, and given no chance by others, i like to emerge from the ashes like a phoenix (sorry for using your blog name)..

To me a NADAL is a better player than federer .. because for federer and tiger woods it's walk in the park ... they aren't the UNDERDOGS....On that night, it was the greatest come back by the UNDERDOGS..... and they won because they had the team spirit,passion and faith.. among the players.. which you can't buy ... they had a captain that perhaps is the beat midfielder in the world ...who doesn't run after money unlike the leagues of Christiano Rolando ....the guy can't even commit his allegiance to his club even after the start of the season......or the joker robinho who ruined his career .. bcoz a shaikh offered him a few dollars more in Manchester city .....You can get all the money ... but will you perform your duty with commitment and passion ?? this question seriously needs to be asked ...

To me it's the greatest team in the world ,i don't go by trophies and titles ... just the atmosphere at ANFIELD pumps up your adrenaline ...may be someday i'll be there to witness a match ... but by then they would have pulled down the stands and moved to STANLEY PARK ... but i can assure that the passion will be same ... the electric atmosphere and an inspirational captain ...they may or may not win EPL this year ... but the UNDERDOGS have arrived so has this UNDERDOG.........: )

Title ... zaroori hai kya??

After being accused of self-indulgence ... like i am Barack Obama... i now plan to move to the next level ... So something more about my self ( If u are contemplating on killing urself ... then do contact me).....

Chalo i will start with some numbers... numbers are all that i know ...if u ask me i can give probability for every damn event that can occur ... chalo time to list down some no's .... 249,13,99,10.2 ....and yaa they are in chronological order ..and you 'll be wondering how they are associated with me ... now here my ingenuinity comes to play... So i 'll map all these using a function ( bhai logon ... basic algebra hai ... thoda samajh lo !!)

F(249,13,99,10.2)= Yours Truly..... thoda filmy dialogue bhi ho jaaye ... considering the crappiest movies i have been priveledged to witness over the past few months ... film dialogue to mere khoon mei bas chuke hai !!

"Aaaj jo bhi mai hoon , in number ke wajaha se hi hoon "

Guyz... pls dont kill me for this bad and pathetic dialogue .... abhi naya naya aaya hoon is industry mei ....chalo numbers apart you would agree that you need these variables to prove your self in front of others. i would not go deep inside these numbers ... their reasons... ye kaam to google ka hai ..... mining ur data and interpreting your searches....

I have never believed that a human being can be quantified by numbers... bhaiya life is not statistics ... humans are defined by their intricacies,characterstics that you can never quantify .... so i think that these personality tests are as hollow as celina jaitley trying to act on stage...i have never felt that i needed to be @ point X in my life to prove that i have arrived home...or reached somewhere..If you seriously ask me i still don't know where i am heading in life .. if i reach point A then i earn to be at point B and this journey will continue. To me the journey is more important in life than being able to reach targets... perhaps i would not like to stagnate by being at Point Z( the final point) in my life ... i would like to move on and rediscover my self again and again .... i don't think that reading any thing is derogatory ...because you might never know when it would help you..........

I live and will die with philosphy .... "The most uncomfortable person in this world is a person who is not himself" isliye to i follow this .....again and again... I have learnt to listen myself by building a cocoon around my ears ...i don't give into the fashion treands ... perhaps that is why i wear the weirdest jeans that are too loose ... but what the hell i am comfortable doing that ... i don't drink ...(arre bhai log alcohol ki baat kar raha hoon)... inspite my friends gulping loads of beer,vodka,whiskey and what not ... i dont feel the drinking makes you cool... and so does playing heavy metal songs on my winamp...there are names thay you would better associate in a zooo ( Gorilla..... i am sorry bhaiyaji)....I would like to improve .... but not to please others ... perhaps that's why i am considered "ajeeb sa",uncool,and not happening .... because i have learnt to be myself....

Vaise i could go on and on .....but i know that suicide is not a good way to die :)....so i would shut up my mouth ... and signal to the readers that ur ordeal is over......and get back to my NUMBERS.......

PS: Just to inform that i 'll be in hyderabad from dec 12 to dec 14... so this is for those who don't have my contact ... would love to catch up with old pals!!! ... If u feel the need ... so plss fire mails if u want .......Nespaper advertisement khatam hui:)

I'm Back.................

So, the writers block seems to be over. It's not that i had nothing to write or i was short of ideas, perhaps i was enjoying being myself over the past month ... bearing the fruits of my labor which i had put in over the past one and a half year.I would not like to sound egoist but i think that i have achieved what was due for a long time....(something about this in my next post).


I think i would like to share some thing about me,it's perhaps the most difficult question that someone can answer .. the question that brings sweat on your face, makes you chew your lips ...grasping for breath ... thinking each word one would utter out ... now it's difficult to present a true picture of yourself in an interview ...because you want to crack it badly ..your life depends on it ... but perhaps i can reveal my true self in this blog ...bcoz i don't give a damn to what everyone thinks or interprets .. so keeping, the tradition of presenting this answers in a crisp and sweet way ... i am forced to use bullet points .....

• I have long ago discovered that i was born with two left feets, discs and party's are not for me ... i still wonder why ppl drag me to the dance floor .... i just wish they are a little smart!!!!
• Ya .. i discovered on this Wednesday night that i my conscious does not allow to party and booze ... when hundreds are massacred in your country ... i wish others had some sense .....and behave responsibly as citizens of this country.
• I don't like to be told what NOT to do.... this pushes me even further and i assure you that, i can cross any limit to prove you wrong ... If ppl have some doubt .... then i wish they were more practical ...in life.
• I am a self obsessed individual ...who does not care about the feelings of others ... i only care about my achievements, my goals and my targets.
• I forget b'days,anniversaries and rarely like to attend family functions.
• I rarely call my parents... talk to my sis once in a month ... and forget to wish my mom on her b'day last year ... suprisingly i did not forget this year, bcoz of the flak i got from my sister.
• I don't like to shower ppl with gifts and i expect the same in return....... this is unlike my sis ... who gifted a big teddy and flowers to my mother ..... kind of find it weird......
• I don't like to show off my self .... i believe more in action rather than thinking .....
  
• The phrase ,"May be if had done that" or "if only" does not exist in my dictionary.... those who believe that they are unlucky should ask themself whether they put in 100 % commitment .... You build your own luck...
  
• I don't expect to get attendance credit for classes that i don't attend ... proxies are not my cup of tea... everyone thinks that i am fool doing this ... but then i have principles and standards i have set for myself....
• I want to work for the best research labs...(i 'll be doing that)... want to study in the top institutes...y?? bcoz the kind of backing i have received from my father and mother .... I owe atleast this to them .... if they can give me the best of the facilities ,y can't i give back this to them ...( I have discovered this over the past one and a half year)
• I don't like to spend much of my time chatting on GTalk .... find it stupid ... if it's business then i have no problems ..... else the useless hate useless pinging......
• I stammer when it comes to public speaking .... i have no shame in admitting the same ... words are not my friend i suppose.....
• I love the challenge of giving competitive exams ... perhaps the number of exams i have written, can be published as a fat book of archive papers....
• I won't say that i haven't committed mistakes in life ... but then i have never pondered on them ... moving forward with more vigor and self belief......

I guess these are some of the points i can think at this moment ... perhaps ppl who know me can make addition to this list ... you are welcome.....

these are the lines a geek like me (entirely not on my own) wrote roughly two years back ....for .................... a

arsa hua woh milay nahi,
fir sapne mein aana ajab ho gaya
sapne mein aake zara muskura ke,
neende churaana gazab ho gaya na mulaakatein,
aur na hi koi baatein,
fir na jaane yeh kab ho gaya
na socha na samjha na janaa kabhi kuchh,
bus pataa chalaa ki dil kho gaya

Names....

Well i have been often criticized for not taking names in my blog.... my friends have always told me that how disappointed they were, when they knew that i was talking about them but did not directly point towards them. The only post in which i did take names was for the closest pals in my engineering college ... bharat,atin,raghav and sid .... and perhaps i would never forget them ... but then everyone says that you move on in life and meet new friends .... So here i am writing about the new pals and friends , i made in MUMBAI....... So here goes the addition in my honour list :) ... So that no one feels jealous .....i will introduce them in alpahbetical order.......

So when i landed up in mumbai ... i had no idea .. how would a delhi brat adjust to the hustle and bustle of this city .... i won't say it was easy but these people did made my stay somewhat easy....so here I go....

ABHI(bhaiyaji....) Somehow everyone will wonder about the nickname "bhaiyaji"... it's a long story which can't be explained for some obvious constraints.... and i thought that i would dedicate a whole post towards him..... phir socha ,,,kya itni importance deni chahiya?? ....:) ...well he claims that he knows the by lanes of bombay on back of his hands .....ya he surely knows the backlanes of the pubs in bandra ..... that's bombay for him ..... work hard and enjoy your time with booze.... i would not afraid to admit that he is perphaps the closest friend that i have in mumbai (...i can smelll others feeling jealous)....what i have learnt from him ... is to be positive ... take criticism and turn it around... be a STUD,behave like one .......and give a damn to what everyone thinks about you ....... thanks mate...

ANAND(Andy)... well he is the friend who told me to be realistic in life .....and i covered it in my post earlier... though i somehow don't agree with him on this point .....and he knows that... I would say that in the beginning i wasn't really close to him ... but as the time passed i understood him better :)..... i am confident ki "ye ladka life mei kuch karega"....... but that "kuch" to wo bhi nahi jaanta ...... and what have i admire his super oratory skills, a great personality and a mass female fan following...:) ... just one point that i would like him to make clear ....... why this sudden interest in visiting temple dailiy?... he's gonna kill me

PREETI(nickname ...loon na loon ........koi to bataye.....) ...i always thought from the beginning that she was some kind of weirdo ....(aaahhhh maar daalegi)... but the day i knew her my myths were shattered....what i admire about her is that she is forever smiling ...may be one day i will inculcate this aspect into my life .... though one illusion she has is that every guy is looking at her:).... though it's quite the opposite ...NSP (nain(eyes) sukh prapti) is her USP .......(ab to pakka khoon hone wala hai mera).... and she always tells me "ki mai ajeeb sa hoon" ..... and i would like to make it clear publically that i am different .... because i am not ordinary :)...isliye.......samjhi...... and she is the one who made me suffer on that shopping experience of her's.....( i would never forgive her)

SUMAN(could not think of ny nicknames....) To me he is a true IITian ...one who never compromises on the standards set in life ... he studies what he likes ... never bothered about the marks he gets ... some say he is STUBBORN but i don't think that diluting one's standards is the alternative to this .... U rock ....... but one caution to all da girls ... he is very apprehensive in offering lift to the girls .... except ??( your's guess is as good as mine:)).....

SURYA(suri...).... the most awesome quizzer that i have come across in my life ...I tell U DUDE he is brilliant....just looking at the way he blushes while talking to girls makes me wonder .... iska kya hoga :)..... he becomes to conscious in front of them ... chill DUDE ..... though we have linked him to every girl we could think of doing but he never minds that... itni sharafat acchi nahi hai .... you 've gotta be strong .... though we had some recent clashes but deep inside he is gem of a human being.....

SUBBU(mai baap) ..... Sitting alone in a corner ... you could never wonder ... that this silent asssain can be so lethal ...when he opens his mouth .... a brilliant orator .... and the most responsible individual that i have come across ... he is the living example ... of the qoute that responsibilty makes the best to come out of you ....(sorry yaad nahi aaa raha exact qoute) .... he is one of the very few individuals which i respect..professionaly ... some day i hope that i would be able to put forward my viewpoints like him and not stammer as i always do......

VIKAS(vicky....,jahapanaha.....aur bhi hai)..NO COMMENTS .... arre burra mann jayenge vicky sir agar sirf ye likh ke chor diya ... i haven't seen the sense of humour he posesses ... he can think on his feet and come ot with lines that would make you laugh and simultaneously make you kill him like the ones "kabhi BULANDSHAHAR india ke map mei bhi dekha hai ??"......I am sure that the day he finds deirection in his life he would do wonders.....

So these are the NAMES.... that will forever be with me ......where ever i am in life........

A Dream- Part II

Time to complete the story I had left….. though deep inside I know, hardly anyone is interested in reading it …..( going by the comments I received on my last post)….but still I want to tell my story …….

What after the alarm went bang on that day , I did wake up in 6 in da morning, not to attend my convocation… seriously I had no motivation in attending the ceremony at a place where i hated going …. Everyday ……where there was no respect for your talents…. A place where they taught you to build “dreams” in da air, without laying down the necessary foundation needed to build it …. To me you can never build dreams in thin air…. Perhaps I did not want to receive my degree from certain individuals ……

So where the hell I was on that day?? … I went to an institute …. the best the country has to offer in fulfilling my IM ( Intellectual Masturbation) on the paper which i had been writing …. To me this was productive … rather than catching 392 and spending an hour on da trip that took me no where …… Even if there was a 0.000000001 probability in me attending it ….. i made sure that the event never took place by not completing the stupid “NO DUES” form of my institute … I never told my parents about the event …. else they would have forced me to go there … I did receive the email ……but it pressed the DELETE button … I did not want my mom to applaud my degree … bcoz deep inside I knew that she never wanted me to come to this institute ….. so there was no point in making her put an artificial veil of happiness over her face ….bcoz I had let her down…. her dreams never crystallized…….

And to my friends …. I never felt that I would gain anything from attending it …. firstly my best friend wasn’t there and …. I felt that no one had ever understood me in those four years … my dreams and passions … to them perhaps I was some kind of weird … thing that had hit them out of the blue ……. Whatever … there was no point in going there and being “happy” in front of them…. My father always tells me that it’s best to avoid things that make you angry …. and out his thousand advices I followed this one …… I am sorry to my friends that I wasn’t able to meet them …. But I could not sacrifice myself for this occasion…. Convo’s are the events we look forward to in our lives …. But to me that day in January was just another day …….

PS: My Institute … I don’t know what forced them …. But they did deliver my degree to me next year as I signed the “NO DUES” form later …… though it did not really matter to me ….. it’s another piece of cardboard that lies in my drawer.

A Dream.......

You have cherished this moment since the day you entered the hallowed four walls of the institute. Slogging out the nights over a piece of code ... which fails to run because of some "Stack Overflow" error. Your life is hinged on it.... because you have gotta prove something.... but the bloody code refuses to run ... and you wonder what the hell..... the research paper annotates your discovery.. but oohh boy you need to implement it parctically ... to prove it to a panel of so called professors or "jokers" ...that you have discovered some thing new , a revolutionary idea ... though deep inside you know that no one will give a damn to your proposal.... they will sleep through the presentation and for formality say "good work"...... 

This apart .. their approval is critical to your dreams... which you have cherished over the years ... the dreams which started gaining shape the day you saw a "black box"... on which we depend a lot ....A COMPUTER... the fascination .. of how the hell this machine perform such calculations in a short span of time.... the discovery of your dream starts with revealing open every layer of this machine ... the processors , the registers and every piece of circuitary inside the black box... the madness extends further .... and you realise what this machine can compute and what it can't .. the so called theory of NP and complexity .... and then how the hell we are able to convert our so called "fourth generation language" the C ,C#,JAVA into bits of 0's and 1's.... but ohh boy the journey is fascinating ..... it transcends ... all the difficulties you face.........

And then the day comes... where sun is shining brightest ...on a chill january morning .. your day of reckoning... you are expected to get on the stage ... amids the round of applauses form your pals and parents which are sitting proudly .... the robe is  bit uncomfortable... but you hardly bother about this .....your name is called ... and their is a gulp in your throat ... the anxiety is killing you ... the sweat on dat .... january morning (is it possible???) ..you walk up to the stage ... with the hands shivering.... a piece of paper certifying your toil of four years is given to you ... you are anxious to get of it quickly... but then you realise whether... your moment of glory has been captured by the photographer or not ....you make it sure it very well happens... this photo will be shown to your children,grandchildren and so on....... you get off the stage... and realise that tears are rolling down your mom's eye ....... the moment sunks in.... the dream has been achieved or is it ??

But then suddenly the Alarm rings @ 6 in the morning ...............

(to be continued....)

Who needs a Title!!

This piece of intellectual masturbation (I will throw more light on it some another day!!) is a result of a discussion that I was having with my friend a few days back. Well what was it all about …. He pointed out that I am too optimistic and one should be realistic in life …. Well I used be that a few years back, but then I realised it’s no point doing things what all the junta does and i should be different from the league of ordinary gentlemen and women……

Thinking narrowly can some how take away the vigour and vitality in one’s life. I am not of the opinion that we should forget our past all together and start from block one. Past has taught me the blunders that I have committed (willingly), hey but I have learnt more than others than most of my peers who are hell frightened to take the route never traversed and perhaps they never will… bcoz it takes GUTS to take risks that most of them never shall … it’s easy sitting in corporate glass towers and living a “structured life”, than to follow your love and passion. Perhaps they shall one day realise that brushing their dreams under the carpet, will be painful and they should have never done the same … it may be too late then…..

This is the power of “trying” … because then you learn from your mistakes… I am candid in admitting that life’s no ALGORITHM (time for comp. science fundaas!!). you can’t devise the best piece of steps and code for your life … but life’s more of HEURISTICS and that’s the magic of it … we built one set of rules , then we fail and then we learn from the mistakes … do a little bit of tweaking and ….have a new set of rules …. these rules change depending upon the circumstances … having a rigid set of ALGORITMIC rules will never solve our purpose… and being a pessimist … will never help to a little bit of tweaking … coz one will be too afraid to try….. so think as wildly as possible, imagine some thing which isn’t feasible on paper because the greatest pleasure is in doing things that other say you can never do …. Prove to them that they were wrong …(perhaps they shall never discourage others in the future!!)…

Perhaps I may be boasting …then may be I am, but the point that I am putting forward is that unless you try, be optimist you will loose the battle even before you begun…. So it’s no harm thinking of the most weird and wild idea in one’s mind …than to just sit ideal and never take on your fears ….. thinking positive is half the battle won … So GO FOR IT!!