Xpressions

Movie....which side are you.....

2011-06-15T19:05:00.000+05:30

I would admit that leaving aside the hectic schedule and odd working hours, the saving grace about my current profession is that i get the opportunity to meet a lot of budding entrepreneurs. Though I don't have the resources to fund them but at least I am able to help them structure their proposition in front of Investors. In short create a compelling story, perhaps this is what Investment Bankers are paid for.

Having said that, I feel some times that being on the other side would be more exciting. Not talking about being an investor but rather being an entrepreneur. The kind of challenges these people face are fraction of what we can ever imagine. There I was meeting someone whose half the team comprising of 10 people was poached by a rival. It takes a lot of grit and determination to overcome this jolt and get back on your way, but this entrepreneur did it in 20 days flat and now he is up and running. This perhaps is an iota of difficulties that an entrepreneur faces.

They have to focus on each and every aspect of their business be it sales, strategy or doing number crunching. I am amazed how easily they get command over their financials in spite of having no professional education, perhaps you don't require that. Constructing Balance Sheets, Profit & Loss Statements is all about thinking in a structured and logical manner which they all are well accustomed to. Their day to day challenges teach them how to think quickly and re align their business with the changing environment.

Today perhaps represents the best opportunity for someone to start on his own, it has two pronged advantages one you are in control of your own destiny and secondly you provide employment to other set of Individuals, not forgetting the fact that you learn all the traits of life by doing this. People always talk of Savvy Investors but they are forgetting the fact that investors only come to being when we have spirited entrepreneurs who make it possible for them to invest. As one Fund Manager told me it's like watching the movie but to feel the pulse and adrenaline you have to be in the movie.

This sentiment / feeling is being reflected in today's environment where a lot of Fund Managers themselves are leaving to start their own ventures. They all say that people they have funded have made more money than their standard carry fee would ever make for them. Not all ventures are successful, out of the 5 we talk about 95 have already bitten the dust. But these 95 entrepreneurs never loose hope and always rise up to start a new one. We mortals being on the sidelines can only imagine the fun and excitement we are missing out.

In short, perhaps it's time to take the plunge and make life more exciting and lastly "Be in the Movie"........

Time for some action..............

The Final

2011-05-24T22:57:00.000+05:30

It's that time of the year again, when my mom thinks that my behavior is on the border of Insanity. No it's nothing to do with the hot weather, but it's the last week of May the time when close to 100 million passionate supporters spread across different time zones gather to watch the spectacle called Champions League Final.

Critics would still say that it's the league title in one's native country that would provide most satisfaction to a club's loyal support base, but there's something magical about this whole format that brings together the best teams across europe. Given that most of the world's top footballing talent is display in leagues across europe , it shouldn't be a surprise as to why it is a marquee competition.

Enough of the praise for the format / players, it's time to get back to business and time for some serious hardcore analysis ( this is what I bankers are paid for). So it's the re run of the 2009 final when Barcelona seemed to be the only team playing at san siro. If rumors are to be believed it was the after effect of guardiola's brilliant pre match strategy of showing a video based on gladiator theme to his players ( Gosh!! what can one expect in england). Barcelona thrashed manchester united that night, if i can remember they were not even able to string together a sequence of more than three passes in the mid field. But when you have magicians like Iniesta and Xavi controlling the midfield, I would not have given the hapless red devils an iota of chance.

This final would again be a contrast of two playing styles, the beautiful and free flowing football played by barcelona. As the saying goes practice makes one perfect, it shouldn't be a surprise that what is taught in their training academy is replicated on the playing field. Contrast this to manchester united's style of playing that demands that one wins at any cost. So their strategy revolves around stifling their opponents, closing down the flanks and attacking them on the counter attacks. ( Don't think they can beat barcelona at their own game). I am no expert to talk about players combinations (4-4-2, 4-5-1) but both teams are certainly spoilt for choices, when it comes to alternatives for each position on the ground. Still it would be Messi Vs Red Devils XI, considering how the argentine has become the pivot around which the whole team revolves around. One should never forget barcelona's great mid field but the magic of little man overshadow's them all.

Now coming back to saturday's match it's gonna be a great spectacle with most of the Wembley chokker block with english supporters. Perhaps it would be the best chance for manchester united to win this one, considering they are accustomed to these conditions. But my sentimental favorites would still be barcelona, they have promoted a brand of football over the past 3 years that makes you watch this game, how magically they are able to weave their web around the opponent and then literally walk the ball inside the goal.

One off final's do have there share of surprises as its the performance on that night which matters, frankly if barcelona were to play manchester united 15 times a year their record would be 14-1. That apart it would also be a fight between two tacticians Alex Ferguson and Pep Guardiol, with Ferguson being the master at this one.

Saturday's final might not live upto it's expectation as one never sees free flowing football on big match occasions. Whatever the outcome it's going to be a grand spectacle with 100 million zombies like me glued to the idiot box. Perhaps it would be interesting gesture to wear that barcelona jersey and watch the match amongst manchester united's supporters in the "Man Utd" Cafe at lower parel. Any one game for this ?

Thoughts

2011-01-01T14:27:00.001+05:30

I guess it's not a good omen for my limited followers to start their 2011 with my rant, but unfortunately they have no choice. There is a lot i wish to write about the past 6 months, but have learnt that brevity pays in the long run. Listing down random events that have transpired in this period.

November brough a sudden change to my career path, moved base to mumbai to begin my journey in the world of I-Banking. The move was not done in a hurry, but had put in lots of thought behind it, life had become too monotonous back in Delhi. The world out here seems to be more professional ,have learnt that it's important to put one's though clearly across the table. In short practiscing the art and nuances of deal making

Thoroughly enjoyed my mid - week social get to gethers with my friends. But the joy may be short lived as the larger fraction would be moving out of Mumbai. I guess i can't hold them according to my wishes, everyone has a life of their own.

10 days spent in Hyderabad on the back drop of ICM (Maths conference) were amazing, had a chance to interact with some of the legends in the field of mathematics and computer science. In short the experience was overwhelming. Planning to be in Seoul in 2014.

Gave sort of my first talk sometime in september this year. Had a chance to visit calcutta after a long time. The city has not changed much, but i gotta chance to explore new townships on the outskirts of the city.

Turning back to I Banking, have been living on the cloud :) since i had started out here. There's too much use of jargons out here but have realised that its important for you to sell. Have explored the intricacies of many sectors and there's lot to learn.

Long hours at the office can have some side effects, bulging waistlines to start with a few. Have forgotten some important dates which i should never have. Perhaps ,i have to stop thinking what others would feel about that and move on with my life.

Turning into more of a capitalist nowadays, thinking about profit, feasiblity blahaaa..... another side effect of the career shift

I am realsing that's quite diffcult for me to make acquintances with new people, can be quite deterimental for my carrer. Have to improve this qaulity of mine.

To sum it up, the changes happening over the past 2 months have been great. Hope I 'll be able to stick to the path i have taken.

Just before i end some maths gyaan on the first day of 2011. Realised 2011 is a prime number and amazingly it can be derived by summing up 11 consecutive prime numbers .... Some food for thought

A world cup too far...

2010-06-10T21:30:00.003+05:30

So the party is about to begin in less than 24 hours, the greatest sporting event that takes place every 4 years is about to unravel. It truly is a world cup unlike the cricket one, where a handful nations are competitive enough. So what's different about this cup, brazil aren't the talented team they used to be. They seem more to be a well oiled machine rather than the flamboyant and brilliant team we all had recognised it to be in the past. Argentina is still an enigma..despite the forward lineup consisting of greats like messsi, tavez, higuain, tevez and milito..their temprament is a problem. Azzzurri have grown too old and england still suffer from the hype associated with EPL. Thus it would be like another cup except the "fact" that it's the first time that the dark continent is the host and what better place than south africa to host the cup.

World cup is expected to be different with the profound impact of the Vuvuzela on the players and visiting spectators. Some call it irritating, but then you have to accept it as part of the local culture. The success of the cup depends on the local population as much as it depends on spectators visiting from other countries. Unlike europe where there's equal participation among indiviiduals from different nations, the success of this cup depends upon the support of the local population.

Going by the response... the hype and enthusiasm seems to be missing. There could be many reasons for it...some find the tickets to be steeply priced or the mode of disbursement absurd where majority don't have access to credit cards and thus the online access to them. But aren't we missing the real fact... football traditionally game of blacks in south africa should have been welcomed with great enthusiasm which is missing. Flash back to 1996 when rugby a game considered to be of the elite population had such a profound impact on the population there. The country had recently come out of the apartheid when Nelson Mandela used the event to bring harmony among the black and white. He found it to be a instrument which could help overcome the racial divide among it's population. People were made part of the event, unlike the 2010 world cup where shanty's and local population have been forced to move out of their present locality for the cup.

One major factor which can be attributed to the difference between 1996 and 2010 is the leadership at the helm in South Africa. 1996 was when Mandela made an impact not only on the nation but a sporting event as a whole. His clean image and struggle to end years of discrimination had paid dividence and he used the rugby world cup to bring people close. Fast forward to 2010 when the man at the helm Jacob Zuma is the opposite of what mandela was, neither is he consdered honest nor his off the work news held him in the highest regards. He has failed to bring his population together for the cup. His appeal and charisma is pale when compared to madela. Sporting events are no showpieces, there influence on the population today and generations ahead can be profound if handled the right way. What's important is the after effect they leave behind on the people. Rugby world cup in 1996 helped remove the animosity among it's population. I am afraid too say this one would just pass as another sporting event leaving behind white elephants unless the local population is made part of the event.

Do we want africa to loose it's best chance to host a cup....which would have no impact... the question seems to worry me a lot...perhaps the start in another 24 hours could answer my worries....

Surreal.....

2010-06-01T01:21:00.001+05:30

Rooh ka banjara re parinda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda
Chhad gaya dil ka re gharonda todke
Re gharonda todke, gaya chhodke

Je naina karun band band
Beh jaye boond boond
Tadpaye re, kyun sunaye geet malhar de

Bemalang tera iktara

Not Connected...9920******

2010-05-25T22:02:00.002+05:30

The decision came sooner than i had anticipated. The mobile companies just lost one subscriber...perhaps it does not matter to them when you have 600 million of them.

Designing and writing algos for them is different, still remember those my undergrad years when i was fascinated with the architecture of GSM...their data structures and how they manage to transfer calls from one Base Station to another...the security protocols and the encryption algos....

But the choice was rather personal..... have decided not to carry one for the foreseeable future...... hope to find more solace with my self.... hope i stick to it....

Deleted......

2010-05-22T22:29:00.005+05:30

Today after much deliberation, i have finally deleted my facebook (suspended) , orkut and yahoo account (broke the final connection with my alma matter). These would remain cached as long as Google wants them, but some day they would disappear for good. I only have a google and a twitter account as of now.

Did some final weeding in my gmail...deleted my chat list, removed those fancy labels, filters are gone and i finally unsubscribed every damn magazine, newsletter and other event list. Pruned most of my cell contacts, created a backup of those silly photos and videos and archived them for good. The cell phone would be gone by sometime next week ( I am not ready for the 3G revolution!!!). I have a feeling that people would be better off without these distractions, as they were in the past.....and ya after backing up ....the blogger would also vanish....... and so would my footprint on the WWW.....

A Thought....

2010-02-19T20:36:00.004+05:30

Today while returning back from work, i was thinking what lies ahead for me in the coming months. Either i can continue with the same routine or take a drastic step that can completely change my surroundings for the major chunk of my adulthood. Perhaps the decision involves many stakeholders, it's not always easy to only concentrate on yourselves, your desires and wishes... but feelings of others do matter.

I have always taken decisions which i felt were good for me..often shunning the criticism that i have faced about them. It's easy to take them while you are 18 something..but as you grow older decisions can have after effects which can be influential down the road. The though process has undergone a radical transformation over the past few days. The feeling to prove oneself has completely gone out of the window, because i have realized there are smarter asses than me all over the world and try as much, i can never be at par with them. So why not enjoy what you have got rather than go after something that's like chasing a mirage. Your core strength's determine your well being...some day i have to stop chasing goals. I know i am contradicting my self considering what i wrote in my last post, but the feeling to stop and enjoy my present state is stronger than it was ever before.

The eternal optimist in me is perhaps starting to betray me. It's part of the effort to change, that i am seriously contemplating to be more regular on my blog..I only wrote when i was frustrated, lonely and had to vent out my anger but one can easily express themselves on topics which have been always close to my heart but i never felt to talk about them. Writing helps me to put together my thoughts in a rational manner, be more articulate and perhaps improve my pathetic writing skills. It's not enough to be good at your own work, the power to express your self is important. In the past i have lost so many times with friends because i was not able to put down my problems in front of them. In the quest to achieve more and more i have failed to keep up with most of my old pals.

Conversations are important as they help you to put down your points, sitting alone can become frustrating after a while. They help you to discover parts of life that have been kept aside or lost in translation. The undiscovered or unprocessed side of your life can bring major surprises and shocks to oneself. It' no use of being timid and taking things as they come, one should be able to express his or her opinion about it. No one should take you for granted.

I have no idea where i started in this post or where i am going to end, perhaps it's the state of my mind. I agree the rant is still there though i have tried to suppress it... It's not easy doing that... perhaps things can and will change...

Magic and Reality....

2010-02-18T21:07:00.003+05:30

It always has been the case that i put in my best efforts on things i love doing. Remarkably over the past eight months i have enjoyed each and every moment that i have spent at my workplace, having the privilege to interact with best of the brains that i have met. Though it's a different aspect that i never wanted be in this city as part of my assignment, mumbai still beckons me and hope i will be there one day.

Dreams are part of one's folklore, the struggles to achieve them and then aiming a tad higher. Perhaps I can never be satisfied in a state, transition is mandatory as in the case of automata theory :)... I dont have any hint regarding the decision with i have to take by April mid...but hell i am not worried about it at this juncture of life..because i have realised that i have never achieved my goals by thinking about them. I had the best time in my life when i stopped thinking about the outcomes of my decisions.

So whats fascinating about my work life, well i can go back to my home after work and read about child hood idols the poincare's, riemann's and abel's. Mathematics to me has been the essence of my survival over the most stormy passages that i have experienced. It took my concentration away from the troubles and problems that i had to face growing up. My parents are still worried about this wastage of my precious time, when i should be socializing and going out with my friends ...(i hardly have any in delhi)...In the hindsight this unnecessary reading about the great works have helped me to be more rational, and solve some of the toughest lemmas, conjectures and hypothesis in computer science. Theoretical CS is 99% maths to me. The magic of turning machines, P Space and PCP have always fascinated me, right from the time i had laid my hands on them.

As for the reality..... you can imagine that being lost in this world can have ramifications in other aspects of your life, perhaps none greater than expressing yourselves in front of others, socializing with them. Though i have never considered them to be that important but i have started to realize that its' essential for one to move out of his comfort zone and look at at the other side with open eyes. I have serious problems in speaking publicly in front of a bunch of people. I have tried to look into this aspect over the past few months but i always have a feeling that certain things are not necessary for your audience ...and a certain level of intelligence is expected...but perhaps the best speakers are the one that can take everyone along with them. It's very easy to speak in front of people whom you are comfortable with, but what counts is the first impression you leave on people that you don't know... It has always been easy for me to type pages and pages of what i wanted to express...but never had the confidence to express them in front of others... some thing or the other always ended my disastrous journey. Perhaps i am still overawed by the occasion.......

I guess being satisfied after reading and understanding roughly 200 pages of perelman's proof of poincare's conjecture it not that healthy..:)

War and Peace

2009-10-09T23:49:00.003+05:30

Today everyone woke up to the surprising news of Barack Obama winning the Nobel prize for peace. This news has stirred up a debate about his candidacy for the prize, with people questioning the basis or the deeds which led to him winning the prize. I must admit that i never dreamt in my wildest dreams that he would win the prize.

What has he done? none of his promises have bore any fruit till now be it the Israel palestine conflict or his promise to talk with Iran, his efforts to free the world of the nuclear weapons. Frankly speaking he has done nothing, he has only talked about it. The nobel committee feels that his efforts in bringing together leaders and reaching out to people in middle east and western asia is a start in the right direction. The lecture which he gave at the Cairo University was certainly a good start.

I support the viewpoints of the people opposed to his name for the coveted prize, but then we are forgetting a point that nobel peace prize is more about a political statement rather than a right person being nominated for it. Certainly there were better candidates this year be it the Zimbabwean leader Morgan Tsvangirai, but there is a message that the nobel committee wants to send out this year.

The message is clear, it wants to put pressure on US to stop taking the military option in solving conflicts. Bearing in mind the conflicts of Iraq and Afghanistan , it does not want to see Iran conflict taking the same shape. Obama being the commander in chief of the most powerful force in the world would think twice before using any military option. There has been a lot of expectation from Obama ever since he assumed the presidency of the united states. He has tried to mend relations with the world which were thwarted by the arrogant stance of George Bush , who was at war while he went to sleep.

Cynics would bash this choice for the nobel prize, his supporters would now think that he is the ultimate saviour of the world. But the expectation or the promises may never be fulfilled. So we all must tread cautiously, without expecting miracles. Today's decision perhaps reflects this sense of expectation, the optimism that Obama would make every thing right. Will he become the second man to walk on water, perhaps time will tell, but today's decision reflects the hopes of people all around the world. I am sure he is no "Mahatma" or "Martin Luther King", but its very easy to point fingers at others, without putting your feet in his shoes.

When he ran for Presidency, opponents said he was more of a celebrity with exceptional oratory skills, but he proved everyone wrong. Many would think today's decision is influenced by the power of the US, but then who says everything which happens is fair. Some how i have this feeling that people are wary of his success, his rise has been so meteoric that no one expected.
I can only say that we must respect the fact that he has done all this through his hard work, and in your journey of success you reach some heights which you have never dreamt, may be it is just one of these days!!!

Power Of Finger!!

2009-05-07T18:54:00.005+05:30

I regret the fact the we all take this right for granted!!! ... when over half the population all over the world is ruled by dictators.Just wish that the remaining 47 who didn't vote some day stand up lighting candles and demand their rights.....

Bindaaaassss....

2009-03-12T22:16:00.003+05:30

As the saying goes, whatever begins has to come to an end ...perhaps i am glad that today it has come to an end..the ordeal is over ... i have tried to live these two years with minimum fuss and complexity in my life ..where the soul goal was to focus on my dream of a grad school ...and i have pretty much achieved the same. This time has not been easy, i have sat in class rooms where the walls were like a prison. I have seen professors blabber stuff which is utter nonsense, people giving presentations where they expressed one sentence in 10 lines ... going round and round like a jalebi ...with little content and all gas ...and they bloody say that ..they are Einsteins deserving all the fame and moolaha....

I did try to be patient, but then there was always and adversary which always challenged my temper ,be it the unprofessional behavior shown in the classes , disrespecting your batch mates...and thinking that they are too cultured to be with someone ..i must say that modernity is not being hep .... going to pubs ...laughing at others ... just becoz ... they are not part of your culture ... the best way to answer them is to reach pedestals that they can never imagine to reach ... there's no way of doing right a wrong thing ....just becoz the rest of the class does it you follow it and vindicate the same... I know life is not fair , but then it's upto us to leave a level playing fiels and not to bask in the glory ...whose foundations have been shaky ......

I have realised that people have been judging others ,on a set of parameters which they think are best for them... but i am glad that people who have been considered outsiders have walked away with the highest laurels in the class, be it the best pay packets or the admits to the prestigious universities ...perhaps this might open their eyes and they would stop having negative opinion about them ...considering them weird .... dehaati... and what not .... please look at where you stand and then have opinions about the others. I have tried to be calm but as the adversary argument tries to challenge your solution to an algorithm .. i am driven on by the negative vibes that i get ... it challenges me to transcend horizons and leave them far behind ... never to look at them.

I would admit that i have made pretty good friends in these two years and will never forget ..perhaps it's bcoz of them that i have been able to live my time out here.. i am thankful to you all .... but i am pretty happy that it's all over and i would not interact with people ...who want to make it big in life by using whatever means .... they think is right ..

ALL THE BEST TO THEM ... but remember that you cannot reach horizons which demand true hardwork and diligence .....

Paint me Red!!

2008-12-08T21:59:00.005+05:30

#FF0000... you all must be tearing apart your hair and wondering ..what the hell i have written .. well it's nothing but the RGB value of color red...( Geek @ his best)...Before coming to the conclusion that i have become insane,mad and what not i must tell you that i am all right ... my fascination with color red has nothing to do with the terror attack... but on the contrary it's to do with the rise of my favorite football club LIVERPOOL , "The Reds"..I mean watching them play this season is nothing short of a dream ..having beaten Manchester united and Chelsea in their own backyards..they have learnt to garner points away from home, perhaps this was the single biggest link that was missing in their title chase over the past few years .. way to go......

I know it's too early to call this season ...leading by just one point ..anything can happen but i salute their team spirit and passion ... if u wonder why i support a club which has under achieved in the past 10 years ... the answer is ,I like UNDERDOGS...why?? ...because i was the one in this elite club ...

I still remember the fascinating day of 25th may,2005 .. when despite all the odds they came back from 0-3 at the halftime to defeat AC Milan in Ataturk stadium in Istanbul.Perhaps it was fitting that the red city was host to this occasion and "The Reds" had finally arrived ... i did not sleep the whole night... god knows how i passed my engineering major the next day:)..but nothing ... even the fear of the exam could dampen my excitement on that night ... the passion with which they played that night can never be surpassed it was magical!!. The boyhood dream of Gerrard was finally fulfilled and no wonder he slept with the cup that day .......

This was the day .. that marked a turning point in my life ... yaa it's absolutely true ..you all must be wondering that i needed inspiration from them. Yes , at some point in your life .. when confidence level is the least, you need a kick on the back. Perhaps i am not that great that inner motivation can drive me .. so i need some thing to urge me on ...and the fact that it took me another 3 years to carve out my own path ...tells that i am an ordinary soul!!!... May be i don't like to reach my target the easy way ... arre there's no drama and adrenaline in this... i like to struggle, and given no chance by others, i like to emerge from the ashes like a phoenix (sorry for using your blog name)..

To me a NADAL is a better player than federer .. because for federer and tiger woods it's walk in the park ... they aren't the UNDERDOGS....On that night, it was the greatest come back by the UNDERDOGS..... and they won because they had the team spirit,passion and faith.. among the players.. which you can't buy ... they had a captain that perhaps is the beat midfielder in the world ...who doesn't run after money unlike the leagues of Christiano Rolando ....the guy can't even commit his allegiance to his club even after the start of the season......or the joker robinho who ruined his career .. bcoz a shaikh offered him a few dollars more in Manchester city .....You can get all the money ... but will you perform your duty with commitment and passion ?? this question seriously needs to be asked ...

To me it's the greatest team in the world ,i don't go by trophies and titles ... just the atmosphere at ANFIELD pumps up your adrenaline ...may be someday i'll be there to witness a match ... but by then they would have pulled down the stands and moved to STANLEY PARK ... but i can assure that the passion will be same ... the electric atmosphere and an inspirational captain ...they may or may not win EPL this year ... but the UNDERDOGS have arrived so has this UNDERDOG.........: )

Title ... zaroori hai kya??

2008-12-04T20:38:00.004+05:30

After being accused of self-indulgence ... like i am Barack Obama... i now plan to move to the next level ... So something more about my self ( If u are contemplating on killing urself ... then do contact me).....

Chalo i will start with some numbers... numbers are all that i know ...if u ask me i can give probability for every damn event that can occur ... chalo time to list down some no's .... 249,13,99,10.2 ....and yaa they are in chronological order ..and you 'll be wondering how they are associated with me ... now here my ingenuinity comes to play... So i 'll map all these using a function ( bhai logon ... basic algebra hai ... thoda samajh lo !!)

F(249,13,99,10.2)= Yours Truly..... thoda filmy dialogue bhi ho jaaye ... considering the crappiest movies i have been priveledged to witness over the past few months ... film dialogue to mere khoon mei bas chuke hai !!

"Aaaj jo bhi mai hoon , in number ke wajaha se hi hoon "

Guyz... pls dont kill me for this bad and pathetic dialogue .... abhi naya naya aaya hoon is industry mei ....chalo numbers apart you would agree that you need these variables to prove your self in front of others. i would not go deep inside these numbers ... their reasons... ye kaam to google ka hai ..... mining ur data and interpreting your searches....

I have never believed that a human being can be quantified by numbers... bhaiya life is not statistics ... humans are defined by their intricacies,characterstics that you can never quantify .... so i think that these personality tests are as hollow as celina jaitley trying to act on stage...i have never felt that i needed to be @ point X in my life to prove that i have arrived home...or reached somewhere..If you seriously ask me i still don't know where i am heading in life .. if i reach point A then i earn to be at point B and this journey will continue. To me the journey is more important in life than being able to reach targets... perhaps i would not like to stagnate by being at Point Z( the final point) in my life ... i would like to move on and rediscover my self again and again .... i don't think that reading any thing is derogatory ...because you might never know when it would help you..........

I live and will die with philosphy .... "The most uncomfortable person in this world is a person who is not himself" isliye to i follow this .....again and again... I have learnt to listen myself by building a cocoon around my ears ...i don't give into the fashion treands ... perhaps that is why i wear the weirdest jeans that are too loose ... but what the hell i am comfortable doing that ... i don't drink ...(arre bhai log alcohol ki baat kar raha hoon)... inspite my friends gulping loads of beer,vodka,whiskey and what not ... i dont feel the drinking makes you cool... and so does playing heavy metal songs on my winamp...there are names thay you would better associate in a zooo ( Gorilla..... i am sorry bhaiyaji)....I would like to improve .... but not to please others ... perhaps that's why i am considered "ajeeb sa",uncool,and not happening .... because i have learnt to be myself....

Vaise i could go on and on .....but i know that suicide is not a good way to die :)....so i would shut up my mouth ... and signal to the readers that ur ordeal is over......and get back to my NUMBERS.......

PS: Just to inform that i 'll be in hyderabad from dec 12 to dec 14... so this is for those who don't have my contact ... would love to catch up with old pals!!! ... If u feel the need ... so plss fire mails if u want .......Nespaper advertisement khatam hui:)

I'm Back.................

2008-11-29T20:20:00.003+05:30

So, the writers block seems to be over. It's not that i had nothing to write or i was short of ideas, perhaps i was enjoying being myself over the past month ... bearing the fruits of my labor which i had put in over the past one and a half year.I would not like to sound egoist but i think that i have achieved what was due for a long time....(something about this in my next post).

I think i would like to share some thing about me,it's perhaps the most difficult question that someone can answer .. the question that brings sweat on your face, makes you chew your lips ...grasping for breath ... thinking each word one would utter out ... now it's difficult to present a true picture of yourself in an interview ...because you want to crack it badly ..your life depends on it ... but perhaps i can reveal my true self in this blog ...bcoz i don't give a damn to what everyone thinks or interprets .. so keeping, the tradition of presenting this answers in a crisp and sweet way ... i am forced to use bullet points .....

I have long ago discovered that i was born with two left feets, discs and party's are not for me ... i still wonder why ppl drag me to the dance floor .... i just wish they are a little smart!!!!
Ya .. i discovered on this Wednesday night that i my conscious does not allow to party and booze ... when hundreds are massacred in your country ... i wish others had some sense .....and behave responsibly as citizens of this country.
I don't like to be told what NOT to do.... this pushes me even further and i assure you that, i can cross any limit to prove you wrong ... If ppl have some doubt .... then i wish they were more practical ...in life.
I am a self obsessed individual ...who does not care about the feelings of others ... i only care about my achievements, my goals and my targets.
I forget b'days,anniversaries and rarely like to attend family functions.
I rarely call my parents... talk to my sis once in a month ... and forget to wish my mom on her b'day last year ... suprisingly i did not forget this year, bcoz of the flak i got from my sister.
I don't like to shower ppl with gifts and i expect the same in return....... this is unlike my sis ... who gifted a big teddy and flowers to my mother ..... kind of find it weird......
I don't like to show off my self .... i believe more in action rather than thinking .....
The phrase ,"May be if had done that" or "if only" does not exist in my dictionary.... those who believe that they are unlucky should ask themself whether they put in 100 % commitment .... You build your own luck...
I don't expect to get attendance credit for classes that i don't attend ... proxies are not my cup of tea... everyone thinks that i am fool doing this ... but then i have principles and standards i have set for myself....
I want to work for the best research labs...(i 'll be doing that)... want to study in the top institutes...y?? bcoz the kind of backing i have received from my father and mother .... I owe atleast this to them .... if they can give me the best of the facilities ,y can't i give back this to them ...( I have discovered this over the past one and a half year)
I don't like to spend much of my time chatting on GTalk .... find it stupid ... if it's business then i have no problems ..... else the useless hate useless pinging......
I stammer when it comes to public speaking .... i have no shame in admitting the same ... words are not my friend i suppose.....
I love the challenge of giving competitive exams ... perhaps the number of exams i have written, can be published as a fat book of archive papers....
I won't say that i haven't committed mistakes in life ... but then i have never pondered on them ... moving forward with more vigor and self belief......

I guess these are some of the points i can think at this moment ... perhaps ppl who know me can make addition to this list ... you are welcome.....

2008-10-16T09:28:00.001+05:30

these are the lines a geek like me (entirely not on my own) wrote roughly two years back ....for .................... a

arsa hua woh milay nahi,
fir sapne mein aana ajab ho gaya
sapne mein aake zara muskura ke,
neende churaana gazab ho gaya na mulaakatein,
aur na hi koi baatein,
fir na jaane yeh kab ho gaya
na socha na samjha na janaa kabhi kuchh,
bus pataa chalaa ki dil kho gaya

Names....

2008-10-12T12:45:00.004+05:30

Well i have been often criticized for not taking names in my blog.... my friends have always told me that how disappointed they were, when they knew that i was talking about them but did not directly point towards them. The only post in which i did take names was for the closest pals in my engineering college ... bharat,atin,raghav and sid .... and perhaps i would never forget them ... but then everyone says that you move on in life and meet new friends .... So here i am writing about the new pals and friends , i made in MUMBAI....... So here goes the addition in my honour list :) ... So that no one feels jealous .....i will introduce them in alpahbetical order.......

So when i landed up in mumbai ... i had no idea .. how would a delhi brat adjust to the hustle and bustle of this city .... i won't say it was easy but these people did made my stay somewhat easy....so here I go....

ABHI(bhaiyaji....) Somehow everyone will wonder about the nickname "bhaiyaji"... it's a long story which can't be explained for some obvious constraints.... and i thought that i would dedicate a whole post towards him..... phir socha ,,,kya itni importance deni chahiya?? ....:) ...well he claims that he knows the by lanes of bombay on back of his hands .....ya he surely knows the backlanes of the pubs in bandra ..... that's bombay for him ..... work hard and enjoy your time with booze.... i would not afraid to admit that he is perphaps the closest friend that i have in mumbai (...i can smelll others feeling jealous)....what i have learnt from him ... is to be positive ... take criticism and turn it around... be a STUD,behave like one .......and give a damn to what everyone thinks about you ....... thanks mate...

ANAND(Andy)... well he is the friend who told me to be realistic in life .....and i covered it in my post earlier... though i somehow don't agree with him on this point .....and he knows that... I would say that in the beginning i wasn't really close to him ... but as the time passed i understood him better :)..... i am confident ki "ye ladka life mei kuch karega"....... but that "kuch" to wo bhi nahi jaanta ...... and what have i admire his super oratory skills, a great personality and a mass female fan following...:) ... just one point that i would like him to make clear ....... why this sudden interest in visiting temple dailiy?... he's gonna kill me

PREETI(nickname ...loon na loon ........koi to bataye.....) ...i always thought from the beginning that she was some kind of weirdo ....(aaahhhh maar daalegi)... but the day i knew her my myths were shattered....what i admire about her is that she is forever smiling ...may be one day i will inculcate this aspect into my life .... though one illusion she has is that every guy is looking at her:).... though it's quite the opposite ...NSP (nain(eyes) sukh prapti) is her USP .......(ab to pakka khoon hone wala hai mera).... and she always tells me "ki mai ajeeb sa hoon" ..... and i would like to make it clear publically that i am different .... because i am not ordinary :)...isliye.......samjhi...... and she is the one who made me suffer on that shopping experience of her's.....( i would never forgive her)

SUMAN(could not think of ny nicknames....) To me he is a true IITian ...one who never compromises on the standards set in life ... he studies what he likes ... never bothered about the marks he gets ... some say he is STUBBORN but i don't think that diluting one's standards is the alternative to this .... U rock ....... but one caution to all da girls ... he is very apprehensive in offering lift to the girls .... except ??( your's guess is as good as mine:)).....

SURYA(suri...).... the most awesome quizzer that i have come across in my life ...I tell U DUDE he is brilliant....just looking at the way he blushes while talking to girls makes me wonder .... iska kya hoga :)..... he becomes to conscious in front of them ... chill DUDE ..... though we have linked him to every girl we could think of doing but he never minds that... itni sharafat acchi nahi hai .... you 've gotta be strong .... though we had some recent clashes but deep inside he is gem of a human being.....

SUBBU(mai baap) ..... Sitting alone in a corner ... you could never wonder ... that this silent asssain can be so lethal ...when he opens his mouth .... a brilliant orator .... and the most responsible individual that i have come across ... he is the living example ... of the qoute that responsibilty makes the best to come out of you ....(sorry yaad nahi aaa raha exact qoute) .... he is one of the very few individuals which i respect..professionaly ... some day i hope that i would be able to put forward my viewpoints like him and not stammer as i always do......

VIKAS(vicky....,jahapanaha.....aur bhi hai)..NO COMMENTS .... arre burra mann jayenge vicky sir agar sirf ye likh ke chor diya ... i haven't seen the sense of humour he posesses ... he can think on his feet and come ot with lines that would make you laugh and simultaneously make you kill him like the ones "kabhi BULANDSHAHAR india ke map mei bhi dekha hai ??"......I am sure that the day he finds deirection in his life he would do wonders.....

So these are the NAMES.... that will forever be with me ......where ever i am in life........

A Dream- Part II

2008-09-25T16:01:00.003+05:30

Time to complete the story I had left….. though deep inside I know, hardly anyone is interested in reading it …..( going by the comments I received on my last post)….but still I want to tell my story …….

What after the alarm went bang on that day , I did wake up in 6 in da morning, not to attend my convocation… seriously I had no motivation in attending the ceremony at a place where i hated going …. Everyday ……where there was no respect for your talents…. A place where they taught you to build “dreams” in da air, without laying down the necessary foundation needed to build it …. To me you can never build dreams in thin air…. Perhaps I did not want to receive my degree from certain individuals ……

So where the hell I was on that day?? … I went to an institute …. the best the country has to offer in fulfilling my IM ( Intellectual Masturbation) on the paper which i had been writing …. To me this was productive … rather than catching 392 and spending an hour on da trip that took me no where …… Even if there was a 0.000000001 probability in me attending it ….. i made sure that the event never took place by not completing the stupid “NO DUES” form of my institute … I never told my parents about the event …. else they would have forced me to go there … I did receive the email ……but it pressed the DELETE button … I did not want my mom to applaud my degree … bcoz deep inside I knew that she never wanted me to come to this institute ….. so there was no point in making her put an artificial veil of happiness over her face ….bcoz I had let her down…. her dreams never crystallized…….

And to my friends …. I never felt that I would gain anything from attending it …. firstly my best friend wasn’t there and …. I felt that no one had ever understood me in those four years … my dreams and passions … to them perhaps I was some kind of weird … thing that had hit them out of the blue ……. Whatever … there was no point in going there and being “happy” in front of them…. My father always tells me that it’s best to avoid things that make you angry …. and out his thousand advices I followed this one …… I am sorry to my friends that I wasn’t able to meet them …. But I could not sacrifice myself for this occasion…. Convo’s are the events we look forward to in our lives …. But to me that day in January was just another day …….

PS: My Institute … I don’t know what forced them …. But they did deliver my degree to me next year as I signed the “NO DUES” form later …… though it did not really matter to me ….. it’s another piece of cardboard that lies in my drawer.

A Dream.......

2008-09-06T21:48:00.003+05:30

You have cherished this moment since the day you entered the hallowed four walls of the institute. Slogging out the nights over a piece of code ... which fails to run because of some "Stack Overflow" error. Your life is hinged on it.... because you have gotta prove something.... but the bloody code refuses to run ... and you wonder what the hell..... the research paper annotates your discovery.. but oohh boy you need to implement it parctically ... to prove it to a panel of so called professors or "jokers" ...that you have discovered some thing new , a revolutionary idea ... though deep inside you know that no one will give a damn to your proposal.... they will sleep through the presentation and for formality say "good work"......

This apart .. their approval is critical to your dreams... which you have cherished over the years ... the dreams which started gaining shape the day you saw a "black box"... on which we depend a lot ....A COMPUTER... the fascination .. of how the hell this machine perform such calculations in a short span of time.... the discovery of your dream starts with revealing open every layer of this machine ... the processors , the registers and every piece of circuitary inside the black box... the madness extends further .... and you realise what this machine can compute and what it can't .. the so called theory of NP and complexity .... and then how the hell we are able to convert our so called "fourth generation language" the C ,C#,JAVA into bits of 0's and 1's.... but ohh boy the journey is fascinating ..... it transcends ... all the difficulties you face.........

And then the day comes... where sun is shining brightest ...on a chill january morning .. your day of reckoning... you are expected to get on the stage ... amids the round of applauses form your pals and parents which are sitting proudly .... the robe is bit uncomfortable... but you hardly bother about this .....your name is called ... and their is a gulp in your throat ... the anxiety is killing you ... the sweat on dat .... january morning (is it possible???) ..you walk up to the stage ... with the hands shivering.... a piece of paper certifying your toil of four years is given to you ... you are anxious to get of it quickly... but then you realise whether... your moment of glory has been captured by the photographer or not ....you make it sure it very well happens... this photo will be shown to your children,grandchildren and so on....... you get off the stage... and realise that tears are rolling down your mom's eye ....... the moment sunks in.... the dream has been achieved or is it ??

But then suddenly the Alarm rings @ 6 in the morning ...............

(to be continued....)

Who needs a Title!!

2008-08-26T08:35:00.001+05:30

This piece of intellectual masturbation (I will throw more light on it some another day!!) is a result of a discussion that I was having with my friend a few days back. Well what was it all about …. He pointed out that I am too optimistic and one should be realistic in life …. Well I used be that a few years back, but then I realised it’s no point doing things what all the junta does and i should be different from the league of ordinary gentlemen and women……

Thinking narrowly can some how take away the vigour and vitality in one’s life. I am not of the opinion that we should forget our past all together and start from block one. Past has taught me the blunders that I have committed (willingly), hey but I have learnt more than others than most of my peers who are hell frightened to take the route never traversed and perhaps they never will… bcoz it takes GUTS to take risks that most of them never shall … it’s easy sitting in corporate glass towers and living a “structured life”, than to follow your love and passion. Perhaps they shall one day realise that brushing their dreams under the carpet, will be painful and they should have never done the same … it may be too late then…..

This is the power of “trying” … because then you learn from your mistakes… I am candid in admitting that life’s no ALGORITHM (time for comp. science fundaas!!). you can’t devise the best piece of steps and code for your life … but life’s more of HEURISTICS and that’s the magic of it … we built one set of rules , then we fail and then we learn from the mistakes … do a little bit of tweaking and ….have a new set of rules …. these rules change depending upon the circumstances … having a rigid set of ALGORITMIC rules will never solve our purpose… and being a pessimist … will never help to a little bit of tweaking … coz one will be too afraid to try….. so think as wildly as possible, imagine some thing which isn’t feasible on paper because the greatest pleasure is in doing things that other say you can never do …. Prove to them that they were wrong …(perhaps they shall never discourage others in the future!!)…

Perhaps I may be boasting …then may be I am, but the point that I am putting forward is that unless you try, be optimist you will loose the battle even before you begun…. So it’s no harm thinking of the most weird and wild idea in one’s mind …than to just sit ideal and never take on your fears ….. thinking positive is half the battle won … So GO FOR IT!!

complexity of anonymity

2008-07-29T09:01:00.004+05:30

i was working on a problem to reduce the complexity of anonymising structured data, to ensure the privacy of individuals and achieved a factor of O(n) an improvement over the previous best solution which promised a complexity of O(nlogn)....(for all the non-geeks ... i somehow promised to solve this problem in a shorter time...:))......

So you must all be wondering , why the hell i am boring you to death by telling this....well coz all of us at some stage in our life have try to suppress various "key attributes" of ours ... so that we can hide our past. We dont want others to let know ...about the events which took place in our lives...may be we all are scared ..of what ???..well we should ask ourselves , if hiding your problems and difficulties can solve them , then i don't think there would be any in this world , sadly it's not the case......

The mask which we wear keeps on changing ... in front of our parents,relatives and our friends...we always try to project a cool image of ours... the "james bond" type ... but when this mask is revealed ... we stand in front of them ... naked and not able to look straight into their eyes....so we ignore them ....but for how long ???...... we all wish that we are able to suppress some critical information of ours so that others don't know about us .... we wish that "anonymizing" oneself is as easy as the solution that i somehow have been able to arrive in theory of mining...

But life's no dataset or a corpora that than be tailored and clustered to our wishes, we can't bulit training sets that function according to our commands. Training sets normally put data in data into two "portions" left or right ... but the opinions of people and their thinking can't be binary .... its between o and 1 .... and not 0 and 1.... no matter how long one try to cover one self with the veil .... this veil will reval our true face..... so it's better we dont try all this crap in our life's ...coz emerging out it can take ages... we may try to present a happy face... but deep inside we know how this can slowly eat our happiness .... so it's better to be your true to one self.....

So anonmyzing our key attributes can suppress some of our characteristics... but we forget ...that combination of our other attributes .... the so called "quasi identifiers"...in the language of database can reveal the facts we have tried to hide .....it's like a cat and dog race... i may have promised to solve the theoretical problem in O(n) time.... but some day , others will reduce the complexity further .... bringing out ways where this anonymity can be "unmasked"... and then proposing another way to anonymizing ourselves... but in the end we all are running a race , where we know that we will eventually loose..... so live as u want ... to live ..... GTH everyone......

PS: i may have used some jargons ...which are used in computer science theory ... but i hope everyone gets the point....

A.L.O.N.E

2008-07-22T11:08:00.004+05:30

There comes a moment in one's life , one when realises that he has to fight his battle for survival alone. The friends on which i had counted on my past , either betrayed me because i could not match up to their "so called" high standards or they moved on in life. I know that this feeling has some thing to do deep inside my head , may be the neurons are exercising a lot , and they need some rest....or may be they have emerged out of the smoke screen which was built because of my own whim's and fancies..............

So why the hell do i need to be with someone ??..... i had always though that living alone and focusing on my career goal; would bring happiness to me ....though i took a longer path to achieve my aim ...but i can surely bet it was worth the effort .... but now a felling of loneliness has begun to bite me deep inside.... though i have i achieved success , but it has come at a cost ...a cost where i have no one to share my success with , may be i don't feel the need as i always thought the whole world was perhaps against me ...or may be it was the driving force , which i myself created to accelerate on towards my target (some physics fundaas.....).. .People say that happiness is inside you , but what the hell ... haven't been able to retrieve it...and i am sorry none of data mining stuff works here...

My "so called" friends say that i have changed , i have become more reclusive and introvert .. i hardly log into the stupid "gtalk" once in 20 days ... and that too talk to one of my closest friends (i know he would get a clue when i force him to read this .... ) .. well i dont feel the need to waste my time on this crappy messenger where people unnecessarily ping you ...why the hell do i need to answer them . I find more solace in reading "multivariate chebyshev inequality" than all this stuff.I realise that it's good to move on in life and forget your past .. but whenver i try to do it . it comes back haunting in my dreams .. people like should realise that everyone moves on in life , the realtionships you had developed also transcend up and down ( mostly it was down in my case)...but deep inside my head i should realise that may be it's for my good ....others have their own life and i should not impose myselves on them and i also expect that they do the same ... may be it's all in between the ears.... I need to realise that i am what i am and dont' expect to live the life of others .... as my friend tells ... "you should start enjoying life!!" ...... i would surely take his cue....

I know that i have written this post haphazardly without paying due to the single point i wanted to say .. may be its a reflection of my mind .... i think a lot, and to stop it.. and start doing things which take away my boredom.... i had bulit this feeling that one is happy with so many friends around talking with them ... hours and hours on phone ... but in the end you achieve nothing out of it ....... perhaps these few lines cover the jist that i have some how failed to put through this post....

In ode to the sweet sands of time,

I hear a promise made by a friend of mine:

Vast as may be the distances to gain,

She will turn back time to come meet me again.

Whiffs of this gale will revisit my memory,

But will carry with them a scathing accessory.

Yet when I take a fond trip down the memory lane,

I‘ll want to trace back my steps and come meet you again

But then you realize………………………

When you look around you, you are all A.L.O.N.E …………………………

Truly a Penalty!!!

2008-06-02T12:45:00.003+05:30

Penalties in football are the only way out to separate two teams,both of them having given their blood and soul for 120 minutes to win the coveted title.The drama and the agony associated with the shootout is what attract millions of viewers all around the world praying for their teams victory.For me the purpose of shootout is to seek out fools rather than heroes,the fools on whom the responsibility of the loss can be pinned,One can become a zero from a hero in fraction of second.

This is what happened in this years champions league final,when Mr chelsea,John Terry missed a spot kick which took away the champions league trophy from his hand..the kick which would always weigh down on his shoulders, till he redeems himself with the champions league title. Though he wasn't the only one who missed the penalty,but we will still remember him rather that ronaldo and anelka , because he was expected to be the torch bearer of chelses ,mr dependable and what not.....

The pain could be clearly seen in the eyes of a player .. who missed the trophy by a whisker..a player who cried when manchester united lifted the trophy...may be it was fitting on the 50th death anniversary of the busby babes, a team which promised so much for United..may be they were playing with them on that night at Moscow.The image which would always strike my mind would be of bobby charlton receiving the first winner medal(though he refused to wear it) on behalf of his team mates who left the world on a dreaded night at Munich....

Penalty shootouts are truth of life also, like in the game of football you get one opportunity to prove yourself , though it's more than fraction of a second(it may be 2-6 hrs). The opportunity which can make or break your dream. If you fail to realize this one moment, then life can haunt you till you res eruct it back ... which can be painful. The moment one realises that an opportunity is missed , he will stand in front of the world stripped of one's pretensions and conceit, it will leave you helpless and show the image that you hoped no one will ever notice.One is forced to stand Naked,bereft of ones self esteem and at the mercy of others...But still the life has to go on , so what happens next ??? One is thrown at a place forced by the whims of his dear ones to build his life again .. a place where one is least interested to go, feels like a big hole, that one is crawling to get out of it ...though others make it sure to pull you down..a place where one knows that he is smarter and more intelligent than his peers, but there aren't any opportunities to prove one's worth ... may be it's a penalty for not fulfilling your talent and expectations...But this world does provide with more motivation to get the hell out of here , so one works twice as hard... sacrificing all the pleasures in life...all the comforts ... to pursue his dreams....and how satisfying it is when the whole world realises your talents (though somewhat late)....and you shut many mouths in this process........

Life throws a PENALTY at you , which can be reversed for sure ... and i am sure Mr Chelsea would do the same....

It's been an Year .....

2008-05-24T15:37:00.001+05:30

Thought i would never write such senti (aadat par gayi hai ab to)posts, but then i am giving away my inhibitions or wiping away the smoke that i have built over the past one year , pretending that i am happy being alone and independent , being somewhat indifferent to the feelings of my family members and relatives ..(as if i was ever concerned ).

Circa , July 3rd 2007 .. it perhaps is the day which has changed my life forever and for my good. I was bit apparent coming here , coz i had never been away from my family for 23 long years of my existence on earth .... or technically 22 , coz i did stay away from them during the year before ... but i did return to them in 4-5 days ....A sense of vacuum or a feeling of emptiness did develop inside me , during my early days of stay here .... i always thought (and still think) that Delhi is far better that bombay anyday ......i don't damn care about the night life in this city coz i hardly have one ... but the twists and turns of lutyens and bakers lane can never be eclipsed by the scenic beauty of marine drive or the the so called crowd at the bandstand. Mumbai might make people happy , independent and wealthy ... but to me it's a strange city ... a city where no one has time for anyone ... a city where people go into church gate station like swarms of bees ... , some how i do feel that i never belong to this place and never will.

But , then mumbai is called the city where you can make your own destiny for nothing , be it the bollywood or the financial hub , millions have made their fortunes in the city ... and perhaps i am no different .. but then my fortunes have come in the field of academics .. so be it . Before coming here i took things for granted , a sense of complacency had set in me ... which prevented me in fulfilling my potential to the fullest .. but being here away from my parents and loved ones a sense of emptiness did strike me .. and the best thing to get out of it was to devote my self to my passion of ...... u all can guess by now ....bloody ......ALGORITHMS .....:) .

I did feel some kind of independence here .. away from the constant bantering of my parents and relatives ...as if every move of mine was being scrutinized to the fullest ....( those crappy associations which i had last talked about ...) , but coming here i felt free to do whatever i wanted to do... In my present day i have become less opinionated ... not caring about others ... and somewhat selfish ... always weighing in the pros and cons for better of my self.... This has moved me away from my parents .... though i was never that close... i have never told them about the difficulties that i am facing , always trying to get out of it myself 's ... I generally do discuss about topics related to my career with them ... but never have felt the need to go into more of the details.... some how think that a distance has remained that i have never tried to abridge... for some odd reason ..which i have never understood and may be i never will. I don't care much about the things going in my house .... having built a cocoon around me ... always end up fighting with my father ..on any issue .. may it be Indian Hockey (his passion) or if it concerns me ....My mom does understand me somewhat ..(being a psychologist does help :)) .. she can make out by my face ... my happiness and disappointments ... but she observes me ....most of the time without interfering in my stubborn opinions ....she knows i am opinionated, but i do look forward to that day when she comes to know about my blogs :) .... i hope she won't be shocked or horrified ...( God save me !!!).

My parents always complain that i don't end up calling them for 7-10 days .. somehow don't feel the need to talk to them ...to tell them everything in going in my life .... perhaps it's the reason they don't know me ... or my friends too well ....they do know about some of my literary abilities..but then i have never felt the need in revealing this side to them ... perhaps i don't want them to be worried about me .. that much ....coz may be i am not that worried about them ...In the last one year i have developed the confidence to handle and resolve most of my problems .. and i want them to be happy coz some how i do feel that i have taken them for granted ..(most of us do that) .. so it's better that i don't tell them my difficulties if i can't share with them their's.

Barring all this i do think that i have the best dad , the best mom and best sis that there can be in this world and i am thankful to them for bearing with an eccentric son like me. For long i have worried them with my sudden and strange whims , but they have gladly faced them all.The times when my friends were made their parents proud by taking their first job , i was busy searching for my destiny, i hadn't been easy if i hadn't got their support and encouragement. They deserve an applause !!! I will be grateful to them till i exist.......

Bonferroni's gyaan

2008-05-21T10:07:00.004+05:30

so Ladies and Gentlemen(if any) i am back with more of the "geek" gyaan ... that i somehow can associate with real life situations.... got this extraordinary ability to link theory with practicality of life ...(ya i know most of you would envy me !!)........

In short this is Bonferroni's so called principle............

if you look in more places for interesting patterns than your amount of data will support, you are bound to find crap....

so all the men will quite agree with this ... when they take their loved ones or so called their female "friends" .....( we all are tired of hearing the cliche statement , oohh.. we are just friends) .. out for shopping.Bonferroni's gyaan fits perfectly in this situation ... all the men have suffer the ordeal ... when the ladies ... just can't find enough of their passion for shopping , they go around and around mining for stuff ... that would even put the mining algorithm of used by Google to sleep ....zzzzzzzzz..., but then men can't even utter a single word in front of them ... though a volcano full of lava .. would be erupting in their minds for sure ... praying that the ordeal will get over soon,, promising to themselves that they would never come accompany in this shopping spree.... but all they can say in front of her is "anything for you ma'am" ..........

I also had the privilege of accompanying one of my friends to her shopping spree's on an eventful Sunday at phoenix lifestyle in mumbai .... though i was blessed with the fact that two of my good friends were also there .... nahi ..to i would have also joined the long list of martyrs ... who were blessed with such experiences of there .....thank god for that .... Now no words can describe the path or the journey we took ........on this auspicious day ..... even Dijkstra the designer of the shortest path .. problem would have pulled his hair out ... by looking at our adventures ,when hopping from one store to another ..... and surprisingly in the end ... she bought none of the stuff she was looking for ... surprising ???? ....Naaahaa....

Jokes apart .....(b'coz i am going to get a real bashing when i make her read this stuff) .... , Bonferroni's principle which i took up from web mining is applicable in our real life too.... , many of us would have felt at some stage in our life .. that we think too much . collect too much of information .. analyze it by using those crappy statistical tools and... in the end we infer our noble prize winning discovery ...which turns out to be crap...... . The best word the , the so called gyaan gurus have given is the "strategy"... writing realms of pages on how you can be successful , rich and powerful in this world... but if reading biographies of great people would have been the solution ... then all of us would be great and successful ... pity it's not the case ... So reading those crappy stuff for motivation .... is not the solution to your problems , coz what they did was to take risks ...which ultimately resulted in success for them .... they did not follow any so called blue ocean strategy ...... to reach their goals ... So the best thing is to clear all the clutter inside your brain ... without trying to look in for associations ....and patterns ....the best thing would be keep it straight and simple ..without much of the complications ...in life ( ya i am not that gyaan guru ... but can relate it from personal experiences.........).. the following lines from a song in Taare Zammen Par .. would sum up my thoughts.......

Tujh Mein Agar Pyaas Hai
Baarish Ka Ghar Bhi Pass Hai
O, Roke Tujhe Koi Kyon Bhala
Sang Sang Tere Aakash Hai

Ye meri kahani...........

2008-05-16T11:04:00.004+05:30

No, its not that i have reached the end of my life , having accomplished everything ...., but surely i am at a state in my journey where i can look back and dwell upon the past five or six years. The following piece of Pseudo code( can't think of another term!!) bundled with the Aerosmith number best captures my journey .........

do
{
Dream on..............
} until , your dream comes true;

Ya .... for all the geeks would say that it's not the exact syntax of the do-while construct, but i am not trying to make readers learn any programming language. And for all the morons and non-geeks who don't understand even a bit .... it's a vicious loop that you have to enter irrespective of whether one wants or not .... The best escape route could be to surpass this loop and continue this journey of yours. But i did enter this loop ... at a very early stage of my life ... ever since i was able to spell my name .... though the "dream" always kept on changing.

In the early stage ... the dream was about getting good numbers in class ... to finish in the top three in the school ....which i somehow managed by FLUKE!. Then the dream reached higher orders of madness , to graduate from the best engineering college in the country .... that failed at the last hurdle .... but this failure spurred me on to think even more ...... transcending all the limits that one could do..... I started living it through the web pages of people i used to be fascinated with ...... their accomplishments of having published some 30 odd research papers on my favorite topic ALGORITHMS and OPTIMIZATION. The proofs, lemmas and the results fascinated me ...or you could say inspired me to dream on..... further and further ..... , some how felt if two scholars could revolutionize the way we search for information on the internet ... then given iota of a chance .. i could also replicate a fraction of their work.......

This fascination ... did urge me on towards studying papers and courses .. which were never supposed to be part of my UG curriculum , in the hindsight it proved out to be a good move .. whose benefits i am able to reap now....... I can boast , that i am a pretty good analyser of such stuff now.... But some how feel that i should have used these abilities in my practical life too. Problems could have been tackled with the same analysis as any theoretical design problem....perhaps the approach was not right ... In order to solve my problems , i used the easy approach of GREEDY ALGORITHM ANALYSIS , though the intention was to produce the result easily ...... the complexity in the worst case was high .... which always marred my progress further .... or in a layman's language ... the journey from point A to B ..... was not carried in a shortest distance possible .. i always somehow managed to route my journey via point C, ( Some how the fundas ... of displacement ..had stuck to me for long.. :) ..).

The best approach would have been to use a DIVIDE and CONQUER approach ... to divide my problems and conquer my fears... though these approach required many resources ... coz a recursive costs add to your solutions..... but the resources in this case were more time and effort .. which i could have managed... if i look back now....... Enough of this looking back business .... coz time cant really come back ... so after a really sorry and sad post ... which i had written some time back ... and got lots of choice words ... from a dear one .... i decided to look somehow positive in life .... NO the dreaming did not stop .... but the dream went to the background .... and the small aspects of life were PAGED into the .....my RAM (limited though) ...... these were always kept in the back store ... and never did i transfer them to the faster memory (RAM). Perhaps studying OS(operating systems) ...... was also useful :).... hough i wished i had followed this approach a little earlier ..... So after following this approach ...... i did start to enjoy the small aspects which i had somehow forgotten ..... the results were good ... may be my memory was refreshed after flushing out the PAGES .... which had stuck in it for ever................

So finally the dream .... is getting a picture of some sort ......surely i would be able to fulfill it in the coming months ......... just praying for it.........

PS: this one's for the numerologists and the astrologers..... , who the hell says 13 and 99 are unlucky ...?? remember it's us who make the numbers ..... numbers don't make us .........

For Akbar's Sake ,Please...............

2008-02-27T08:09:00.005+05:30

So after an eventful sunday , on which i wasted the whole day on a doomed movie , did not have the courage and the will to write a review on JODHA AKBAR. Feeling priveleged that SAURAV has decided to contribute to my blog , by pening down the ordeal we all suffered on a fateful sunday. So here goes the review.................. thanks to Saurav once again

I couldn’t recall last where I had been let down so much. All the hype and hoopla surrounding Jodhaa Akbar had fizzed out in a 3:30 hrs ordeal.
Wondering what Mr. Gowariker could have done differently, I was in a fix!!
Hrithik hadn’t let us down yet again. He is one of those guys who will give up his 100% , no matter how substandard the script is, remember the string of flops that followed Kaho na pyaar , there wasn’t one film where the boy faltered.
Ash was her usual self ..’’All handwriting and no content”( Mahesh Bhatt in one of the umpteen interviews on television). Although, I guess we appreciate her that way. But age/marriage seems to have taken a toll on her,
boys- figure it thats out that for yourself!!
There wasn’t any problem with Ashutosh’s direction either.
Well quite clearly there wasn’t enough meat in the story.
A poor script!! Mr Gowariker had never faltered in this area of film making before.
To put the record straight,
But for the grandeur and scale , it would have been a soap opera running for at least
1000 eposides.
Hey did Ekta Kapoor pounce on that idea!!
A grumpy mother in law played by a hapless Ila Arun, well we never knew she could act also!!
A marriage of compromise and subsequent saas – bahu “nok-jhoks”.
Remember that salubrious meal, it already had few lips reaching out for it,
Anand and Vikas suddenly had their stomachs doing a “Ding a Dong…”
The director started with a noble cause but somewhere he seemed to have lost the track. The war scenes were presented with panache, but hey hold on!! There was hardly any fact to the story…
What is the fuss that these Rajputs are trying to create when there was hardly any fact or to put it simply…
It was fiction all the way with doses of History interspersed here and there!!
The producers seemed to have cashed on the name of Akbar…Well its paying dividend too!!…The movie is running to nearly packed horses all over the country.
Ever thought where to spend your dad’s 80 bucks in case u plan for this movie ..
I have a few suggestions for u..
To start with .. A laconic bargain with one of the college side vendors for a high octane Novel , and I would have my food and fodder for the next few days.
A HOT Cappuccino with Miss Wadhwa ( subject to permission from her bhaiya!!)..Stop dreaming, u idiot!!
Yeah, how do I miss out on those humorous anecdotes by Vikas, perhaps the only saving grace of the film.
DISCLAIMER: Those jokes were purely Non-Veg!!

IPL:The great indian circus

2008-02-23T10:23:00.003+05:30

so ...20th feb was a historic day for indian cricket , when the corporate honchos splurged cash as if liquor was flowing all around the HILTON towers in mumbai (may be vijay mallaya's presence had some influence).At the end of the 10 hour CIRCUS (yes ,it was this only) ....and after spending 160 crores ... the likes of preity zinta , shahrukh khan ....justified there new found love for the game of CRICKET......(preity even remembered the 76 runs yuvi had scored on feb 19 )......:)...Now they may all be banking on the euphoria of india's 20-20 world cup win last September....but seriously ,there seems to be no logic on the kind of cash they have spent.

First the concept of IPL is somewhat flawed, they are banking on the city loyalty of supporters to help promote the league.Let's assume it may come true , though its highly unlikely .....i would never support brett lee knocking the stumps out , when sachin tendulkar is batting , no matter if lee is in my team ....but lets accept some morons ....passionately follow their cities , then would the live telecast attract only the city loyalists ?? ...This question seems to have no answers ... it's like a double edge sword to me .........

Second .... the way players were auctioned ... it was as if some commodity auction was going on at the chrsitie's or the sothebey's ...how can one treat players like that....they have some preferences ... on their price , for which city they want to play for ...but lalit modi's dream baby seemed to forget all these aspects and only concentrated on the moolahaaa.......

Third , some of the selections made mere even mind bobbling .....ricky ponting getting less than the one match (some 10 ball wonder ) manoj tiwari......, what was the rational for such selections ..if they went for marketing .....then it would have been better for the franchisees to select film stars instead of cricketers....They would amassed more money for them......because cricketing skills were not the criteria for selection..........There are some more issues which make it's viability somewhat circumspect... what if they never get a clear window for the IPL , then it would become a domestic 20-20 championship of local indian players. without international stars , you won't be able to find 80 odd domestic cricketers of the level and quality desired to attract the crowds..............

They want to follow the EPL model , but they seem to have forgotten that teams in EPL play all around , IPL will just last for 50 odd days ........football world cup comes in four years ...where as the nine test playing nations have a regular playing schedule all around the year...so the notion of associating players and fans with the city is highly unlikely....and the last point of contention is the format 20-20 ..it's like pyjama cricket to me ...with all hype and little substance.. it cannot produce the drama that sydney test produced....the verbal banter between the players ... three wickets in an over by michael clarke .......so spectators who seriously follow cricket ...and appreciate its quality would never accept this format........

BCCI and corporate world seems to be riding around 1.7 billion dollars on the back of the , fluke win in the 20-20 world cup final...all the best to them....but i see little light at the end of the TUNNEL.

L.I.F.E.

2007-10-24T10:40:00.000+05:30

what's life all about , sitting today some random thoughts are coming into my mind ...what was expected from me , whether i have delivered to my potential , perhaps i have not .....so who is responsible for it ...it's only me and not someone else i would like to blame .....it's all ready three sentences and i still have no idea as to why i am writing all this crap .... to whom is it directed or whether i am venting my frustrations out by penning this ...by now everyone of you must have made it out that there is something wrong...yes surely something is ...

What started as a one off incidence has marred my life for all the years that i have started to dream about the better days that will lie ahead for me ,perhaps they will never materialize unless i start working for it .., I always tried to break the conventional mold surrounding me , never wanted to do what my peers have done , failed most of the times , perhaps each time ,even after reaching the target .some sort of extraordinary circumstances have denied me the moment where i could have basked in the glory ...but none of the others are responsible for it , it's me who is responsible for my happenings , i do take full responsibility for it.

I dreamt of being something in life (now i cannot even define this word "something")...as perplexed i am today , where there seems no light , in the open world leave aside the end of the tunnel ....i did kept running after things in life which i never achieved ...but then , what i was doing never gave me the challenge to put in all my efforts .I would not like to cram up things and then vomit them in exams ..always wanted to test my abilities to the fullest extent ...how far can i reach ...though all these resulted in failures at every stage of my life ,but i always tried to rise from them .., prove my detractors wrong even my parents were part of it ..in all these years i have realised that it's best to walk alone in life ..because no one cares where the damn you are in life ....there are other better things in life for them .I am happy that at least i played my game , never shied away from the obstacles that have marred me .

We all like to live in the safe harbor ,but then a ship never rests permanently in it ,because it is meant to sail ,bring in the revenues ,no one admires it standing still in the water ,all the beautiful canvases drawn show it sailing against the backdrop of the pale blue water. If one is happy with a routine life, the same conversations, the same kind of routine work then I have no judgments on that kind of life, all the best to you, but I haven’t met someone who’s happy living that kind of life. If you keep doing what you have been doing all your life you will keep getting what you have been getting all your life. Yet most people live their life that way, stuck in the cocoon of comfort ness and complacency. True joy only comes when you put your blood and sweat in the game and take chances, you will start to experience more failure, but the chances of success also rise, as the saying goes “Insanity is doing the same things but expecting different results”.The only failure is the failure to try, to dream and dare .The real risk is in living the risk less life, because down the life you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do rather than the things you did.

Perhaps the next 2-3 months are the most important for my life .. it's like make or break ..if i don't succeed then may be i will be lost somewhere ...never to rise again .. i shall try to fulfill my potential ,hope this time i am true to myself.

THE CHAMPS ,YES I CAN SAY THAT NOW

2007-09-29T10:45:00.000+05:30

So finally i am back after a long sabbatical to update my blog , perhaps i did not get the time to write anything new or may be the good old writer's block had cast a spell over me ...whatever the reason ,i hope none of you would have missed my posts ....on the contrary my friends were happy that they did not have to waste their time reading ( i literally forced them to do so) and comment on my blog......

The time could not have been right to post this one ,YES we are world champions after 24 years be it 20-20 it does not matter now ...we all are all happy and proud to say that we have won the world cup .This victory is important in two aspects ,firstly the aura of the 83 winning team will diminish a bit , i have been tired to see the being interviewed before every world cup ...news channels ran after them because they were the only heroes we could recognize ( the last hockey world cup we won back was in 1975....) ,and secondly the importance of the holy trinity of the indian team would also be paid less attention ....what i say in this world cup was unprecedented ,the 6 sixes of yuvraj after the confrontation with freddie flintoff ,the fire with which they fought with aussies ,giving them back the mouthful which we have been getting from all over the years was fantastic to watch ...never even in the wildest dream i could have thought this.

Coming back to the victory we must have realised by now that it's a team game .perhaps now our obsession with numbers and centuries will die and we would all think that it does not matter whether a tendulkar or a ganguly hits a ton .....i would be happy if sachin scores 90's and we win, beacuse winning in not everything it's the only thing ....and mr vengsarkar would also take back his words of saying that we do not have enough talent , how can we find talent when we just give few opportunities to the new players?? , and this has proved none is above the game we can still continue and win without sachin ,dravid and ganguly....perhaps our nation is desperate with sticking to it's old heroes ...why does australia pay less importance to them because they find new heroes every year who win ,unless and until we can back our passion of cricket with results we will never find new heroes.

Looking ahead this victory does signal to the holy trinity to hang up their boots atleast in the 50 over game and give chance to youngsters ....the difference in level of fielding in england and south africa was colossal ....and we dont need to be carried away so much with this win ....i would not like to wait another 24 years for a victorious moment now .....the 20-20 game doesn't test teh temperament of a batsman which a test match would , so we have still a long way to blood youngsters in test cricket....but for now the nation is rejoicing........CHAK DE INDIA!!!!

TAGGED .....Finallly i am............

2007-06-27T18:51:00.000+05:30

so after one year of my blogging experience , and wondering what this business of tagging is all about and what's the obsession and madness about it .Here i am finallly taggeD by Akanksha ,well she had the patience to search for the meaning of my name so i am privileged :) ....thanks a lot to her .......and now the tagging part i have to write 8 facts about me as part of the deal ..it's easy after having faced a some IIM interviews describing your strengths and weakness which they have no interest in listening and this is a good opportunity to brag about my self tooooo.

so let's begin

1.So starting with the bad points which i have lots of ......the first one is that i am a bit stubborn ....sorry bit is not the right word actually it's "overly" just ask my parents and friends you will hear wonderful stories about it.......lets not get into the details

2.I haven't told this to anybody but i have this obsession of letting people know that i am into blogging ,that's why i give the link to my blog on my gtalk status 24 hrs a day ,in hope that someone will comment on my stuff or the crap i write :) ,my friends tell me to stop cribbing about the JEE in my blog ...but emotions do come out....

3. Turning to be quite a music freak these days .downloading all the new songs whatever....discovering new artists and learned to play the guitar one thing which i always wanted to do in my life ........by now all of you have guessed that i am completely velllla now a days ......but i am loving my time

4.This i have already mentioned in my blog earlier .....that i am in love but the feeling just seems to get better with each passing day , ya i am nuts about her no prizes for guessing ,though also enjoying my time away from her ,this separation period has taught me a lot..

5.Kind of worried for my best friend these days , who is passing through a rough phase in life ..but i pray he will emerge stronger and more refined after this and i am always with himmm no matter what ......

6.I try to attract bloggers on my blog , by visiting daily to at least 10 blogs ,so that more bloggers add me to their blog rolls and i am accepted in this community ......ya its height of being desperate par i am like that only

7.Trying to make more female friends these days ,really missed the fun in the past for years buried under my books , when i tell my friends about this girl i met an all they seriously think i am going maaaad and bezzerk...and they are a bit apprehensive about my commitment .....heheh but i am lovin it........

8.Sorry i forgot to mention that inspite of all the things that have distracted me ..i do manage to study a bit actually love reading those research papers .....they are kind of a wake up tonic for me ,though most find them borring .......

So the 8 facts are over now the toughest part ,searching for 8 new bloggers that i have to tag ......i know only a few and most of them are tagged ...well you all by now have guessed that my blog is not at all popular.....still my 8 bloggers are ishavasyam,NEFTY,Standbymind,Priysha,Sharad ,Sanchit ,Arvind and Blaaaha queen ....you all need to write 8 facts about you and tag 8 more bloggers to it ...so kep the chain running and happy tagging to you all

My Namesake ...i am still searching

2007-06-24T16:21:00.000+05:30

I was recently going through the paperback edition of "The Namesake", i had picked up at the airport ,though i never had the privilege to watch the film but perhaps the cover of the book ,depicting the photographs of the two main lead artists drew my attention towards it or you could say i was curious to read the story which the film critics had adorned in the film reviews of the leading Saturday dailies ,and now after finishing the whole book in a single day i think i had not wasted those 300 odd bucks of mine .

Somewhere i also feel connected to the central character "GOGOL" in the book ,though his father named him after nikolai gogol the russian author in a haste to get him released from the hospital ,i was registered under a name "daman" in my school records because my parents could not think of name starting with a letter "P" for four years after i was born and in a haste they stuck to my "good name" ,the name by which i am recognized today ,that's my identity ,i still wonder what would have been the feeling if i had a name starting with a "P" ,but perhaps unlike "GOGOL" it's the name i always wanted ,i made me feel different from my relatives who all had such big sikh names like my father's ,my mothers and my sister's.I felt i was unique.

I don't remember how old i was maybe in standard third... or fourth when a school teacher asked me the meaning of my name ,and frankly i had to answer to it ,my school mates out of sheer curiosity at that age wondered if i was named after the place "Daman & Diu" , and i went on great lengths to explain this was not the case .when i en quired about the origins of my names from my parents they said ,they gave me this good name because my cousin sibling ,three months older then me was named "aman", i felt as i was not important to them ,and they simply decided to give this name without even giving a thought over it .you could all understand the name aman is quite good it has a reason behind it ,it means one who brings peace and calmness but what does daman mean no one had a clue about it ,later i read in my hindi classes the sentence "gandhiji ne angrezzi samaaan ka daman kiya" means he wanted to boycott english goods ,then i wondered whom am i supposed to boycott ??? ,I cried that day and desperately wanted to change my name for once and final . My mom after a bit of fight wrote application to the principal that i wanted to change my name ,my father did make an affidavit supporting it ,when i was half way down the stairs to submit that application in the office ,some thing stopped me i don't know what was it ,perhaps i was scared i would have that big sikh name starting with "P" ,that i would loose my uniqueness among my relatives how difficult would it be tell to so many people about my name change ....after considering all these factors i decided not to change my name ..

The main reason behind was that the my name made me feel separated from my roots ,roots which i never felt to be part of ,was quite embarrassed in front of all my relatives ,hated to go those social gatherings which my father took me too where most of my relatives were not even graduates,never liked their discussions on the topics which i felt were absolutely absurd and that the world had moved and still they were stuck in the dark ages ,where they talked about the importance of looks of a boy and a girl not his or her talent in academics or other fields ,I would say that in spite of following all the religious followings of my religion , i never bother to go the Sikh temple we know as the "gurudwara" ,simply because i am an atheist and i have no problems in admitting it .

It was my name which helped me to have an illusion that i am away from my religion ,though some may think it to absurd it's actually true ,till date i have not bothered to understand the meaning of my name ,i like it for the above reason and it's only five letters long . I helps me as i have to blacken only five bubbles under my name in hundreds of OMR application forms i have filled till now,contrary to my sisters ten !

Motivation .........

2007-06-17T11:28:00.000+05:30

Last week a friend of mine had a problem she wasn't able to motivate herself to study for her entrance exams ,and she wanted to know how do I motivate myself and i jokingly said to her "I was motivated by seeing the building of my undergraduate college ",i said it in jovial moos but then i realized it was actually true .

So how does one get motivated ???? well going by my experiences you get motivated by the things you love most or the things you hate most ,but in my case it was a combination of both .some say they get motivated by seeing their peers achievement ,their brothers and relatives....,some people have told me they get motivated for money (it's quite difficult though),some get motivated by seeing the stories of the brave one's in news and newspapers ,but the one thing you get motivated is the one which you put in tour heart and soul and never achieve it.

Coming back to my so called motivation story , i was most of all motivated by the place in which spent four years of my life ,constantly dragging my body every morning to that two hour bus journey to reach a place which was like a jail or kind of torture for me ,as soon as the DTC bus crossed the noida toll bridge a sense of disappointment was engraved in my place , i started to wonder "why am i going there?" ,"what wrong did i do those 9 hours of my JEE exam?" or perhaps "was i wrong to dream of IIT sitting in my DCE exams" and i screwed up that paper what ever it was ,these thoughts constantly crossed my mind while the bus crossed the bridge over the "nala" what we all know as the yamuna river ,it was quite a culture shock seeing noida in the first place i mean leave alone the hype of a few well built sectors that place was like going to a desert where houses have been stacked upon each other like matchboxes put on top of each other ,and when i could see the red brick building of my college through the bus window ,i said to my self "the hell is about to begin" ,well it started at 9 in the morning and went on till 5 in the evening ,entering that main gate i felt some one was pushing myself ,i never wanted to cross that line and enter the college ,but still i did perhaps to see my name on the notice board ,people knew me very well because of it .Either i was on the list of short attendance ,as they loved to put my name there or on the list showing the papers i had flunked in my second semester ,whatever all the faculty knew me by these traits ,perhaps this was my identity in their mind "A Boy who is always lost in his thoughts ,day dreaming and what not",but seriously speaking that place made me learn a lesson "you have to fight it out to reach your dream" and it made me more mellow,and practical in life .All i can say that it inspired me me get out of that place and showing that i wasn't day dreaming all the time ,and i had achieved something .

Returning back from college ,as soon as the bus entered Delhi a sense of relief was there in my mind ,that i am finally back from the jail though for only to return next day ,and as soon the bus reached my stop on the ring road of Delhi a big direction sign showed "IIT" ,perhaps it was the sign that made me live through those four years ,it was the thing i loved most,my parents thought i was nut about it , it was sheer madness but they could not take away a dream that i had ,seeing the main gate of IIT Delhi ,i felt happy there have been times when i had gone inside the campus for no reasons at all just to charge myself ,to get my self motivated and to bring an a realization that i have to work damn hard to be at this place ,just to see that place i changed my journey maps ,took buses that would pass in front of it although the time of my journey increased ,i know people say IIT isn't the everything but then those who are inside them don't realize that their's avast difference between the standards offered by them and other colleges ,hope our government does something to it ,they decided to give more autonomy to private institutions so that they increased their level barring a few ones rest of all have become a place where they train you for four years so that they serve as mass recruitment centers to hire software coolies for our so called "BIG IT" companies that call themselves as product development centers but they are nothing more than a place where people fake their accents to satisfy their so called clients in US , to tweak a banking software to fit into another bank .

Motivation is one thing that comes from within it can't be taught and not be given .if you dream big and then you have to prove yourself a few sacrifices here and there can help you achieve your happiness and your dream!

EXPECTATIONS !!is there a end i wonder

2007-05-31T21:42:00.000+05:30

So here i am back after i puked out all my frustrations in my previous post,and got an honest opinion from many of my class mates about it ,though i never expected it seriously but at least i was able to put forward my opinions in front of my "so called" and true friends ,had a lot of arguments with a few people ,but it helped me to clear my stand in front of them ,what i truly feel about them .i could no longer live a life of being a hypocrite being sweet in front of them and lambasting them on their backs........anyways enough about the sad things there's some good news to give

It's result season and IIT JEE results are out (i know all of my readers had enough of it ),but there's a slight change in the script this time ,i did not give the exam (yee being 23 it would be shameful) but my sis did give it and she cleared it ,yesss yessss finally she was able to achieve a good rank in her first attempt ,that i could not in my three attempts ,and i was more happy than her for obvious reasons ,but then a feeling of guilt did strike me ,why the hell i was realizing my dream through her ,what right did i have to virtually force her to give JEE when she was more interested in pursuing a career in medicine ,it all boils down to the word EXPECTATION.

I did promise myself that i would never be like the whole world ,trying to follow the herd in her case ,as i did in my case , i would try to be rational but ultimately i did follow the flock in a blind manner .perhaps it's to do with the experiences i had in my life that are to be blamed ,in my school days in class XI an XII my mom expected me to be in iit ,pursuing my bachelors a dream which i never fulfill (though i hope a masters and doctorate from IIT will some what cover up for it).coming to a wider point of view ,there have been instances when people have landed up at the wrong place because they had to fulfill someone's expectations and ultimately they ruined there life for good, what i have realized in a short span of time is that the more you achieve more the expectations of people rise and its pretty hard to fulfill them .it's like climbing a ladder where one reaches at the top and suddenly asks himself "why the hell i am here??",we all decide to be in iit's iim's because the picture is rosy ,media hypes them and we try to prove that we are the best ,its about what others thing about ourselves ,we need to build an aura of invincibility around ourselves but soon many of us realize it wasn't the the smartest move we ever made ,for instance studying computer science is not all about making those beautiful power point presentations or that flashy graphics.

It's because of these expectations from others that we change our lifestyle,our thinking and what not,perhaps the best thing is to follow one's heart and not one's mind beacuse heart is correct in 99 out of 100 cases in life .if you aren't happy with what you are doing ,no amount of money can make you think that you are happy (i know many will argue that money is everything in life ,but surely it isn't) ,if you believe you can fulfill your dream then go for it ,even if one fails the experiences will make him a better person in life ,for instance i did prepare for JEE in my college first year and now i am bearing the fruits as that preparation helped me to improve my analytical skills immensely,so don't always try to fulfill expectations of the whole world ,because more than ninety nine percent of individuals aren't as intelligent as you are.

AND finally i did dump away my JEE admit cards of three years and those counseling letters from IIT after five years after my sis's JEE result because a dream is fulfilled (ohhh wait i again started to realize my dream through her ,kya karoooon i am like another human being )

I CAN'T HELP IT!!!!!!!!!! though changes are for good , I AM TRYYYYYYYIIING .......

GOOD FOR NOTHING----Haven't i heard it before

2007-05-16T18:54:00.000+05:30

There have been a series of posts which i have written during the wee hours of the morning ,to take out my my anger and frustration,but ultimately i deleted them because i thought it will not be "politically correct" to express my views in this manner,as it will be considered as a timid act ,an action which will show that i am afraid to come out in open and speak in front of everyone ,but whatever everyone else says i am going ahead with this post .

Last week when i saw a documentary of lance Armstrong on TV ,there was an advertisement which answered his critics who have lambasted him over the years over the dope allegations ,that ad had just one answer to the question "What am i on???" and the response was "I am on my bike" ,and it was a fitting reply to his critics ,well i have heard some pretty good one liners against me "you re good for nothing" ,"you take life as a joke" ,"tumhara kuch nahi ho sakta " and the list can go on an on...........................................................,these are the challenges i have faced over a short span of my life .

Life is a constant struggle for as long as we keep battling forces that can be overcome with enough effort and resolve. But when you are brought down to your knees and kept there by a giant invisible hand that is simply impossible to throw off, you can finally give up. I keep imagining being beaten by Fate so roundly that I can then guiltlessly give up the Sisyphean struggle I go through all day, all week, all year. Every time I face a problem that looks as though it might just be too big for me, I come across a new one that makes the first one pale in comparison. But the day I allow myself to finally, absolutely give up on life, the future will cease to matter,so why not better fight them and prove that I AM GOOD.

Here i would like to mention a special note of thanks to my Under graduate college ,which frustrated me so much that it ultimately inspired me to achieve big ,and put a lid on mouth of people who had lambasted me disgraced me over the years ,one of the instance which i still remember was a teacher (i wouldn't like to take the name and spoil my blog) telling me after hearing my GATE score and rank

"It's no Big deal clearing GATE"

Yeaaaah sure it isn't a big deal getting a percentile in the top 99 ,it isn't a big deal undersatnding the complexity of algorithms,learning about P vs NP itssss too easy for him ,bcoz his so called favorite students never even had the courage to sit for the exam let alone clear it .........is some one listening???

Then i was told that i was mad about JEE (i gave it twice in my college) because i wanted a thappa or a mark ,but IIT's are much beyond a simple thappa in the life ,here you learn teachers don't shy away from teaching complexities of algorithms and not teaching how to dream in class ,you get to study the mathematics behind the graphic algorithms and not flying a bird ,drawing a tree (i guess there are enough graphic designers for this stuffff)

How can i forget about the so called future wanna be facchas preparing for cat ,and showing off to the world that they are preparing for it (some of them started from the first year itself) with goal IIMA , i wasn't against them but then you dont have to take your books in the lecture classes and show that you are preparing for cat (it is ridiculous) ,so coming to the cat story one needs to understand that only speaking english in a foreign accent does not make you a good manager ,there's DI and MATHS that you need to crack and you have to work for it ,it's no styyloooo lingo that will help here and there were certain individuals which i genuinely though would make it to the IIM's ,but as the fate decided i made it ,though i gave the boot to IIMK ,because i could afford to do soooo

I would not say that i haven't committed mistakes in life ,my flunking the second semester ,will still haunt me in my life , because i made my parents cry ,left myself disappointed but what i wanted to convey is that one should never judge a book by it's cover because unless and until you see what's inside it ,you would never come to know the true contents inside it ,so please stop forming opinions about individuals ,lambasting them ,disgracing them because there are comebacks in life ,and why always follow conventional ways to success when there are alternative ones and i am of the opinion that "when people say you can't do it,it's because they are not able to do it" so follow your heart and finally show that "WE ARE GOOOD FOR SOMETHING".

There have been a lot of individuals which have hurt me by their comments ,and many which became my friends after having achieved something in life (you are able to distinguish between true and fake friends in this scenario),told me my life is doomed an what not but in the end i am having the last laugh and not they ,and that's what is important.

The Class of 392 !!!

2007-05-06T11:31:00.000+05:30

392,392 !!! it's the only thing i have remembered over the past four years of my college life ,because it's the only positive thing i can carry forward with me , morons who haven't been part of this bus journey would never appreciate the fact why we people are mad about this bus ,i have listened to comments like "aise bol rahe ho ki ye Mercedes ho " ,but still the emotions that have been attached to this bus journey will never be forgotten ,but this post is not about my feelings but the joy,sadness that we all as a part of 392 gang have shared over the past four years ,and this collage picture is a testimony to that ,its like a film script which hasn't seen the day of the light till now.

chalo ab is film ke 4 main characters hai with a special guest appearance to follow later on ,i will talk about all the main protagonists in detail ,I start from the picture at the top left hand corner and follow it (dont worry i will also put the fifth picture later)

so introducing the class of 392 :

ATIN --- there's only word which can describe him "practical" .He lives life as it comes ,with no past baggages ,knows how to get things get done by hook or crook ,takes to tensions in life and helps you whenever it is needed.over the past few years i have seen great leadership skills inculcating in him ,thanks to this bus journey (wo bhi ye accept karega).this guy was always at the forefront of all the quarrels that took place while travelling to noida from delhi and back ,kabhi bas kaharab ho jaati thi aachank se ,kabhi bus chalti hi nahi thi ,jo bhi ho he always knew how to get the things done ,i just wonder why aren't more people like him fighting for their rights ,including me ,but the one incident i would never forget was when a bunch of girls had to get down at AIIMS for it's annual fest and he agrees to guide them ,bas ussi time par i opened my big mouth and said "par tu to south ex mei utarta hai " ,i would never forget that moment , i nearly spoilt his golden opportunity.He's like the AAMIR KHAN of dil chahata hai for me ......bansalji i can always count upon you

BHARAT ---- and only one word describes him "loverboy",he's like the SAIF OF DIL CHAHATA HAI ,searching for his true love ,jo kabhi nahi mila bas kicks milti thi (i know he would kill me after reading this) i share a special kind of chemistry with him , we have talked all sort of crap from champions league football to girls in the bus to kill two hours from college to delhi ,though he ditched me in the 3rd year by opting for a hostel in the college ,but still he will always reamain part of the 392 gang ,bcoz more often than not he was at his home rather than his hostel room ,and i must warn you dont go by his bholi suraaaat itna seedha nahi hai jitna dikhta hai ,though he is the most good looking guy ,and girls had an instant crush on him ,while seeing him play football ,par afsos ye un sabka crush hi tha aaage kuch nahi hua (heheheh)........BJ i will never ever forget you (and tu bhi kabhi bhoolne ki koshish mat kariyo mujhe nahi to ????)

DAMAN-----and here comes the description of yours truly ,i have just one word for my self "frustrated",my friends relate me with AKSHAYE KHAANA of DIL CHAHATA HAI (ya i know mai itna accha nahi hoon dikhne mei ,and na hi koi dimple kapadia thi meri life mei),but i was serious kind ,always observing and cribbing in front of my friends about IIT ,the institute where i always wanted to be ,god knows how my friends coped up with me during the past four years ,kafffi patience hai unmei and i wouldn't like to add much about myself (comments hi padh lena about me)

SIDDHARTHA ---actually i don't have a dictionary with me to describe about him because thats what you need ,and his blog is a testimony to this statement , i would describe him as a complete music freak ,existentialist the most happening dude of our gang ,this guy was born to be a manager and he's almost half way there ,unlike me he has set goals in mind and achieves them ruthlessly, though i came close to him during the last few semesters but still i have lot of good memories to take with me about him......he rocksssssss

haaaan i remember that there is guest appearance to follow ,and its no ordinary guest appearance ,its a special one ...........................................

ye guest appearance mei prastoot karta hoon our very own RAGHAV .just one word describes him BINDAAAS ,though sometimes he can become a little bit senti ,please beware about this trait,though he traveled in the bus for only one semester but still he is part of the gang ,we will never forget his VATANAKULIT CAR trips from the college to our homes (sometimes we all became lucky ,that we did not have to spend 2 hrs in the bus journey),one incident that i will never forget is when he slept for the whole bus journey and landed up at the last stop ( sone ki isse kaffi bimaari hai) ,and if you ever get on phone with him,then surely your one hour is gone ,timepass karne ki to aadat hai na isse ,and its beacause of him that i have got into this bad habit of long and endless phone conversations with others (i would never forgive him for this).........JAI HARYANA RAGHOOJI

So this was about my friends ,with whom i have spent my precious four years of life in the times of happiness and sorrow ,and these are the memories i shall always carry forward with me ,wherever i go MAIN JAHAN RAHOON YE YAAAAD SAATH HAI ,though now being in IIT i dont have to spend those 4 hours on the daily bus journey but i miss it everyday ,and just wish those times come back again (though i know its not possible) ,whenever i board a DTC bus in delhi , i just hope to see all my friends sitting there and chirping and chatting about any absurd topic we all used to do ,but then i soon realize that time has moved on ,we are all at different phases of our life and we may probably never be together again (though i pray ek baar to sab mil lein.....)

PS:Last heard the DTC bus no 392 had stopped plying between delhi and noida due to some dispute ,may be this bus was waiting for our last journey together to come to an end!!!!!!!

somethings do change your life for better

2007-04-21T21:40:00.000+05:30

JAMES BLUNT
"You're Beautiful"

My life is brilliant.
.My love is pure.
I saw an angel.Of that I'm sure.
She smiled at me on the subway.
She was with another man.
But I won't lose no sleep on that,'Cause I've got a plan.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,'
Cause I'll never be with you.
Yeah, she caught my eye,
As we walked on by.
She could see from my face that I was,Flying high, Fucking high,
And I don't think that I'll see her again,
But we shared a moment that will last till the end.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful
.You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,'
Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you

I have been crazy since the day i have heard this song, before this i was never interested in listening to country music ,never even bothered to learn about this genre of music,but times do change and it certainly did for me,this song inspired me learn guitar which i always wanted to do but never had the patience and time to do so.

Though this post is not about me learning to play the guitar,but about the girl that has come in my life ,this song best sums up my experiences till now ,i met her four moths back for the first time and since then i always remember her through this song ,the experience has been fascinating and one hell of a ride for me ,the boy who always ran away from girls in school and undergraduate college(my friends would vouch for it),has suddenly started to experience the beautiful feeling we all call "love" and its absolutely mind blowing ,every day seems a new day ,a new beginning for me .i have started to enjoy life once again after so many years .it's a good experience that makes one more responsible and happy ,well i would only sum up by saying that everyone should be part of this experience once in his or her life it makes you happy.

and the last line of the song says "I WILL NEVER BE WITH YOU" ,i hope that i will make it as "I WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU"

HAPPYNESS yes it's with a "Y"

2007-03-25T17:56:00.000+05:30

This is not a movie review of the "pursuit of my happyness" because almost everyone has heard about how well the movie is,but its a blatant admission of a relationship that i wasn't able to build with my father .This movie taught me what a father son relationship should be like , not what i had with my dad.

In the movie the protagonist played by will smith does every thing to protect his son ,he teaches him what life is all about ,i can still can weirdly remember the lines that he said to his son "they say you cannot do this because they were not able to do it themselves." My father also tried to give me some "gyaan" on what life is all about but then i never listened to him because i thought i could do better than him,though i do realize now that his achievements far outweigh mine because the resources that i was provided with by my father were not with him.

The reason for the the so called rift with my father was the "JEE" exam .Though he knew that i could clear the exam but he was always apprehensive because of the sheer competition ,during 2002 one had a 1 in 45 chance to clear the exam for the coveted seat at iit's ,but i had that stubbornness thats it's got to be IIT nad nothing else ,so i did not fill any other forms (except my ug college form that too after a long fight).As destiny went i wasn't able to make it to iit ,so had the choice whether to drop a year and prepare again or to join another college .i was always against the former but after a long argument with my father i had to join another college ,but contrary to his thinking i studied for JEE during my first year ,which he never liked .There was a feeling inside me to prove my father wrong ( now i realize that i was wrong ) ,he did not sign on my JEE application form so i had to forge his signature which i admit here.I did not attend even 15 days of my college in my second semester which always let to a lot of arguments between us.i did not clear jee gain and flunked my second semester in the college (failed in all papers because of short attendance) ,this did shatter him completely because this was never expected from me ,i was indifferent to the feelings of my family.He did not talk to me for a month after this debacle so did not i ( well i was freaked out ) but the differences rose more when i decided to give jee in my second year also (now i was reallllly mad) so we had no interaction for that one year, though i attended my college regularly.

This film has taught me that a father always cares about his son ,which he always did but i never bothered to appreciate it .i could not talk straight with him during those crucial years which are important, i was a bit selfish always wanting to prove him wrong ,be better than him and show him i am more capable than him .Now i realize that i missed the happyness in my life for those four years just because i was stubborn wanting to prove things which i realize are not important any more ,you do not have to show other people that you are good ,because whats more important is to be good son ,which i have not been.

After the film i did call up my dad and said i was sorry,though i accept it cannot cover all the disappointments that i have given him during his life ,in spite of all his best efforts but this is the least that i could have done .I am aware that i cannot bring back the time i have lost with my father but from now onwards i would be more frank with him,talk openly to sort out my differences ,i will try to be a GOOD SON!!!

Arre!!! Bhai It's just a game

2007-03-19T19:11:00.000+05:30

So India lost to Bangladesh in their first world cup match and everyone has started saying the "the dream is over", "call back this team", "sehwag should be thrown out" and lots of blaaah blaaah ,and they have all started with their favourite passtime of bashing indian players,burning their effigies ,tearing their posters to vent out their anger after the defeat to so called minnows of world cricket ,Bangladesh (but are they really minnows??? one should ask themselves)

Agreed that India played miserably ,seemed low on confidence ,seemed afraid,lacked the team spirit and our fame batsmen were more like tigers in the cages than in a jungle ,but then why are we blaming our team only ,no one is looking at how well bangladesh have played ,they bowled and batted out of their skins,were like cheetahs on the filed showed no fear to the so called Indian pace battery (someone forgot how the young kid ,barely 18 stepped and hit zaheer khan out of the park),and to be fair the tag of minnows does not suit them now.the alarm bells should have really been sounded when they defeated newzeland in the pre world cup warm up game.

Now the reaction of our public has been more disappointing than the loss itself ,in our country where we live ,eat and sleep cricket and where everyone is an expert on cricket (arre ye dravid ko to kaptani chor deni chahiya,sachin mein wo baat nahi rahi ,sehwag to shaadi ke baad nikamma ho gaya hain) are some of the chats one hears on our roads,buses and households.most of our fans do understand that the game is not easy ,and defeats are part of any sport.

This picture can best sum up the mood of an 11 year old boy, after the disappointment on the Sunday morning after the match because he was let down by his hero's ,but he wont go back to his home and burn his bat and cricket kit ,but he will take his practice kit and run to his practice grounds to bat like sachin ,bowl like kapil and filed like yuvraj ,it was amazing to see young kids back on ground after sleeping in the wee hours and the disappointment of india's loss. it is what our fans do best they play and follow the game hard because they dream of representing one's country on the world stage ,they have the passion and accept defeat (u can't win every day),they rise up from it and achieve their goals (and i can wow for that)

Now come the so called fraction ,which we see on televisions after every defeat ,busy in vandalizing property ,burning cars and posters to vent out their anger.

so what they want to prove??? ,that they are the only one concerned about the cricket in india ,they have taken the responsibility on their shoulders to make players realize that they are not doing the job ,or that they are better than our selectors and administrators and can manage cricket better than them ,in short their only objective is to get into the limelight ,and media does a fantastic job in promoting them because our so called 24 hour news channels want the masala for their daily pro grammes because they have nothing better to show (when was the last time u saw a documentary aon aaj tak and star news ???,please remind me of one)

I agree that players might not preform well on days ,but then is everyone perfect?? is my question to them ,they are humans which are bound to fail ,even the invincible aussies lost five ODI's in a row ,they lost ashes to england but then they were ever more determined to win them back (they plummered the poms in this ashes),so our players are professionals and they know thei job better ,they are not really here to make money as people thing they have the passion ,tell me one individual who will devote his 18 prime years ,sweat and toil for the country that tendulkar has ,agreed he earns money,but why dont we question individuals like us from iit's and iim's who earn great pay packets after the subsidised education which all taxpayers pay for .

The last bit of thing i would want to add is about the so called "cricket experts" that news channels have roped in be it saba karim and company and the 83 world cup team which seams in great demand every world cup ,they might have won the cup but this team has better players than that team if we compare man with man ,just playing well for that one month does not give them the license to bash the team again and again ,players like yashpal sharma before rubbishing current player should look at their records.

so i would like to sum up by saying that we should have faith in our players ,they are as much passionate as we are and they also don't like loosing and playing badly and we should treat cricket as a game and not anything else and remember that everyone of us can fail ,and this hoopla over the world cup has raised our expectations too much ,i think none of us would like to see pictures of the policemen standing in front of cricketers house to protect their family ,if they can sacrifice nad play for us then we should also pay our regards bu not vandalizing their homes ,what's the fault of their families??

so we must remember CRICKET IS A GAME

AGNOSTICISM A PATH BETWEEN THEISM AND ATHEISM??

2007-02-23T12:57:00.000+05:30

So does agnosticism serve as a middle path between the two beliefs of theism and atheism, contrary to the common belief, that it is an alternative to atheism, people are mistaken by the narrow definition of atheism in their minds.

Agnosticism is about knowledge, and it is separate from the realms of belief, which constitute the domain of theism and atheism. Agnostic means “without knowledge “but somehow we have started it using exclusively with respect to the issue “Do god exist or not?” .Dilemma over the use of term agnosticism arises when we assume that it is used in the context of a person who is undecided about the existence of god, if this were to be true then it would serve as a third way between theism and atheism, however this assumption is far from being true.

Contrary to the general notion of agnosticism, it is based upon the two principles which are needed to be studied closely before nay concrete conclusions can be drawn out. Firstly it supports the idea of empirical and logical means to acquire knowledge about the world and Second principle which it follows is that we have a moral duty of not asserting claims for ideas which we cannot adequately support through evidence. Therefore the term “agnostic” may be used in context of a person who cannot claim, if any god exists.
Thus there are two kinds of people ,some people are not sure of something but they believe it anyway and in other case people cannot support the proof so this becomes the reason enough to not bother believing.

Therefore agnosticism is no third way between theism and atheism but an issue which is compatible with both. Majority of people who believe themselves of being theist or atheist might be justified in calling themselves as agnostics, because a theist is adamant in his belief but also adamant in the fact that his beliefs are based more on faith than on absolute knowledge. Agnosticism may be referred to a state where one is not sure about the existence of god ,but people take can take this stance for different reasons and apply it in different ways creating two sets of agnosticism weak and strong on the lines of weak and strong atheism .If someone is a weak agnostic he states that “I am not sure whether god exists or not”, but he does not rule out the possibility of there being any theoretical god ,or the fact that someone might be knowing about the existence of god .Most of people we know fall into this category .whereas a strong agnostic claims that he is not sure of the existence of god but he also believes that no one can claim about the existence of god ,though this stance can be difficult to defend.

Thus people with weak agnosticism are easily accepted in the world because they respect the feelings of other people and don’t try to impose their beliefs on others, but people with strong agnosticism are not easily accepted in this world as they indirectly come a conclusion that they know something about god which others do not, which is not easy for others to accept. Whatever the beliefs agnosticism is not the middle path between theism and atheism though this argument can go on for ever.

ORKUT !!! So what's the fascination

2007-01-26T08:35:00.000+05:30

My daily ritual ,waking up at 7 in the morning with my blurry eyes ,double clicking on my mozilla ,entering the words "ORKUT" and then pressing control+enter .
(sorry i would not reveal my username and passwrord),and then i seem to get stuck to this site for at least an hour doing nothing but wasting my time ,but i still love to do it,and the question that i ask my self again again is why i do it ???
well simply speaking i have no answer to it ,in short i am ADDICTED to it and this is quite contrary to the days when i did not even bothered to open my orkut account for one and a half years after my friend sent me an invitation ,after i inquired what's this ORKUT all about in my undergraduate college.

I never even bothered to accept any friend request that people sent me seriously speaking i thought it to be a "piece of crap",bt thinks changed in April last year when i logged into my orkut account ,and saw there's a world out there to be explored,literally speaking i did not even have a single scrap during these 18 months ,though had at least 10 friend requests,people in my college were always fighting on the no of scraps they had ,and i thought what's this fuss all about ,they talked as if the scraps pointed to the cash balance in your account ,well i have realized today that unless one uses ORKUT he would not be able to understand the importance of the no of scraps(they tell something about ur popularity) or for that matter the no of fans that u have made ,and the best way to increase them is to be fan of others.

Now ORKUT is not total time pass as i used to think earlier it has helped me trace my friends ,who had no contact with me for the past ten years or so ,and my school friends whom i did not contact after leaving school for many years ,but the best thing is that u make friends from all around the world on orkut ,i made a dear one from Brazil and i think though i don't know this guy but there is a bonding with me as our interests are almost the same coding assembly language and having endless discussion on football.

For total time pass the best thing is to go to any Brazilian communities and send friend request to all the girls there ,and if u don't know Portuguese it does not matter Google translator is out there to help me ,trust me it works quite good i have been chatting and scrapping using it for so many months and the girl's think i am good at Portuguese.

The best thing about orkut is this policy of open scrap book which makes it easy to know what's happening in everyones life ,without the others coming to know that You have been spying on them ,one more feature which adds to the fascination is the "recent profile visitors" one becomes quite excited to know who all have visited your profile ,though this feature can be turned off but the this adds to the fun ,i know that people would come to know that i am visiting their profile and spying on them but does it matter i don't think so.it adds to the legend of the ORKUT.one more use that i forgot is that it acts as a good birthday reminder (in case u forget them ,as i do).

and how could i forget the testimonials on orkut ,they have helped me a lot, i have received some strange emails (from girls) after reading the testimonials on my page that my friends have written for me ,i have also been on a testimonial writing marathon for months now ,problem being that i don't have enough good words which make people happy, i have begged so many time to people to write a testimonial for me but only a few have responded till now.

Whatever ,the name ORKUT has become a part of my life ,and i am sure i would not be able to leave it for sure so in short HAPPY ORKUTTING!!!!

ps:you can check my orkut profile here daman

MARAT "mystery" SAFIN

2007-01-22T19:20:00.000+05:30

DATE:10 September 2000
VENUE:Arthur ashe stadium ,Flushing Meadows New York
EVENT :US OPEN FINAL
PLAY MAKERS:Pete Sampras and Marat Safin
SPECTATORS:23,000 plus the American President Bill Clinton
EXPECTED OUTCOME:Pete sampras to win his 14th grand slam in singles

But every one discounted the fact that the 20 year old something Russian was also playing the match ,and contrary to everyone's belief that sampras would have a stroll in the park ,the Russian completely annihilated the the great American in the presence of the home crowd 6-4 ,6-3 ,6-2 in 1 hour and 40 mins ,and a star was born .

After the match the great sampras had praise for his opponent as quoted by him "He passed and returned my serve better than anyone I've ever played" and "He reminded me of when I was 19 and came here and won it for the first time" .Safin had played a spectacular match with the best ever tennis that any one could have imagined his ground strokes had the raw power of Agassi and the finesse of Sampras,Marat reminded of the the player Pete was in 1989 when at the age of 19 years he became the youngest to player to win the men's singles by defeating his great adversary for many years to come Andre Agassi.

Everyone saw a great tennis star in the making who would dominate it after the sampras era had ended ,but it was not to be so ,so what went wrong for the Russian??

Though everyone saw the talent of the man in the game of tennis but no one saw the mercurial nature of the man that was to follow ,he became well known for his emotional outburst during matches where he would smash his rackets every time a call went against him ,this roller coaster ride of emotions did not let him focus on his game and as a result of which he slided down the tennis rankings in the subsequent years,subsequent series of injuries in 2003 also did not help his cause or one could say he himself pressed the SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON .

This story highlights the fact that though one may be talented a lot but if he is not able to channelize his efforts it ultimately results in mediocre performance from the individual ,and this fact is more emphasized in the filed of sports ,as the great SUNIL GAVASAKAR had said "Cricket is played between the two ears more than on the field" All the great champions that we have witnessed so far are more mentally stronger than their peers though they may not be as talented as other.For instance Steven Waugh was so strong temperamentally it overshadowed his natural talent ,who can ever forget the hundred he made against england in 2001 Ashes on one leg and the words he said to gibbs when he dropped his catch in 199 world cup "You just dropped the World Cup " .as opposed to players like named Vinod Kambli who were talented but could not live upto it because he wasn't mentally strong.

Coming back to tennis from where i had started ,there have been instances where players have achieved less because they lost their focus ,for example the great JOHN MCENROE could have won more titals but he did not because he always spent his time arguing more than playing as opposed to the cool BJORN BORG who won 11 grand slam titles as he was mentally more tougher than him.

In The present Era to the great champion ROGER FEDERER is becoming is because of his temperament which supports his abundance talent. when asked about how he always won and the hunger that kept him going his reply was "As a child i used to cry a lot when i lost a match ,so the best way was to win every match that i played so that i would not cry again" It is this attitude that separates him from the rest of the field,though safin may match him for talent as he did in 2005 Australian open by defeating him but he does not have the temperament and focus to be consistent as him.

The willingness to succeed at every occasion can be best summed by SHANE WARNE who despite his off field controversies always wanted to win and give his best as he said to IAN HEALY in an interview "It's all about winning mate" and it truly is.

VIVE LE LANCE

2006-11-09T08:11:00.000+05:30

Lance Armstrong was one of the reasons for my sudden interest in TOUR DE FRANCE ,i still remember the the days of July 1999 ,when the whole world was fascinated by the victory of a man was who had only 40% chance of surviving cancer three years ago in 1996.i was also fascinated by his story and followed the so called "boring" sport of cycling that only europeans followed.

Though his seven tour victories from 1999 to 2005 has been a record in the tour history but he isn't the only one who has achieved great feats in the world of cycling ,he may have broken the record of five consecutive tour victories of MIGUEL INDURAIN and five non consecutive victories of legends like Bernard Hinault, Eddy Merckx and Jacques Anquetil but it can always be argued was he the greatest cyclist ever??

The accomplishments of Eddy merckx far outweigh anyone's achievements in the sport of cycling ,legendary for his domination of one day classics like milan sen -remo which he won seven times .He is the only one who won the yellow jersey(over all leader),polka doted jersey(king of mountains),and green jersey(best sprinter) in the same edition of tour the feat which has not been matched by anyone else till date and probably will never be done ,he was like a beast on the bike and never relied much on support of his team mates as lance did over the years in tours ,he took TOUR DE FRANCE as just one of the races in the year but lance took it as the only race of the year ,clearly he was the best bike rider till today.

My admiration of lance goes much beyond cycling ,the way he fought through his cancer diagnoses and emerged as a stronger person both mentally and physically has always made me believe that one can come out and deal with any adversity in life and come out stronger and more focussed than he has been ,though his accomplishments in cycling can never be forgotten but his deeds off the pedals are more inspiring than on the bike,one can learn a lot from him about the preparation for a long and important task ahead ,he prepared for the tour nearly 300 days a year for that 21 days on the legendary roads of France in the month of July ,so that he can prove to people that he can do it again.The time he spent at the labs of MIT so that he could get the perfect bike for the tour is truly one of a kind in sports which had been never practiced till lance did it,beyond cycling his work in the field of cancer giving hope to millions of people around the world that they can fight this disease through the LANCE ARMSTRONG FOUNDATION is one of a kind.

As Armstrong quoted after winning the tour de france in 2005 ,his last triumph on the Champs-Élysées

"Finally the last thing I’ll say to the people who don’t believe in cycling, the cynics and the sceptics. I'm sorry for you. I’m sorry that you can’t dream big. I'm sorry you don't believe in miracles. But this is one hell of a race. This is a great sporting event and you should stand around and believe it. You should believe in these athletes, and you should believe in these people. I'll be a fan of the Tour de France for as long as I live. And there are no secrets - this is a hard sporting event and hard work wins it. So Vive le Tour. Forever."

This sums up the true Armstrong we all know ,we all have admired over the past years ,as he said that people who don't believe in cycling cannot dream big ,but apart from them if u don't dream big you cannot achieve much in life , if Kekule had not dreamt we would never have seen the aromatic ring in benzene ,miracles do happen and will happen we just have to believe we can do it,as lance showed us the way.He brought cycling to the stage where people followed it all around the world ,not just in europe but in america and other parts .The true side of lance can be depicted by his autobiography "It's not about the bike,my journey back to life" ,which highlights the fact that fighting cancer is of more importance than winning races .

In the end i would like to sum up lance's story as the greatest come back in the history of sports ,he has shown us nothing is impossible if we believe in ourselves then we can accomplish any feat in this world ,so in the end i would only day vive le lance.LONG LIVE lance.

BRAVO BARCA!!!

2006-10-20T19:00:00.000+05:30

Figure this..................

1.Manchester united - £14 million(AIG)
2.Chelsea-£10 million(Samsung)
3.Juventus-£15 million(Tamoil)

so when ................................................
FC Barcelona decided to end it's 107 year old tradition of not sporting any logo on their shirt's many big companies lined up to secure the deal as this would catapult them to the south american market where barcelona are followed passionately ,apart from europe and asia ,for instance internet gambling giant betandwin.com agreed on a £12 million deal with the club.so with which organisation did BARCA decide to enter into an agreement???

well it was no corporate giant ,but an international organisation we all know which was set up in 1953 ,to help in welfare of children known as UNICEF ,and how much did unicef decide to pay barcelona ,actually nothing to the contrary barcelona decided to pay 1.5 million euros per year for the next five years to unicef,and this year the money will be used to help children in swaziland suffering from HIV.it may suprise many people that barca decided to go with this deal ,but once we understand the club and their history it will not be a suprise to us.

Setup in 1899 by a group of english ,dutch and catalan supporters with the moto Més que un club (More than a club) ,it truly is more than a club for it's million of supporters worldwide ,it has become sort of a catalan institution where people of catalan region associate themselves with ,after their rights and freedom was reduced under the rule of FRANCO during the spanish civil war ,and this is one of the reasons of their great rivalry between REAL MADRID ,known as the EL CLASSICO de grande ,as it was supported by FRANCO under his rule .BARCA were not allowed to sport the catalan flag in their logo during the time of FRANCO.He tried to embodied real madrid as the spain he wanted to create and as a result it was known as the REGIME CLUB with barca being called as the opposition,another factor which lead to their rivalry was the dispute over argentine ALFREDO DI STEFANO who became one of the greatest footballers while playing for real madrid leading them to five straight european club triumphs in the mid 50's.

This brings us to a question whether "sports clubs are only there for money?",althought the monetary aspect of clubs cannot be put on the backburner as they need money to survive ,for eg.LEEDS UNITED were relegated from ENGLISH PREMIER LEAGUE because of bad debts which resulted in their players moving out of it ,but money should not be the only criteria as people associate their passion,joy and sadness with their clubs after all how would one account for these rivalries all over the world??

boca juniors vs river plate(argentina)
vasco vs flamengo(brazil)
liverpool vs everton(england)

all these rivalries are a result of the passion of supporters who were instrumental in founding of these clubs in their early years.

Clubs bring happiness to the faces of people in adversities ,like a small town in belarus known as GOMEL ,which was devastated by the chernobyl nuclear disaster in 1986 are avid supporters of their club FC GOMEL and they prove it by attending their matches in a huge no they are no 1 when it comes to fans attending matches in belarus league as it allows them to forget their sufferings for a few hours.

To conclude i would only say that although money is important but one should never hesitate to help people who are in more need than us,and if we have the means to do it.Well our cricket board BCCI can take a cue from barcelona as it boasts of the richest shirt deal for indian cricket team with sahara and nike by helping people who really need money and not just putting money in their lockers and not using them or being used by people who alreasy have it.